Tears of helplessness
by cc671
Summary: The road to recovery is long and difficult. When Danny s body and soul are shattered, his friends will be there and do everything to get him back on his feet.
1. Tears of helplessness

Fed up. That´s what Danny was. He was fed up. Not that he was able to say it, but obviously it was.

After three months in hell, deprived of all human care, surviving with just the essential he was sporadically provided, chained like a dog to a dirty old bed, his professional kidnappers had had a little slip and his team had finally been able to find and rescue him.

Now, lying on a hospital bed, Danny wasn´t aware of what was going on around him. On a feverish state, his body was fighting some infections. Doctors and nurses where almost constant at his side, touching him, poking and prodding him, whispering words he didn´t fully catch. His mind was done. He just wanted to be left alone.

His partner had been there also, all day. His brother had watched over him, unnecessary making sure he was treated with care. Trying to ease his misery.

Now it was dark, a quiet night broken only by some sobs. Sobs which Danny couldn´t stop. He wanted no more of it. Of anything. The last check of the nurse, who had unintentionally woken him, left him restlessly thrashing on the soft bed, looking blindly to the ceiling with lost and clouded eyes. His bandaged hands weakly trying to pull back the light covers.

Another presence was at his side. Lou was covering the night shift. Standing up from the chair, he soundlessly made his way to the bed. Sitting on it, he took the nervous moving hands and stopped them. Taking pity of the restless man, his paternal side took control of him, seeing his friend like this, looking like a lost child so needed of affection and security. Reaching forward, he strongly grabbed Danny by the biceps. Leaning back, he rested the shivering body on his chest, shushing him like he were a child. Sobs become open tears, tears of tiredness, tears of vulnerability, tears of helplessness. Tears that begged mercy. Eventually, gaining confidence on the embrace, the shivers stopped and the resistance left the battered body and Danny fell asleep.

An odor mixture of antiseptic, vomit and sweat reached Lou´s nose for the first time as he lowered his friend to the mattress. He would ask for a bath for Danny, to lessen at least a bit his distress. Making mentally note of that first request he would make to the nurse, carefully trying not to wake Danny he tucked him in.

Mission accomplished, Lou got to his feet and with gingerly legs walked to the window, to cry his own tears of helplessness.


	2. Emotionally exhausted

A/N Thanks for the reviews.

A/N The order of the chapters may or may not be chronologically perfect for the story, each one narrates glimpses of different situations that happen while helping Danny. Please do not try to read looking for continuity.

Abruptly waking up, jerking his head up and slightly disoriented, Steve instantly knew something was different. Something definitely felt different. The anguish that had wrapped his soul the last few months was gone. The desperation of not being able to find his partner, it was gone too. They had found him alive. He was safe now. He was protected. He was here. But although those terrifying feelings were washing away, new ones began to deeply claim space. Dread of helplessness but also a firm determination to be there for Danny and support him through it all.

Finally realizing that something had woken him, Steve sat straight on the chair on which he was awkwardly slumped. He hadn´t intended to fall asleep, but this days were being long and extremely emotional. Getting up, he approached the bed for what seemed the hundredth time since Danny was settled there. Able to see his friend only because of the dim lights of the corridor, his worried eyes focused on the open, lost and glassy blue ones. Grabbing his friend´s forearm, Steve leaned on and tried to make him calm down. Danny was restless, feverish and trashing on the mattress as much as his weakened body allowed him.

As Danny began to breathe harshly and try to free his arm, Steve released him and instead placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, trying to anchor him in some way and help him calm down.

"Relax buddy, ok? Are you uncomfortable?"

"N..gh" A frustrated shake of the head and a kick of the good leg accompanied the distressful whimper.

"I know buddy, I know" Steve soothed, as he pressed the call button. Grabbing the cloth from the basin at the side of the bed, he drained and placed it on the hot forehead, maintaining it there with his hand. Unconsciously leaning on and pressing his head to the comforting coldness, Danny sighed loudly as his friend removed the now warm fabric to refresh it on the cold water and then proceeded to refresh his face and neck.

Shifting his gaze momentary as the doctor entered the room and placed himself at the other side of the bed and the nurse turn on the lights, he quietly folded the cloth, placed it on Danny´s forehead and leaned heavily on the bed rails, absently rubbing his face. "He just woke up. It´s the same, Doc. Feverish, lost and uncomfortable". The explanation was unnecessary. They had been dealing with this for long hours now, or had it been days?

Taking over, the doctor placed two fingers on the carotid artery while he checked his watch. The pulse was racing. "Danny, calm down for me, ok?" Nodding to the nurse to replace the bag of fluids and pulling out the stethoscope, he then peeled back the sheet and reaching inside the top side of the gown, he listened to his patient's heart.

"No… g..way" The weak and whimpered request was accompanied by two heavily bandaged hands trying to stop the unwanted and cold intrusion.

"Danny, let them treat you buddy". Steve´s tired voice lacked the strength he had intended, but the doctor took over for him again.

"Danny, if you let us, I can assure you that once we are done you´ll be comfortable and can go back to sleep again soon, ok? How does that sound, uh?" The physician encouragingly spoke, trying put himself on Danny´s line of sight to reach his patient´s feverish and avoiding ayes with his own while patting his forearm. "We are going to give you the medicine to make you feel better, refresh you and work on bringing that fever down, apply some soothing cream, ok? It will feel good" He continued, trying to break the weak fight his patient had put on.

And he succeeded. The doctor´s strong, kind and full of experience voice made its way through the confused brain and Danny ceased the struggle, lying uneasily but quietly, breathing heavily but waiting for the ministrations to start. It wasn´t so complicate, his burning brain let him know that if he let them do as they wanted, maybe they will leave him alone sooner, as he had been told, and maybe he will feel better too.

Exchanging a quick and relieved look with Steve, the doctor went to prepare the medical supplies and medicine, while the nurse closed the curtain to preserve their patient´s dignity.

"I´m going to have to expose him now, Commander.." The implicit request was immediately understood. Giving his partner´s shoulder a last and firm squeeze, Steve silently left the room.


	3. The rescue

The rescue.

Bending on the sink of the hospital´s bathroom, water drops falling from the tip of his nose, Steve closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

" _NO don´t leave me!".._ Opening his eyes again, he look to himself on the mirror. The redness and swelling of his eyelids will go away, but the memory of those terrified and desperately whimpered words and the moment they finally found his partner will never be erased from his mind.

x-x-x-

As soon as the kidnappers realized their mistake, they fled the island, leaving everything behind, including their hostage. Nevertheless, it took the team two more desperate days to discover the location where the criminals had been hiding. Two days on which Danny had been left alone, unattended and tied.

Knocking down the metal door of the old building hidden amidst the rain forest, Steve´s legs felt like jelly and his heart hammered unmercifully with anticipation and dread of what they would find inside.

At the far right side of the spacious room, against the wall, through the rays of sunlight that filtered through the rotten and disarmed ceiling, Danny was lying like a ragged doll on a dirty old mattress, chained to the metal bedrails and wall. He didn´t seem to have listened the chopper, neither his friends approaching rapidly but cautiously to his bed. Or maybe he didn't have the strength, or maybe worse.

A hand was tenderly placed on his brow. Two fingers of another hand found his pulse point on his neck. It was there, and relieved sighs were heard. Then they saw it, Danny´s chest was raising and falling, calmly, barely noticeable. Then, the pulse quickened, as if finally realizing something was happening, someone was there, he was not alone anymore. His heart hammered frantically behind the now bonny chest cavity.

"Give him room guys, please, make some space." Steve, kneeling beside his friend, was desperately assessing his condition. Definitely thinner, with dirty and ragged clothes which obviously had not been changed since day one, a three month´s beard and greasy and disheveled hair, skin soiled and scaly with dirt. Steve´s heart skipped a beat when he saw Danny´s hands.

It was evidently that at some point, maybe when he was left behind, Danny had desperately tried to free himself, unmercifully ripping all his skin and flesh on the chains and manacles. Now, they were attached. Skin, flesh, dried blood, metal and oxide were a momentary irreversible mix. Several fingers where definitely broken. Long and dirty nails crowned each flaccid and curled extremity. Only with God as witness of the cruelty of the attempts to free himself from that imprisonment, Steve swallowed the lump on his throat, but was unable to stop the tears from falling. Only one ankle was tied. It hadn´t run much better luck than the wrists. It was obvious it was at least dislocated, if not broken, and both bared feet presented numerous colorful bruises. They will certainty not try to open the chain manacles, in any way. They will let the doctors do that. Surely it required some surgical procedures. For the moment, their only option to free their friend was cutting the chains.

"Junior, bring the clamp to cut the chains". Lou´s low and touched voice commanded, as he lowered himself on one knee beside Steve while opening a bottle of water. Exchanging a quick glance with the Commander, both men saw the shared anguish of their souls through their watery eyes.

"Danny?" Returning his fully attention to his partner, Steve tenderly reached for his head, turning it slowly to face them. A low, weak and pitiful grunt was their response.

"Ok, ok buddy". Steve gestured Lou to bring on the water. Complying, the older man placed the bottle peak on the parted and ragged lips, while Steve held his head slightly elevated. The cool liquid made its magic. Denied the vital element for more than two days, Danny´s body didn´t wait an order from his mind to react. Opening his mouth wider, he desperately allowed more water at a time. Proving to be too much for his condition, he choked and started to cough with the little and almost nonexistent energy he possessed.

"Sorry, sorry". Lou reacted afterwards, and, placing the bottle at the foot of the bed, helped Steve to lift Danny´s upper body. They manhandled their friend as much as the chains allowed them, so he was slightly reclined on his partner's lap, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed and holding him in position with two strong arms, trying to find a way to ease his breathing.

Finally calming down a bit after the coughing fit and the change of reality plus position, two opaque blue eyes merely appeared behind the heavy eyelids.

"Hey buddy". Steve was able to hold Danny´s gaze just for one second, and then contented with following his partner´s line of sight while he was trying to reorient himself or at least try to understand what was happening and who was there with him. His sight now reached Lou´s face. Despite the moment and all the emotions, Grover´s smile was a peaceful place to stay. Accompanied by a strong hand pressing his thigh, Danny just rested there for a moment, blinking slowly and allowing the tears to leave his eyes. A hand smoothed his hair back, as it should be, and then wiped his dampened cheeks.

There was so much he wanted to tell them, but his mind was turmoil and his body didn´t feel well at all. Danny´s look was now fixed on the bottle at the foot of the bed; his throat was dry and a pitiful whimper was all his could manage to try to ask for water. But his friends were already on it, and immediately the cool rim of the bottle was pressed to his lips, this time with awareness of the amount of liquid he was allowed to take. Sooner than he expected and to his annoyance, the bottle was removed, but before he could manifest his disapproval the precious and cool liquid was slowly being spilled on his face, while a hand tried to clean as much grime as possible away. Given his condition, it felt heavenly. He closed his eyes, and not being able to find any reserve of strength, he let his head and all his body rest like death weight, while taking comfort on his friend's presences and attendances.

"He´s hot man". "He has a fever" "…infections…" "…shivers…" "Where the hell are those clamps?…" Calming down, he was drifting and listening to them speak. Words were so near but at the same time they were becoming so far away. Until, through his closed eyelids, he felt the lights change as a figure moved, and at the same time he felt his friend lift him up a bit and move from beneath him.

" _NO don´t leave me!".._ The panicked and yet weak and rather lucid request was heartbreaking.

"We´re not leaving you, we´re not leaving you". Shushing words forced their way through his panic, and Danny found himself pressed on a firm hug. "We´re going to cut you free, ok? And the paramedics are here." Steve had to make an effort not to gag at the smell as he cradled his friend. It was all so overwhelming, it was hard to realize it has been only a few minutes, just the time that took Junior to get the clamps from the chopper and allow the paramedics to approach once the place had been secured.

Danny had so many things to tell them, to ask them, to thank them, to claim to them. But his brain was once again submerged between cotton, and the stupidest thing came out.

"I peed myself."

"Alright, don't worry about it."

"H..rts."

"Alright, alright. We´re going to the hospital now, ok?"

"Home." The barely and weak spoken word was as far as the rush of the panic induced adrenaline allowed Danny some lucidity.

Steve exchanged another look with Lou, while Junior finished cutting the chains, not without a huge amount of effort, and the paramedics went into action, motioning Steve to give them room.

The last thing Danny felt before giving up to dizziness and sleep, were two pair of hands lifting him from behind the knees and below the shoulder blades, and another pair holding his head and placing it with care on the stretcher. Danny never felt those same hands remain holding the sides of his face, nor his arm being cleaned, tested and pocked many times to try to find a vein to connect him to the IV bag.


	4. I cry because of you

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews. I appreciate them.

I cry because of you.

None of the hospital staff, not even the older and most experienced personnel, has ever in their lives treated a case like this. They had seen worse injuries, yes, but no one of them came with this background. As soon as they were notified of the oncoming patient and his condition, they organized a quick reunion to create a work team and assign functions.

-x-x-x-

There were so many lights. So many sounds, too loud for his liking. So many movements. So many spoken words flying all over him. Most of them seemed to be instructions or orders, but he couldn´t really understand their meaning. Everything he tried to focus on exceeded him. It was all too much. From the most maddening loneliness to the most frantic present, it was making him scared. He could feel his heart speed up and that made him more nervous.

The sensation of being moved on the air and placed on another surface, and then rushed, made him open his eyes again. Shapes of people became blurry colors at his sides, mostly white and blue. Air became a cold whistle that made him shudder. A blanket was miraculously placed on top of him at that exact moment.

The sensation of being the center of the attention but at the same time being alone among all the chaos was baffling. He closed his eyes, only to open them again when he felt a warm hand on his brow and a thumb start caressing his frown, while another equally warm hand emulated the same action on his arm. Through gummy lashes, Danny´s eyes partially managed to focus on a face that was close to his, directly on his line of sight. He had probably never seen a kinder face on his entire life, or maybe it was because of the lack of human contact these past months, but this woman´s smile was an oasis and provided him the calmness he totally lacked at the moment.

"Hello sweetie, my name is Iolana. Everything is fine". The powerful Hawaiian woman, apparently a nurse, addressed him directly in a firm and confident voice, taking for herself the task to decrease his anxiety and distress. Beautiful but anguished and reddish blue eyes stared her back, giving away his entire soul through his vulnerability. "Your friends are right here with you, see?" She moved a little to the side and Steve´s forced smile appeared behind her shoulder. _Why was this goof crying?_ Danny couldn´t make his brain to function any longer, so when he shut his eyes again, he shut everything else out with them.


	5. Assessing your condition

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews.

Assessing your condition.

Waking up, Danny found himself on a strangely bright place, lying down and in a great deal of pain and discomfort. He tried to move, but something restricted his attempt. He tried again with the same unsatisfactory result. He lacked the strength to try a third time. He could feel the weight of the manacles on his wrists, and the same agonizing soreness around them. Panicking, his mind didn't waste any time tricking him and placing him back on the old mattress of the metal bed while his nostrils subconsciously picked up the same putrid and humid scent of his old imprisonment place. Breathing heavily, his chest began a frantic up and down race while his heart tried to keep up with the same rhythm.

A hand on his chest startled him and made him abruptly suck in air on a harsh short breath. His mind was withdrew from his nightmare, and although his sight was a bit fuzzy and his brain boiling with fever, he could vaguely sense that he was not captive anymore. Images of his friends smiling at him; of a bottle of water; of people he didn´t know helping him; of caring brown eyes. The thunderous sound of the propellers of a helicopter; the calming sound of reassuring and shushing words; the sensation of being cradled; of being lifted and shifted; of being caressed with tenderness on his forehead. Was it all true? Did it all truly happened? Or was his mind playing with his sanity again? He needed to know. Danny instinctively tried to make sure, but his body didn't respond him. He was so weak; he could hardly raise the hand placed on his chest by taking a breath. Two thick tears started to roll down his cheeks. Hopeless, he waited one more time for the inevitable and uncomfortable feeling of them entering his ears. But that didn´t happened. They were caught midway by some sort of soft tissue. So, it was all true. Really all that happened. To make sure, he just needed to open his eyes. Only that. But Danny was so out of it. He was subconsciously afraid of it to be another dream, so panic griped his heart again.

" _Calm down Danny, it's over now, you´re safe"._ Through his confusion, the ringing in his ears and the loud hammering of his heart, a voice barely reached his thin connection to reality. He knew that voice. It was his brother´s. His friend was here, so he automatically lowered his guard, not caring to expend any extra strength by trying to protect himself of any possible threat anymore. There was surely none, or if it was, Steve would take care of it for him. He knew that and would always know it, consciously or unconsciously, like in this case.

With his breathing calming down and his panic dissipating, Danny consequently became slightly more aware and began at least sensing his surroundings, and his body. He noted that the hand once on his chest was now on his shoulder. At the same time, he couldn´t help his clothes, or what was left of them, from being efficiently removed from his frail body. Steve compassionately turned his gaze away until a thin sheet was mercifully placed over Danny´s pubic area and thighs.

He must have dozed off, because he was startled again when a gloved hand tapped lightly the side of his face while the fingers of another were trying to open his mouth and divert his tongue with a wooden stick. The sudden and unexpected intrusion made him retch. Shushing sounds accompanied the withdrawal of the stick, while the same soft fabric from before whipped away the tears that threatened to fall from his eyelashes. His mouth wasn´t able to produce enough moisture to rewet his tongue, so he was extremely grateful when some kind of sponge was placed on his lips and he was allowed to take some drops of water. His mouth was opened again and latex gloved fingers tentatively checked his teeth, gums and internal cheeks. Again, he was offered the sponge. Then it was the turn of his eyes, which one after the other endured the uncomfortable and hurtful white penlight. He was not allowed a respite, so he manifested his complaint with a groan.

Danny was able to relax a little after he was apparently allowed to rest a few minutes. The complaint attempt was successful and whoever it was took pity of him and waited for Danny to recover from the obvious stress this whole procedure was causing, not only to his body but also to his too exhausted and feverish mind.

He was starting to doze off again, but when the feeling of the ever present strong grip on his shoulder and the comforting presence of his friend was moved away from his side, he desperately opened his eyes as a wave of unfounded vulnerability attacked him unmercifully.

"It´s ok. You´re ok buddy. I´m still right here". Danny´s attention was distracted trying to figure out why he was abandoned while strong hands started to assess the condition of his arms, legs and the tenderness of his stomach. "I´m right here". Steve reassurances made it all a bit more bearable.

Danny felt the sheet being lifted, and a cool air made him tremble as it made contact with the raw and humid skin of the very affected and uncomfortable area, while a quick but effective exam was done down there. The sheet was lowered again, while a hand patted his thigh.

"Ok champion, let´s see your back now, ok?" The same unknown and deep voice he had been hearing since he woke up addressed him directly for the first time, just before two pair of arms started to turn him on his side. The movement, although done slowly and with care, brought back up the water his stomach had managed to keep down so far and a bucket appeared immediately in front of his face while two gloved hands held his head during vomiting. Dry heaves left him exhausted and he was held in place by many hands until they finished what they were doing back there. Apparently, they had to take off some shirt fabric attached to his skin. But Danny didn´t even try to keep up anymore. His wrists and foot hurt too much, now his back did too, and his brain was starting to shut down. He could see Steve now, walking behind the doctor and following him to a corridor. He watched them talk until he lost that line of sight when he was carefully laid on his back again.


	6. The NG goes in

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews.

The NG goes in.

Steve reentered the exam room, following the doctor again. This time, with Lou beside him. They had been briefly explained the most immediate steps that will be followed. They were not asked to wait outside. It was implicitly understood they will refuse and nobody wanted to waste any time with it. They were allowed to stay, but respecting the inviolably condition to not interfere and stay out of the way. So they went to the side of the room. Lou sat on an empty exam table, crossed his arms over his chest and with one hand covered his mouth and chin. Steve stood rigidly on the exact edge of the permitted area he was allowed to be without breaking the condition. His face was contorted on a frown, his lips extremely tight and his eyes, which moved uncontrollably to try to catch everything, were the only movement he evidenced.

Danny had been transferred from the rigid exam table to a more comfortable clinical bed. The bright white lights had been lowered and the pace had slowed down, giving the whole situation an apparent sense of calm for the welfare of the patient. Danny´s wrists and ankle had been loosely covered, manacles and all, with a fine sterilized gauze. A nurse was gently rinsing his face with a clean wet cloth, and then dried it with another. It was clearly obvious that, barely conscious, Danny was no longer recording anything that happened around him but was instead just weakly reacting to the touch.

After the first exam, it was determined that, beside the fluids that intravenously were being given to him since found, the priority was that Danny should be given some immediate nourishment. A proper amount of food product will be effectively sent directly to his stomach through a nasogastric tube. The doctor established it to be the best and most efficient option due to the weakened state of his patient, the extremely lack of strength plus all the stress and shock Danny was experiencing.

Picking up a tubing from a tray, the doctor prepared it while he waited for the nurse to finish running an antiseptic covered swab on the inside of Danny´s nostrils to clean them. The total lack of reaction was a certain indication that they will be missing the cooperative part the patient has to make during this particular procedure, such as bend forward or swallow.

"Ok Danny, we are going to insert a tube down your nose to your stomach so you can get some food and medicine. It will be very uncomfortable but you just relax, ok champion?" The physician addressed his patient anyway, although he knew there was no comprehension. After lifting the head of the bed, the nurse gave a mild flexion to Danny´s neck while the doctor inserted gently the lubricated tip of the tube through the selected nostril. As he pushed it with determination with one hand, with the other he palpated the neck and, finding the cricoid cartilage, he started to externally pull it outward and rightward in a controlled way. The gags were a predicted outcome and apparently the only defense the injured body could come up with against the very invasive and extremely painful procedure.

"Ok we are done. Very good Danny, you did very well." The doctor tried to soothe while securing the tube with tape. After wiping away tears and saliva, the nurse left the room only to return a moment later with a syringe and a jar of water. After introducing the food through the tube, the nurse filled the syringe with water and introduced it as well. Then, they prepared a different syringe with something else and also pushed its contents through the tube.

It took a moment to Steve to realize someone was talking to him. The doctor was saying something to him again. His eyes made an effort to leave the figure of his friend as the nurse lowered the head of the bed again and, after bringing an immaculate white blanket, covered his friend´s frail and dirty body with it and smoothed it over his chest with care. Steve´s eyes had seen so much today that his brain was taking it´s time processing. It amazed him how she didn´t seem to mind placing such a clean blanket over such a dirty body, just as he hadn´t mind at all hugging that same dirty and smelly man earlier that day. But it was different. It was his brother… A massive presence approached him on his right and Lou´s hand pressing his shoulder made him snap from his lethargy.

"Sorry doc… What..?

"Apart from the food we also gave him an antipyretic for the fever and something for the pain. I would like to let him rest an hour before we continue. The tube can be very uncomfortable, but given his state I don´t want to sedate him or give him something stronger. You can stay with him meanwhile. Ok?"

"Yeah" Steve´s eyes returned to his partner. "Is he ok?" He didn´t trust his voice right now. A few more words would come out cracked.

"Let´s take step by step Commander. Right now we allow him some rest and try to keep him comfortable while his body processes the nourishment received. If you need anything just contact me or the nurse, ok?"

"Sure thing doc, we will. We´ll stay with him". Lou affirmed, taking up the talking after Steve only nodded his head.

"Ok then, I´ll be back soon." Giving Steve´s bicep a squeeze as he passed by, the doctor left the room.

It took Steve another moment to realize that the term of the condition that prohibited him from approaching Danny to allow treatment had ended. Realizing Lou had already placed two chairs close beside the bed in which Danny was, he approached his friend´s side. But, instead of sitting on his chair, he carefully sat on the edge of the mattress and, not being able to take his hand, he took Danny´s forearm, closed his eyes and wept.


	7. The bath

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews.

The bath

Weakness is an awful thing. It makes your body heavy and your head light. The back of your neck tingles and it`s impossible for it to keep your head up. Your muscles cease to function properly. Your eyes keep seeing dancing black and yellow spots. You totally depend on others, and most of the time you´re not even aware of anything but instead you vaguely listen to voices or see faces but you don´t have enough strength to care what they´re asking or demanding. It can be a result of different things. In this case, the decreased mobility due to spending three months chained to a bed was inexcusably the primary cause, along with poor nutrition, dehydration, sleeplessness, painful cramps, stress, anguish and desperation.

Weakness plus hunger is nearly unbearable. Although, hunger was starting to give up its tenacious grip. Maybe it had something to do with the nurse that, when he opened his eyes, was pushing something through a tube. Following it with his curious and partially opened eyes, Danny realized that the tube entered his nose. _When had that happened?_ Becoming aware of the annoying conduit and all its trajectory, Danny´s first reaction was to complain. Oh, what would he give to be able to verbalize eloquently his discomfort and demands. But instead, only a broken moan, a weak cough and a slightly move of the head was all he could achieve.

Weakness plus hunger plus fever is unbearable. The next time Danny tried to open his tearful eyes, was because a cold cloth being pressed on his forehead startled him. Trying to focus, Steve´s face gained his line of sight. It was obviously desperately trying to deliver a message. "Hey buddy. We got you, we got you. You are safe". It wasn´t just a message. It was an affirmation destined to bring calm, not only to Danny but to Steve as well. A reassurance that he needed to keep hearing. It seemed to reach Danny´s mind, because he calmed a little, and closed his eyes against the soothing cold.

Each time he opened his eyes, there was a change of scenery. This time, the ceiling was moving and white lights where passing by until they reached a big door.

"Ok sweetie, here we go". The nurse said as she pushed the gurney through the bathroom door while her colleague closed the door after changing the sign to "occupied". With faces on full focus mode since they were assigned the task to attend their new and singular patient, both experienced nurses guided the stretcher with agility, positioning it next to the specially equipped clinical bathtub.

"Let´s clean you up". Without any other preamble, the sheet was removed and Danny was left completely naked before being nimbly transferred with ease to the welcoming water. The total helplessness he was experiencing didn´t allow him to protest, or reclaim some dignity, or avoid the inevitable. He was doomed to be washed by others. Danny was aware of a hand on his nape, holding his head slightly elevated, while a shower of warm water was being spilled over his face and made its way down to his torso after completely dampening his greasy hair. At the same time, someone was working on his lower half but, mercifully, he didn´t quite get the whole picture. His fever even made him feel the warm water cold. So he started to shiver at the same time that he dozed off again.

It was definitely better. Danny felt much better. The next time he opened his eyes he was still on the bathroom, but now he was lying on a clean stretcher and was being dried with a towel. At least, after months, he could smell clean scents and feel a bit human again. Then, he was carefully shaved, his nails and toenails were cut and thoroughly cleaned underneath and he almost cried with joy when the brush with toothpaste entered his mouth. He barely had the strength to poorly spit when asked and that was all he could give them. He was done, totally spent, and ready to be left alone to finally sleep without interruptions. But his desire was short lived as a nurse placed both hands on the sides of his face to catch his attention and explained the next procedure, which by no means will be pleasant.

"Very good Danny, we are almost done here. We are going to put a urinary catheter now, ok? It has to be done, doctor´s orders, you just relax, ok?". Not that he had any option. After being repeatedly forced to relieve himself on his pants, plus the humidity and lack of hygiene, Danny´s genital area was a mess and it was obviously tender and painful. It had been cleaned carefully but this last and necessary procedure reminded him of his discomfort. When they were done, Danny was covered again with a clean sheet but he wasn't able to sleep afterwards and was restless and moving uncomfortable as he was wheeled back through the bright hallway.

"Hey good looking, now we´re talking!". Steve´s attempt to cheer him up didn´t achieve its purpose. Danny was so confused as they passed by his friends and instead of reentering the exam room they continued their march and entered through a big two wings door. Something about surgery to remove the manacles. But that was it. Danny finally managed to fall asleep.


	8. Rough night, man

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews. I appreciate them a lot.

Rough night

Subconsciously picking up the pace, Steve walked with determination through the hospital´s hallways towards the ICU room in which Danny had been settled in after the surgery. He hadn´t gone home, and he didn´t intended to. He just went a few minutes outside, to take a little of fresh air from the silent night while the nurse changed his partner´s gown and sheets, which were again soaked with sweat.

His timing was perfect. He gave the nurse a small smile when they crossed at the door. She beckoned him to resume his task of keep refreshing the cloth and placing it on the hot fevered forehead until she or the doctor came to check on Danny again. He gave her the thumb up, repeating the smile. She knew she didn´t even need to ask him, that this man would do whatever it takes to help his friend.

Approaching the bed, Steve stopped a moment by the basin filled with fresh water, picked up the cloth and, while wringing it up, took a moment to examine the now apparently calm complexion of his partner. He concluded that it wasn't a natural calmness, but exhaustion and total lack of any energy reserve that made his ever moving and currently feverish friend to be so still. He also concluded that the change of the soiled bed linen for clean ones provided Danny some comfort and relief, motivating a relaxed attitude for the time being. Not wanting to disturb his friend´s peace, Steve decided to wait a little, and, folding and leaving the cloth beside the basin, he sat and reclined heavily on the chair closer to the bedside. Rubbing his forehead with his fingers, he examined Danny as much as the dim lights allowed him.

The surgery, or better say the surgeries, went well. Four long and endless hours took them to minutely separate flesh from metal; open the rusty manacles with the help of a firefighter called specially for the occasion with specific tools; clean and repair the wrists and ankle. Two more hours to fix broken bones and fingers, and three more for a plastic surgeon to carefully minimize the long-term evidence of the injuries.

Although finished, the team of surgeons agreed that additional surgeries will be required, especially because of the infections. So, they intentionally left the most compromised wounds covered but unstitched, to allow oozing. Now, after the change of sheets, gown and a general cleanup, the nurse had changed Danny´s position on the bed, allowing him to lay on his side. His heavy head was partially sunk in the soft pillow; his arms were carefully placed in front of him so not to disturb the just operated wrists and the same was done with his leg, which could be seen slightly elevated below the sheets. The tube coming out of his nose was diverted from his mouth with new and clean tape on his cheek and the other tubing coming out from below the sheets led to a bag hanging from the lower part of the bed with a little content of opaque urine. A third shiny tube was thinner, and connected to the IV bag that constantly provided fluids and antibiotics to fight the infections.

While in surgery, they had been able to keep the fever at bay, but once in the ICU, it spiked considerably. Seeing again signs of perspiration and restlessness, Steve got up, silently picked up, dipped, drained and folded the cloth. Approaching his friend, he gently sat on the edge of the bed and placed the cool fabric on the forehead and temple, pressing it a little bit so it won´t slide. The brief seconds he left his hand there were sufficient to feel the heat emanating from the distressful bedridden man. Watching the moving eyes beneath the closed eyelids, Steve sighed softly. Watching the dry, parched and lacerated lips he wondered when will Danny be able to talk coherently; when will he be capable and lucid enough to finally ask for his beloved children; when will he be the eloquent Danny again; when will he be able to tell all the things he had to get through during the kidnapping; when will he express him his forgiveness for not finding him sooner; when will he at least call him by his name; when will he… Steve closed his eyes tightly, reproaching himself. He had no right, no right to push Danny like that; no right to not be facing this with the strength his partner didn´t have at the moment and required of him to take the lead and take charge of the situation and the decisions; no right to think those things and hipotetic different scenarios of what if. He just had to be there, present, focused, for his brother, every step of the way.

Opening his eyes, Steve rubbed them with his hands and then dried his tear soaked palms on his pants. He also had no right to feel guilty. All the attention should be only and completely on his friend. Not on his own guilt, his own sorrow, but only on Danny´s recovery and needs.

Removing the cloth, he was startled by the enormous heat emanating from his friend. Reaching forward, he took the edge of the sheet and, peeling it back, uncovered Danny´s body. His partner immediately started to shiver and growled angrily in disagreement.

"I´m sorry buddy, I´m so sorry". Steve pushed the call button, convinced it was time to get the doctor, again. It has been less than an hour after the change of the soiled sheets and gown, and now the new ones were almost as sweaty as the previous ones. Rewetting the rag, Steve intended to replace it but was prevented from doing it. As he reached out to wash Danny´s sweaty face, a violently raised arm intercepted his hand halfway, catapulting the fabric on the air, making it pass by the night´s male nurse´s head, who was just entering the room at that moment. Realizing the current situation, he rapidly paged the doctor and then approached the bed to help his patient´s friend, who was having trouble keeping him still.

"Brace his shoulders and biceps with your upper body, Commander". He instructed when he saw Steve tentatively trying to grab his partner´s flying arms without causing additional harm but failing completely. At the same time, the nurse grabbed and squeezed gently but firmly Danny´s knees together and checked that the catheter did not come off or suffered a pull. Then, while they waited for the doctor, he struggled with the task to keep his legs unmoving by wrapping one arm around the knees and the other around the lower legs, minding the broken ankle. The ex-navy seal was practically lying with all his upper body strength on Danny´s chest and begging him to stop moving. But it was no use. Who knows what fever induced hallucinations made him find this energy reserve. But this reserve wasn´t very large, an soon it wore off, leaving the abused body scattered on the bed with non-existent capability of movement rather than a pitiful panting broken by a few moans.

"Ok, it´s over. It´s ok now". The nurse loudly said to achieve a sense of solace and relief while he lowered Danny´s legs that he still had pressed firmly to his chest and then smoothed and arranged the now completely wet gown so at least some dignity could be preserved.

Steve leaned with both hands heavily on the mattress, finding it difficult to look away from his friend´s face with his shocked and big eyes. But finally he blinked and looked behind when he heard a metallic sound. The doctor had arrived and was lifting the IV rack from the floor and then approached his nurse, who made a detailed explanation of the facts while he personally read the vital signs, checked all the tubes attached to his patient and pulled out the stethoscope to listen carefully to the still galloping heart.

Steve straightened from his lurched position and with rubber legs made it to a chair. Briefly looking out the window, he could see the rosy sky and the first light of dawn. Looking back inside, he saw the previous nurse entering the room with various things on her hands. A new gown and clean sheets, the third of the night; towels; ice packs; another bag of fluids; some kind of medicine and other things he wasn´t able to see due to the rapid pace of the woman. But he didn´t get up or approached them. He just took calm on the fact that Danny was being taking care of. So he sank further on the chair and rested his head on the back of it. He was so tired. They didn´t ask him so he didn´t left. He watched them work for a little while until his eyelids were so heavy he didn´t had another choice but to succumb to sleep.

Feeling the sun on his face, Steve woke up to find he was still slouched on the same chair, but now bright rays of sunlight were entering from the only window that was partially opened. Another difference was the fact that a pillow was placed behind his head and upper back, and a blanket covered his legs. Sighing heavily, he attracted the attention of a figure who, until now, Steve had not noticed its presence. Lou got up from the armchair beside Danny and came to greet him with a familiar handshake and an affectionate tap on the back. Steve gave him a faint smile, but his eyes were entirely on Danny´s tired but apparently resting shape when he spoke.

"Rough night, man".

"I know".


	9. Just go

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Just go.

"Go home Steve. Take a shower. Change those clothes. Sleep" Lou insisted again, this time not longer as an optional request but definitely more like an order. The previous three times he had asked he obtained negative answers or directly nearly null reaction from the Five-0 leader, just a slight shake of the head. Steve had not wanted yet, under any circumstance, to leave his partner´s side, especially while Danny was still fighting the fever.

The day had been a constant and tiring struggle, not only for the ailing man but also for his friends and the medical staff dealing with his fragile and demanding condition. The doctors trying to find a way of lowering his temperature; the nurses one to maintain him dry and comfortable.

But now, the fever, although still present, had loosened its grip a little bit, allowing Danny an exhausted but somehow peaceful sleep, helped by the necessary painkillers and a slight sedative the doctor had considered relevant, but that he had carefully provided in a well measured and not harmful amount, due to the weak and delicate physical condition of his patient.

At least now Lou got another reaction. Steve stood up and walked to the bed. He could see he was considering it, behind the doubts and tiredness the Commander´s face showed. Lou had the moment he was looking for. His searching eyes caught his friend´s by just one second, but it was all the time he needed to give him al confident and determined gaze. When Steve´s eyes looked for this partner again, and his hands grabbed with force the railings of the bed, Lou was done with this topic.

"Go. I´ll stay with him. If he even just twitches, I´ll call you."

"I´ll go to talk to Rachel. She came by when he was in surgery. And also I want to talk to Grace and Charlie personally."

Lou nodded his head. He knew Steve needed another reason to leave Danny´s side apart from himself. But if with that the final purpose was fulfilled, welcomed it was. Seing no movement, he advanced towards the bed and clasped Steve´s shoulder with his big hand.

"Just go, man. I promise."

Upon the reassurance of the promise of being notified and kept up to date, and after a long and deep sigh, Steve let go of the railings, grabbed and pressed Lou´s forearm affectionately, and left.


	10. Tangled sheets

A/N: Thank you for reading!

Tangled sheets.

 _He weakly turned his head to the right. The sound of a plate being placed on its regular spot on the floor next to his bed called his attention. His eyes searched anxiously, looking for the food and water. Deeply inside of him, where his pride and dignity laid crushed and trampled, he felt ashamed. He was behaving like a chained and unattended dog whose only expectation and purpose of the day was the food. The food, if anyone could call it that. It provided his body nothing but the basic to keep him breathing, to keep him alive and, therefore, valuable. Nothing nutritious at all. Each day, it was becoming harder and harder to gather the needed strength to reach the plate and even to swallow the tasteless meals that, to him, looked like pasty worms. He blinked away the nauseating image, and when he looked again, the plate had moved away a few feet. How did that happened? Ok, he wanted to take it back, he didn´t really meant it looked like worms. Please, he really needed it, he needed to be alive for when he was rescued. He needed to stay alive for Grace and Charlie. He needed to stay alive, for his friends and family. If it required him to eat meals which looked like worms, so be it, he´ll do it. He blinked again, and now his disgusting mental image became real. Huge and juicy worms overflowed from the plate, some of them making its way to the bed. Scared, Danny blinked repeatedly. What was happening? He was startled when he realized that a dark shape of a person was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. The only thing he could clearly see about it was that it was smiling with delight. A sinister smile that was soon accompanied by an equally sinister laughter. It was scaring, and, above all, Danny couldn´t understand such behavior. Usually, he was left alone, nobody sat by his side to watch him eat. Maybe they wanted to see if he would eat the new recipe. Looking at the plate again, Danny started to panic when he saw the disgusting bigger and bigger worms making their way towards him. The laughter increased as he desperately wanted to get up, but he couldn't move. He found himself tied tightly and, although he kicked and writhed with all his might, he couldn´t get away from his vulnerable place. Breathing and panting heavily, he helplessly watched until he lost sight of the now rat size worms that got under his bed. They must be for sure climbing up the metal legs of the bed, so he mentally prepared himself to see them peek over the edge of the mattress at any moment. Out of fear, each harsh breath ended in whining, and his eyes were wide with dread and anticipation. In case something was missing, the man got up and also approached his bed. Although, he was not laughing anymore but seemed worried. Danny stopped paying attention to him when the man just stood there and everything else seemed to go dark. The high windows allowed him to see the very dark and angry clouds that completely blocked the sunlight away, and a constant thunder was like a lament. He shuddered to the bone when a sudden an unexpected bright lightning beat the darkness and he was unable to stop himself from screaming as the light allowed him to see the now giant worms climbing on top of him and the dark figure of the man standing close and right next to him. Apart from laughing, the man had not made another sound, but for some reason, Danny keep hearing his name being called with insistence. An extremely loud thunder accompanied the subsequent darkness and Danny felt a shooting pain on the bladder. A worm must have started eating him! He desperately tried to roll on himself, to bring the knees to his chest, but his legs were trapped in a tangle of ropes and chains. Another loud thunder; his name being practically shouted directly in his ear; a very rough shake from the mysterious man and, with an animalistic grunt_ , Danny woke up.

….

Steve opened his eyes when a thunder made the glass of the windows vibrate and the torrential rain began to hit them with the force of the wind. He took one second to realize where he was. Lying on a bed below the windows of the ICU room where Danny was settled, he had fallen asleep as soon as he rested his head on the pillow. Yawning, he arranged the blanket under his chin and watched the drawings that the water was doing while falling on the glass and marveling himself with the well-defined lightning bolts on the horizon. Unable to fall asleep again, he contented himself with this distraction, until he heard the movement of sheets and a low whining. Instantly tossing the blanket aside, he abandoned his comfort and walked to his friend´s side. Danny´s legs were tangled with the sheets, his breathing was heavy and choked and it was obvious that he was fighting, or trying to fight, something on a cruel nightmare.

"Danny". He tried to wake him, but the nightmare seemed to have a very strong grip. "Danny, come on buddy wake up." Steve tried to bring him back many times, each new one his voice increased his volume, and when that didn´t work out, he finally and as a desperate measure, grabbed his partner´s biceps and roughly shacked him, with the necessary force to achieve breaking the strong connection with the nightmare. "Danny!" This time, accompanied by a loud thunder, Danny´s frightened eyes snapped open, immediately and desperately looking for something on the bed and trying to get away from him.

"Danny it was just a nightm.."

"G..t G,, ..way.. Get them off me! Get them off me please.. please take them away…"

"Look at me, look at me! It was a nightmare, It´s over. You are safe, Danny. You are ok." Steve forced him to lock eyes with him. When he achieved that, he tried to silently communicate calmness, security and understanding. He patiently waited for Danny to process everything. After a few minutes, when the confusion seemed to recede a little and Danny blinked repeatedly to adjust his sight to the reality and then focused entirely on his friend´s eyes, Steve tried to make a so, so waited and desired coherent communication with his friend since he was found.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"It was a nightmare ok, a bad one, but it´s over".

"..k"

Testing the waters. Steve tried to read every expression and reaction of his friend. Danny seemed exhausted and considerably weak, at the verge of falling asleep again. So he would force himself to go easy and not overwhelm Danny with his necessity of knowing each detail right now.

"Ok. You need anything? How about some water, uh?"

"I have to go. I can´t go"

"What? Where Danny, go where?" Steve gently encouraged him to clarify.

"Hurts"

"What? Where does it hurt?"

"I can´t pee. I need to go..." Danny was talking half awake and half asleep, but seemed to be lucid enough to realize he needed to resolve this matter.

"But you have a catheter…" Steve looked towards Danny´s tangled legs and sheets, and immediately began to unravel them. On the process, he found out that the tubbing had been held down and pressed, blocking the drainage of urine. He lifted Danny´s leg and allowed the liquid to reach the container bag. He finished unraveling the rest of the mess and then covered his friend and smoothed the sheets back in place.

"Better?"

There was no response. Exhausted, Danny must have fell asleep again. That was his assumption, so he was startled when Danny spoke again.

"Will you stay with me?"

Steve was taken aback by the question, but instantly answered firmly "Of course, I´m not going anywhere. I´m staying right here, ok?" He tried to emphasize and prove his point by giving Danny´s forearm a squeeze. "Ok?"

"..k"

"Ok. Go back to sleep, Danno".


	11. Weak awareness

A/N: Thank you very much for the reviews. I appreciate them a lot.

Weak awareness.

Unlike before, when he was completely oblivious to what was happening around him and was still a prisoner, not of kidnappers but of his own fever, Danny was now, very slowly, gaining a little and very thin kind of awareness, dulled still by the painkillers and slight sedatives the doctor had prescribed to be administered during the latest cures of his infected wounds and surgery incisions. It was his current phase of the ailing process. It sucked, big time. He was doomed to resign himself to it. The little consciousness of his mind couldn't escape the needs of his body. It was totally consumed and overpowered by them, and also by the dark nightmares and flashes of memories of his ordeal, which, animated by the slight improvement, were making themselves notice.

The fever was still there, barely clinging but firm as a loyal companion. It didn´t want to leave his body, but rather than hallucinations, it now enjoyed itself with making Danny extremely miserable and uncomfortable. Opening his eyes, he immediately closed them again as the blurred shapes of the room began to spin. He could feel the heat on his face and his flushed cheeks, but his body felt cold and he could not suppress the shivers that made themselves present beneath the light sheets and blanket. Moving weakly, Danny dejectedly whimpered, unable to shift and change position on the bed. The sedative must be wearing off, because the flesh and bones of his back and butt began to feel the painful outcome of being forced to be pressed on the mattress for months. Trying to shift again and failing, Danny groaned at his uselessness and resigned himself, physically and morally, to not being able to achieve it and to stay lying down uncomfortably and miserable as he was.

Sighing loudly, he quit his attempts of getting a better position and diverted his attention to something else. A strong scent of hospital was clearly present. Medicines and antiseptics, for sure. Also, Danny could smell clean. Clean sheets, clean body, and clean hair. Apart from the nice scents, he felt clean too. It was a little merciful, among everything, to feel clean at least. Tentatively opening his eyes on mere slits, through his eyelashes, he slowly scanned the room. The sunlight entering through the window was too bright and, therefore, hurtful for his used to the darkness retinas. He closed his eyes after forcing his eyes to do a second scan trough the room. He was, surprisingly, alone. His heart subconsciously quickened its pace as he became restless and scared at the feeling of vulnerability and loneliness to which he had been exposed to for so long. Him, alone with his mind. He vaguely knew now was different, that he was being taking care of, but somehow he lacked the strength to fight the unwelcomed and unfounded dread that keep making itself present. Breathing heavily through it, he opened his dry mouth and wished he could be able to reach the pitcher he just saw on the table beside his bed. He tried to moist his parched lips with a rather dry tongue and he really wished someone was there to help him as he turned his head at the direction of the water. Doing so, he became aware of a very unpleasant sensation going through his nose and throat. Wanting to explore the source of the annoying feeling, he managed to drag his arm towards his face. Unable to feel neither his hand nor his fingers, he wasn´t able to touch his face. Incapable of lowering his arm again, he was frustrated one more time, letting it rest on his chest and his bandaged hand cuddled under his chin.

Feeling totally frustrated, dejected and abandoned. He wasn´t able to take care of his needs by himself. He would have to wait for someone to help him with that. Had it been a dream or didn´t Steve assured him that he was going to stay with him? Trying to avoid the anguish, Danny´s thin connection with reality made him focus on something else, and, therefore, he concentrated on sounds. The beautiful melody of the birds outside brought back a touch of discomfort. The same melody had been one of the few sounds that accompanied him during his captivity. He was grateful for it, it somehow had saved him from going insane at the time, but, right now, he would prefer something else. Adjusting his hearing to the inside of the room, the first thing he became aware of was a faint whistle of some kind of machine, probably one of those attached to him. Then, something else caught his attention. The sound of a toilet flushing, a faucet opening, water running and, at least, a door opening.

Danny sensed a presence moving through the room. He perceived, through his closed eyelids, that the bright sunlight was attenuated by the closing of the curtains. Animated by this, he weakly cracked his eyes open. The shape of the person approaching him confirmed a fact he already knew: it was his partner.

"Hey buddy. You had to wake right when I had to take care of some business back there, uh?" Steve´s fondness smile was soothing and his mere presence helped to start putting the dreads at bay. Danny´s heavy eyelids fell, hiding behind them two tired blue eyes, as the cool back of a hand was placed on his forehead, checking the persistent presence of fever. Another hand carefully helped him return his arm to the mattress. Then, both hands occupied themselves on arranging the light bedding covering him.

Sighing deeply, Danny was able to recognize and really appreciated Steve´s attempt to lighten things up, but he really wasn´t in the mood nor did he had the necessary strength to enter on that kind of exchange right now. It would be sufficient for his contempt to achieve the things he failed miserably when he tried alone, to take care of those needs his body was painfully reclaiming.

After a cool and welcomed cloth was removed from his slightly hot forehead after dabbing it, Danny turned his head to the side, trying to moisture his lips again, but failing. But now, he could be helped.

"Water" His voice, muffled and rough, achieved nonetheless the same positive result. He maintained his eyes closed as he felt the head of the bed being raised a bit more and while Steve´s presence moved and he heard the delightful sound of water filling a glass. He opened them when he felt a hand sliding on the back of his debilitated neck and, supporting his nape, it assisted raising his head the necessary to achieve the right angle to drink without risk of chocking.

"Here. Slowly". The command was made at the same time that the cold rim of the glass was pressed above his lower lip and the precious liquid was allowed into his mouth. Danny´s halfway eyes focused entirely on the crystal water below his nose, marveling himself with the colors it reflected when the sunlight that managed to avoid the curtains made contact with it. He watched the movement of the water as he was given small sips, until he was satisfied and searched for his friend´s eyes again. Doing so, he saw the exact moment in which Steve´s face and eyes mutated from a tired and concerned look to a calmer, happier and determined one, for his benefit, for sure. Danny knew deep inside him that his was expected to speak more, to ask things, to reclaim seeing his children, to be more himself. But he was also aware that, right now, he was unable to do so. He lacked the wellbeing and strength necessary to do it, to face it. It was hard having to rely everything on his friends and burden them like this, but he needed to do it, he needed their strength because he didn´t have any of his own. He couldn´t even change his position by himself on the bed.

Danny heard as the glass was placed on the table and was slightly startled when a hand tenderly grabbed and squeezed affectionately his forearm.

"Sorry. You ok? Need something else?" Steve compassionately asked, seeing that Danny was on the last of his reserves. His partner´s eyes practically were closing against his will.

"Yeah" The barely audible response had Steve approaching closer to be able to hear. When nothing else came, he coaxed expectantly: "What, what else do you need buddy?"

"T.. lie on m.. side.." That was it. Totally spent, Danny achieved the task to take care of all his needs, but never felt the head of the bed being lowered, nor the hands of the nurse that Steve called to assist turning Danny on his side, nor the sheets moved and the back of his gown being opened to allow the cream to be applied on his bed sores areas.

Steve thanked the nurse as she left. Not needing to put a strong face anymore, he sat on the armchair, hid his face in his hands, rubbed his tired eyes and took a big and deep breath.


	12. The doctors

A/N: Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

The doctors.

Danny came around by the sound of voices. One of them he knew well. It belonged to his partner. Another one was known to him, the grave tone of his doctor. He had never heard the third one before. Picked up by curiosity, he slowly opened his eyes. Blurrily at first, he managed to distinguish two white coated figures talking quietly with Steve by the windows of his room. So, the third voice belonged to another doctor. Losing interest, he closed his eyes again, taking comfort on the fact that he was propped on his side instead of lying on his sore back and the soft pillow caressed his face, which he purposely sunk further towards the clean scent of the linen. But his intent to doze off again was frustrated as the voices fell silent and he heard movement. His waking has been noticed. His curiosity had given him away.

Sighing, Danny partially opened his sleepy eyes again as he felt presences approach his bed. The two doctors stood now by his side, but his friend exited the room.

Seeing his patient´s sight stayed focused on the door through which the Commander had just left, the doctor moved to block Danny´s visual, intending to catch back his full attention while his colleague closed the privacy curtain around the bed.

"Your friend just went down to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, he´ll be back as soon as we´re finished. Is that ok with you?"

"Yeah" The barely audible and rather unconvinced answer was delivered as the firm gaze of the physician was able to catch the pale blue eyes again.

"Ok. Good" The doctor´s reassuring smile told him his answer has been the correct one. Keeping the relaxed manner, he bent down to lift a little the head of the bed. Then, staying close to Danny and exuding calmness and security, he placed one hand softly on Danny´s forearm. "I´m doctor Tad Kalama. I have been conducting your treatment since you were admitted to this hospital. You may not remember much because you have been fighting a strong fever due to some infections, but luckily that fever just broke yesterday." Waiting a few seconds for his patient to absorb the information, he continued on a jovial tone. "But now that you´re free from it, we can concentrate on keep getting you better. Sounds good uh? What do you say champ?"

"Ok". Definitely not as talkative as he had been told this detective was. The other doctor, actually a psychiatrist, who until now has been standing at the foot of the bed observing with attention, approached the other doctor´s side as Danny´s questioning sight finally fell upon him. Also smiling and serene, he introduced himself.

"Detective, I´m doctor John Hale. I specialize on psychiatry and work here in this hospital on the neurological ward. I work with people who went through traumatic events, just like you. I would like to accompany you during your recovery process and help you in wherever I can, working together here with doctor Kalama, the group of professionals assisting you, and of course your friends and family". He paused and tried to absorb his patient´s reaction. Danny just slowly blinked and gave a curt and barely perceptive nod. Nodding himself and taking it as an affirmative response, the doctor continued. "Excellent, Detective." He enthusiastically replied, giving Danny again the sensation that he was doing the right thing and making the correct choices, which subconsciously helped to start building up his crushed confidence.

"What do you prefer me to call you? Is ´Detective´ alright?" The psychiatric, addressing Danny again, startled him out of the private thoughts he had just retreated to. The understanding on the doctor´s eyes encouraged him to trust and make an effort to comply, but the truth was that he felt very weak and tired, with an ever-present slight headache and the fact that he easily became overwhelmed.

"Danny.." The sighed out response told the doctor that his patient had had enough of questioning.

"Ok Danny, very good." The once again one-word response and the short lived tolerance, although not due to anger but rather because of tiredness and being fed up of the attention, didn´t go unnoticed by the doctor, who finished typing something on his workpad and choose to finish his screening right there, so as not to overuse the trust of his patient and maintain the gained confidence alive. "I think we finished for today, ok Danny? I can see you´re tired, so I´m going to leave you with Dr. Kalama so he can examine you next, alright? I will be coming back tomorrow."

"Alright.." Giving Danny a gentle squeeze on the leg and the other doctor a signal to follow him and to give him a minute, they disappeared through the curtain. Danny listened them talking quietly for a minute, until he felt the sheet being moved down towards his waist, uncovering his upper body. His principal doctor was back, and was now carefully removing his gown through his arms, lifting them one by one to pass the sleeves through the bandaged hands without causing additional pain.

"Ok Danny, first I want you to know that it´s completely normal to feel weak and tired after a prolonged period of high fever". The doctor started to talk while he finished removing the gown and exposed the thin torso of his patient. Every rib could be easily seen. He thought wisely to avoid mentioning Danny anything about his ordeal for the time being, because his weakness wasn't only a result of his fever, but primary due to the three months he lied down chained to a bed.

"Ok here we go" The doctor put the removed gown aside and then proceeded to adjust his stethoscope on his ears. "I´m going to examine you now. While we do this, I want you to tell me if anything hurts or any discomfort you may feel, ok Danny?"

"Ok". Danny flinched surprised as the doctor placed the stethoscope on his bare back.

"Sorry. Is it cold?" The physician looked for Danny´s face with a big smile, as if telling him he had done it on purpose. His intention of lighten the mood of this routine was achieved as he noticed with delight that the shy smile that appeared on his patient´s lips reached his eyes. "Yeah". The smile lasted a few seconds, but after that the doctor felt Danny relax a bit more. "Ok, I promise next time I´ll warn you". He run the pad through different places of the back, listening concentrated. "Take a deep breath. Good. A bit deeper. Ok very good". Then he did the same on Danny´s chest. Putting the device aside, the physician´s skilled hands delicately but firmly palpated his back, lower back and coccyx, avoiding touching the bed sore areas. Danny reacted complaining it hurt, and the medic checked what he already knew. A great deal of pain and discomfort was present when the area was submitted to pressure, as a result of having to support all the weight during a prolonged period of time.

"Danny, now I´m going to ease you on your back…" "No.." "…just for five minutes, I´ll do a quick exam and then help you on your other side." Minding the tubing and lines attached to his patient and the bandaged limbs, as soon as Danny dejectedly closed his eyes, he carefully maneuvered the delicate body on the required position. Working quickly to not exceed the five minute line he promised, he experimentally pressed deeply different spots on Danny´s flat abdomen. "I want you to tell me if there´s pain, ok? Take a deep breath.." Under the strong pressure, Danny´s limited strength faltered, and he wasn´t able to take a proper breath. "Deeper". "Can´t" The frustrated reply came with an edge of desperation, and the doctor rushed to placate the distress. "It´s ok don´t worry. Any pain there?" "No.." "Ok good. We´re almost done" Sensing the doctor move from his side, Danny felt his left leg being uncovered and one doctor`s hand sliding below his ankle and the other placing on his sole. "Push on my hand with your foot. Good. Now can you lift your leg?" The limb trembled with effort but weakness won. "Ok Danny very good".

After discarding his latex gloves and sanitizing his hands, the physician picked up a clean gown. Danny startled awake from his doze when his arms were carefully assisted through the sleeves of the new gown, along with the IV line and bag, which was placed again on the hanger. Then, he was grateful as he was gently moved and propped up on his left side. Sighing with content as he was covered up whit the soft sheets and light bedcovers, he was ready to doze off again from being totally spent after the exam, but he had no choice but to open his eyes again as he felt the doctor sit on the edge of the mattress and place a hand on his bicep to get back his attention.

"I will let you sleep in a minute. I want to talk to you about important items you must be aware of, to help with your healing process. I´ll be brief but I want you to understand your current situation." The professional seriousness helped Danny not to ignore the importance of the things the doctor wanted to tell him, whom, while speaking, was making sure Danny was following. He did, so he continued.

"Ok Danny. First you are aware that you feel very weak and you tire easily. It´s due that you arrived here with considerable malnutrition, you have lost a lot of weight and your muscles also lost their resistance. That's why our first step to concentrate on and achieve will be getting you stronger ok? Nourish you so you can regain strength. While you were feverish we helped you with this – the doctor reached forward and indicated the nasogastric tube coming out of Danny´s nose - I know it´s uncomfortable but it´s helping us to provide you food and medicines. By the time being we´re going to keep it, but now I want you to also start taking food by mouth. We´ll start with processed ones first, see how you tolerate it and then gradually we´ll be adding solid food." The doctor stopped for a minute, wrote something down, and looked again at his silent patient. "Danny, how do you feel about eating?" "Ok" "Alright" he smiled understandably, knowing that a silent mouth didn´t always meant a silent mind. He was able to see through the troubled eyes of the ailing man that he was falling into the account of how sick, needed and dependent he was. He tried to soothe the arising fear. "We´re going to go easy, step by step. We have a great team of professionals and you have great friends who support you one hundred percent. Rely on that. You´re not alone." Dr. Kalama gave Danny a minute to calm down, and then continued before sleep claimed his patient´s resistance once more. "Another thing I´ve arranged regarding your strength recovery is rehabilitation sessions. But we´ll wait for that a couple more days. Meanwhile, every chance you have to move your arms and legs, or someone helping you change position on the bed, ask for it. You have developed some bed sore areas, so it´s very important to keep changing positions. Once we start the rehabilitation, you´re going to be able to sit and take an assisted walk, but as I said, we´re going to go easy".

Dr. Kalama got up, which made Danny open his halfway ayes entirely. He nodded when asked if he wanted a sip of water. He took three, and he was helped down again. The medic uncovered his arms, which were lying slightly extended in front of him, and Danny was able to focus carefully for the first time on the heavy and rather large bandages that covered from the middle of his forearm to the tips of his fingers. The doctor started explaining the IV line on his left arm which provided him fluids and antibiotics before moving to his hands.

"The day you arrived here…"

"How many days..?" Danny absently asked, still looking at his bandaged hands.

"Four" Waiting for another question, but not receiving one, he continued. "You had surgery performed on both your wrists and hands, and your right ankle. The surgeons repaired flesh and some broken bones. You had been and are currently having daily cures to treat infections of the now healing wounds and once you´re a bit stronger we will schedule a second round of surgeries that are needed". The doctor waited a moment. "You are with me, champion?" "Yeah.." "Ok. If you have any question you can ask me." "No…" The energy reserves wore completely off. Totally spent, Danny´s eyes closed on their own accord, against theirs owner´s will. They opened again when Danny felt the covers being replaced and smoothed over his shoulder and arms. "Sorry…" The barely audible apology for his body´s betrayal had the doctor patting his leg. "I will let you sleep now". Hearing the permission to succumb to his need, the ailing man stopped fighting the heaviness of his eyelids and immediately was sound asleep.

Pulling back the curtains, the doctor was startled at the sight of a figure sitting by the window. He recovered quickly. "Commander".

"Sorry doc. Just got in here".

"You may want to save that on the refrigerator for now. He´s sound asleep".

Glancing at the items he held in his hands, Steve wordlessly nodded. The physician patted his back and motioned him to follow him outside. The faithful partner glanced at his peacefully sleeping friend, placed the juice and puddings on the nightstand and obediently followed the doctor through the door.


	13. Panic

A/N: Thank you for your support!

Panic

Lying awake in the dark, watching the moonlight shadows moving slightly on the wall at the rhythm of the gentle breeze coming from the open window, Danny was uneasy and nervous. His finally feverless mind was becoming more aware of his misery, his helplessness, his weakness. The doctors have been reducing progressively the doses of sedative and closely examining him to find an adequate balance that would be beneficial not only for his debilitated and hurtful body but also for his overwhelmed mind.

Being released, his mind has become his enemy. Every thought was negative and dark. Danny finally became aware of how terribly he missed his children. Grace and Charlie were his entire world, and subsequently, next to that fact, the cruel thought of not being able to take care of them and not being the strong presence he used to be for them gripped his heart painfully. He took a ragged breath, and exhaled with a whimper. He didn´t doubt his children´s unconditional support and love, the same that his friends had given to him so far, but he couldn't help the oppressive anguish that began to compress his chest.

Danny was afraid for his future. He was afraid for the process of getting there. His pride and confidence had been tied up three months and slowly had died inside of him. He was terrified of not being able to become what he had been, of not being the same he used to be anymore. He felt an intense wave of heat engulf his face, followed by a cold one. He began to sweat, tremble and feel an uncomfortable tingling and weakness in the legs.

Opening his mouth, Danny tried to take more air to fill his burning lungs. What had he done to deserve this? His anguish intensified, the feeling of loneliness taking him back to his kidnapping room. But he tried to shook that though away, because since rescued, he hadn´t been alone one second. He clinged to that fact as he weakly and clumsily tried to raise his head to look for who he knew had to be nearby. He needed help. He felt he was dying.

"St..v.." His friend was sleeping soundly on his bed. He had to try harder if he really wanted to wake him.

"Steve". Better, but not enough. After a few scared breaths to reunite strength, Danny forced his quivering voice one more time, knowing that if he failed he wouldn´t be able to do it again.

"Steve!" This time the figure on the bed stirred. Danny lowered his head on the pillow again, closing his eyes after the exhausting effort to be heard. Through his closed eyelids, he saw yellow lights dancing, and his neck felt the ugly sensation of itching of weakness and panic. He felt himself fading, vanishing, and loosing himself to the distress and fear, so much stronger than him. He felt himself falling on an endless abysm, until two strong arms caught him and he gasped in surprise. Danny was disoriented as his upper body was handled, until he found himself firmly pressed on a warm hug.

"Shhh shh sh. Hey, hey buddy, calm down, calm down.." Steve could feel the frantic hammering of his friend´s heart, pounding unmercifully and shaking his whole thin frame. Danny was freaking out, his palpitations competing in speed with the tremors and shivers. He needed security, support, anchoring. He strongly grabbed Danny´s nape with one hand, tucking his friend`s restless head under his chin and making the necessary pressure to keep it resting in his shoulder. With the other hand, he rubbed soothingly his partner´s back, up and down. He could feel every vertebra and every rib.

"..m gonna pass out". The scared whimpered words didn´t try to hide the panicked edge.

"No you´re not, no you´re not". Steve adjusted his grip, massaging his friend´s nape and back of the neck with strong fingers and started to rock slowly, cradling the miserable vestiges of that man he considers his brother. "Stay with me here, ok? You´re going to be fine, we´ll figure everything out".

Danny hated this; hated himself; hated being so weak; hated showing himself so vulnerable; hated being the receiving end of compassion and protectiveness; hated being shushed and cradled like a child. He was ashamed, but deep down he was aware that he was needed of contention and a lot of help to get through all this. All this feelings increased his anguish, making him try to take long breaths through his open mouth to achieve filling his tight lungs, but failing. The soothing caress of his back increased.

"..m scared". There. He hadn´t had any lower to go in dignity, so he said it. He needed to say it. After all, it was Steve, and he was sure Steve already knew.

Steve closed his eyes, his heart compressing at the admission. He knew how much it had to have taken from Danny to say that, and the truth was that he was scared too.

"Shh I know you are, but you know what? We are in this together, you´re not facing this alone, ok? Come on Danny, relax buddy". The soothing words spoken slowly and directly above Danny´s ear managed to break the panic barrier. He let himself being held and consoled, letting his exhausted and heavy head rest on his partner´s width shoulder, subconsciously accepting and sharing with him the burden he couldn´t bare by himself. He shivered, his sweat covered body not appreciating the cool night breeze that came through the window.

Without being released from his friends embrace, he was surprised as a blanket was placed over his shoulders, covering his bare and sweaty back. The kind face of the nurse appeared in front of his line of sight.

"Ok sweetie, I´m gonna give you something to help you relax, is that ok?".

Danny closed his eyes, sighing deeply, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Yes, go ahead". He heard Steve giving permission to the nurse, feeling the vibration of his voice on his face. He couldn´t think anymore. He trusted his friend with the decision, knowing it would be the right one. He felt his anxiety leaving him, his heart normalizing its pace. He felt his face vibrate again, he tried to listen, pay attention to what his friend was saying, but sleep claimed him at the same time he felt the tears of his face being dried with a soft tissue and the hand on his back resume its soothing pattern.


	14. Friendship knows

A/N: Thank you for reading and especial thanks for those who take the time to post a review, I appreciate them a lot. Thank you!

Friendship knows.

Pulling a chair towards the bedside, Steve sat. Reaching back, he pulled a rolling small table and placed it next to him. Glancing briefly at his partner, he focused on the bag he held on his lap. Rummaging in it, he took out a spoon and placed it on the table.

"Mashed apples or vanilla pudding?" Trying to lighten up the mood by asking a simple question, Steve broke the awkward silence that lingered in the room since he returned from the cafeteria, about an hour ago.

He had been asked to leave when the nurse entered carrying towels and the necessary elements for the routinary bed bath. It had been the first time Danny was completely awake and aware during the procedure. He hadn´t neither complained nor gave difficulties, he tried to help when asked to cooperate and not a single grumble passed his lips. But internally, it was another matter. Danny´s crumpled pride received another low blow, not being given a respite, not being allowed to raise a single bit.

Steve totally understood that his friend wasn't to blame for his current foul mood. Danny was completely entitled to feel the way he did. Useless newly bandaged hands were lying on his lap as Steve had pocked through the curtain when he was allowed entry. The nurse had propped him up on his sore back, the head of the bed fully raised, so he was almost sitting up straight. She was carefully drying his hair with a towel and then started combing it to the side. She had asked him politely if he was comfortable and if he needed something else. A negative shake of his head was all the answer she received. She had smiled to him then, smiled to Steve, drew the curtain back, picked up her stuff and wordlessly left the room.

In the same silent way, Steve had approached his friend´s side, picked up the comb and remade his friend´s hairstyle, combing it completely backwards as usual. Danny had sighed deeply, frustrated, and had deliberately avoided eye contact. Steve had given him space, understanding the need of privacy and time for oneself. Danny wasn´t able to decide when to be alone. There was always someone attending his needs, someone watching him closely to make sure he was ok. Consequently, Steve had partially closed the privacy curtain again, giving his partner his own private space, and then had sat on an armchair near the door, quietly remaining there, away from Danny´s sight but near in case he called him.

The doctor had given strict orders to make Danny start eating orally. When he said it would be good if a familiar face assisted his patient doing it, due to his present lack of use of his hands, Steve had agreed and, of course, he volunteered. The task had made him nervous since the start. Danny´s pride was crumbled and buried ten feet under the ground. The fact of being fed by someone else, especially his friend, will bury him deeper.

After the hour he gave Danny to be by himself, Steve stood and slowly drew back the curtain. Pulling a chair towards the bedside, Steve sat. Reaching back, he pulled a rolling small table and placed it next to him. Glancing briefly at his partner, he focused on the bag he held on his lap. Rummaging in it, he took out a spoon and placed it on the table.

"Mashed apples or vanilla pudding?" He looked up and gave his friend a sincere smile.

Danny has calmed down, but he looked tired and listless. The still present dark shadows below his eyes remarked his pallor. His lowered sight fixed on his damaged hands, still avoiding eye contact. He appeared to not have listened, or better say not want to listen.

Steve placed the pudding pots and the bag on the table. Getting up, he abandoned all theory of giving his friend space, and sat on the edge of the mattress. His control freak attitude and impatient nature surfaced and he forced his weak friend to face him, grabbing his bicep and gently placing a palm on his check to turn his face towards him. Danny closed his eyes.

"I´m tired, Steve". A dejected and flat voice warned his friend about his mood. Without escape, Danny opened his eyes again when the determined presence at his side not only didn´t go away but instead perched closer and firmly grabbed both his forearms, demanding attention. Steve´s hold loosened its force when his eyes locked with the pained expression of his friend. The pain reflecting through the blue orbs was physical but also emotional, and was accompanied by a low hiss.

"Sorry buddy, did I hurt you?" He should have known better than to grab Danny so near his wrists.

"No, ..t´s ok" As clear as Steve could see the pain on his friend´s eyes, Danny could see the weariness on Steve´s. Maintaining their eyes fixed steady on each other´s for the first time since Danny was more coherent and lucid, they were able to communicate their feelings through their brotherly and strong bond.

Apart from pain, Danny´s eyes were also filled with anguish, and something like shame. "Sorry about last night, I …" The barely audible apology was accompanied by the breaking of the eye contact and the subsequent lowering of Danny´s gaze again to his useless hands. "I …"

Steve didn´t push him, although he desperately wanted to make his friend talk and open up. Danny´s mouth worked around some silent words but shut again without saying anything else. A sigh left his lips and he rested his head tiredly on the raised pillows.

Steve adjusted his body perched on the bed. Moving closer, he took his friend´s forearms again, lightly but with such demanding insistence that obliged Danny to look up again.

"Listen to me. You don´t have to be sorry about anything, alright? Never, ok? Hear me out here. I know you had been through hell, and that you hurt. But you are not alone. There´s a lot of people who love you and support you. I already told you, I´ll stay with you every step of the way. You are my brother. I love you and I want to help you. Let me help you." Steve´s voice quivered and tears clouded his vision. He has also been through his own personal hell this past three months.

"I´m ok. Just tired and feel weak but I´ll be fine.." Hearing Danny trying to be his strong and supportive self on his behalf was too much. A strangled sob escaped Steve´s throat followed by a few forced breaths to calm himself. He had to be strong, at least in front of Danny. He couldn´t burden him with his feelings too.

"I´m sorry I´m sorry. Listen, you can tell me anything, ok? You don´t have to be strong for me. Don´t worry about last night. I understand. You had been through a lot. It´s normal to feel scared. Believe me, I know. I´m here for you. All your friends are, and your family, buddy." Steve ran his hands up and down his partner´s arms as a shiver made Danny tremble.

"You …"

"Grace and Charlie, how are they?"

The sudden and fast spoken question stopped Steve´s mid-sentence and startled him. He could feel the increasing level of anxiety emanating from his friend. At the same time, he felt relieved that Danny finally asked about his beloved kids.

"They´re great pal. They miss you enormously, you can´t imagine, but they are great". He accompanied his calm spoken words with a fond smile, intended to assure and sooth his nervous friend.

"They… ok..? Last night I was so afraid for them, I couldn´t breathe, I panicked." Steve had to make a lot of effort not to miss anything of the almost whispered words. "Then I was scared because I don´t know if I…" Danny trailed off, breathing harder he started to pant. The matter obviously was so important to him that caused his anxiety to overwhelm him completely. Who knows how many times his mind reached his kids while he was a prisoner on that humid and dirty place. Who knows how many breakdowns his soul had to endure alone. Steve hastened to soothe his friend by trying to clarify this subject a little more so that Danny could step on firmer ground.

"Danno listen, they are fine. Trust me. Relax now, ok? Calm down buddy". Watching Danny trying to regain composure, he continued to fill the blanks about his kids that scared Danny so much. "Dr. Hale said that when you feel ready they could visit… Don´t worry, they are fine. This past few days Dr. Hale had been in contact with them, talked to them and explained everything with care. Apart from that Grace and Charlie had been very well handled all the time buddy, besides family and ohana they had been seeing a specialist, an extraordinary psychologist that specializes in children. So, you see? They are very well cared for and contained, but they only miss their daddy so much." Steve smiled. It was a smile that spoke by itself. It couldn´t lie. The words that he heard were the truth. His kids were ok. Danny felt his chest decompress a little. A tiny and little perceptible smile lighted up his somber face a bit. Steve registered the change and also breathed easier. His smile grew wider and his big hand squeezed affectionately his friend´s shoulder. That was enough talking and emotions for now. The doctors had warned everyone. The steps should be small and carefully measured.

Steve sat back again on the chair and reached for the forgotten bag and spoon from the rolling table. Lifting his gaze to his partner, Danny was dozing off, clearly tired and spent. But the doctor´s instructions were clear.

"Danny, you must eat something buddy". And Danny´s heavy eyelids reluctantly opened.


	15. Eat

A/N: Thanks for reading! I love to hear what you think. Please review and let me know!

Eat

Steve reentered the room with fresh pots just taken out of the fridge. The ones that had been waiting on the table had lost their coldness and were not very appealing to taste.

"Ok, now we´re good." He gave his surprisingly awake friend a smile. "Which one first? Doctor said you have to eat at least two. Let´s see, now we haaave…. vanilla pudding.. peach yoghurt aaand.. mashed apples. You choose buddy."

Sighing to himself, Danny signaled his preferences.

"Apple and peach it is!" Steve jovially said as he proceeded to place two pots on the table and started to remove the lid of the mashed apples.

Although Steve´s attempt to lighten the mood, the nervousness he felt inside was inevitable and it has been silently growing up. This particular seemingly basic and simple task has become psychologically sensitive for both of them. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve saw and sensed Danny trying to move and achieve a more comfortable position on the bed. Placing the little pot on the table, he approached his friend and helped him straighten up and arranged the pillows behind his back. Danny tensed and closed his eyes, as an unexpected and shockingly wave of dizziness hit him hard and the room turned upside down. Feeling himself falling, his arms instinctively reached for support. The wounded hands made contact with anything that happened to be on the way, and that hurt. Two strong hands stilled him by the elbows, and he gained sense of direction again. The white spots stopped dancing behind his closed eyelids and the annoying ringing in his ears slowly faded away. Grunting pitifully and breathing hard, Danny lowered himself on the raised pillows and after a few minutes he used to calm down, he tentatively opened his eyes.

"What happened?" His friend´s concerned eyes were too close, making it hard for Danny to focus and, although squinting, his half-closed and narrowed eyes transmitted the well-known and now familiar frustration.

"Dizzy." Danny could feel his increased heart rate slowly normalize its pace. "..m ok." Steve studied him for a second and, approving, he reassumed his previous task. Reaching for the spoon, he sat at the edge of the bed and started stirring the apple product.

"Hope it tastes better than it looks". Steve´s laugh made Danny´s turned away face look at him and a shy smile lighted up his handsome features. The two friends shared a moment of relief and silently support emanating from each other, telepathically preparing themselves for the moment none too pleasant they had to share. Smiling in silence, Steve continued to stir the mashed apples, trying to sense the appropriate first move he should take. He relished this moment though; he relished that the deep connection with his friend remained intact; that the smile on Danny´s face was easy to achieve; that although weak, tired and sometimes scared, his friend was a fighter and was making his best efforts to get better.

"Give me that, get this over with and then kill me." The low voice giving permission, impregnated of Danny´s old self, helped Steve made his move. Running the spoon through the rim of the pot, he raised it towards his friend´s mouth. Opening it, Danny awkwardly took the food and without much fuss swallowed it, along with was left of his pride. The motion brought back to notice the very uncomfortable and annoying feeling at the back of his throat. Instinctively and without thinking Danny tried to raise his hand to his face, frowning in frustration at his weakness, his clumsiness and the restrictively lines attached to his elbow flexure and other parts. He was aware of every one of them, but one of the most annoying at the moment was the one that entered his nose.

"Danny, what are you doing?" Steve tenderly pinned his partner´s arm back down, taking on the discomfort emanating from his friend.

"What is that..?" The whined question was accompanied by a new attempt at raising his arm, which was effectively blocked by Steve´s firm forearm, the same arm which held the spoon.

"What is what? Relax.."

"Throat." The one word answer was back. Those in which Steve had to guess the rest of the problem. He guessed right this time.

"It´s the NG tube, remember? Leave it, you still need it buddy."

Without much time to give it some thought, Danny found the spoon right in front of his mouth. Obediently opening up, the mouthful was again beyond awkward. This time the spoon hit teeth.

"Watch out you goof.."

"Sorry." Steve couldn´t help nor hide his big smile. He hold on to those glimpses of his old friend for dear life and to make this all difficult process more bearable. He just knew Danny was doing the same. He knew Danny was hurting, was afraid, and was doing this effort on purpose, for himself, but primary for Steve´s sake. His smile lost a bit its wideness. He knew Danny would always put himself last; would minimize his suffering; would act for others benefit. This time he was caring for his partner´s. This realization hit Steve as an unexpected lightning. He knew Danny had sensed his nervousness and was now trying to relieve the tension by doing what he does best, being his friend. The smile left Steve´s face completely.

"Will you feed me that or what?" There it was again. A little forced and tired, but Danny nonetheless.

"Yeah, sorry". Steve left his lethargy and took another spoonful. This was the most awkward of the three spoons they managed to work on so far. Part of the apple product ended up on Danny´s lower lip and chin. Steve decided to play along.

"Will you open wider? damn it!"

"You load it too mu.." His complaint was cut short by the rag that was suddenly covering his mouth and wiping his lips and chin out. As the rag was put aside, Steve discovered they shared the same amused smile.

"Put less on it."

"I will, thank you."

The next mouthfuls improved a lot and by the end of the pot they were two pros. Danny was grateful for the water he was next offered, and when he was ready to settle down, Steve started to remove the lid of the yogurt.

"No, I don´t want any more."

"Come on, the Doc said you had to eat two Danny. And we are gonna do what he says. You have to get stronger."

"I barely finished that one."

"Come on, you´re just tired, eat this and then you can go to sleep." Steve hated pushing him, but he had been warned of this possible behavior, and subsequently he has been given useful tips to achieve his goal.

Danny sighed and opened his mouth when he realized that the persisting spoon tapping his lips wouldn´t recede. The acid taste of the yogurt in contrast with the sweetness of the apples made him crumple his face. Steve smiled, but this time Danny was not amused anymore. His eyelids were weighing a lot and all his effort now was put on keeping his eyes open. He must have failed because he had to open his eyes, he hadn´t realized he had closed them, and found Steve now hunched on the chair instead of sitting on the bed, holding the half full pot of yogurt and playing with its content with the spoon.

"Sorry." His weak and groggy apology made his partner stand and sit again at his side.

"Don´t worry about it. You feel like finishing it?" He smiled, encouragely.

"Ok." A non-too convinced answer was sufficient for the spoon to be at the entrance of his mouth again, claiming to be able to enter. He hardly managed to eat all, and there was no space for anything else inside him. When he was offered water, this time he just took two small sips and stood up for his right to not being given more. He crumpled his face again and closed his eyes, this time as a sign of frustration as the now annoying and humid rag cleaned his mouth and chin again. He didn´t open his eyes as he felt Steve getting up, lower the head of the bed and arrange his bedding.

"Go to sleep buddy." At the verge of reality and the land of dreams, he heard his friend moving around, and sensed the light diminish as the window lids were pushed down.


	16. Heartache

A/N: Thank you for reviewing! I appreciate you taking the time. I personally had to feed another adult. It´s a hard thing to do. Poor guys!

Heartache.

Stopping short, Lou exited the room before fully entering it. Without time to be seeing, his massive body was agile enough to quietly move back and successfully make his presence go unnoticed. He wanted to give them privacy and didn´t desire to add any more discomfort to his friends, apart from the fact that the task they were executing was obviously already doing it. As he briefly poked his head through the door, he saw Steve raising and directing the spoon towards his friend´s open mouth, accompanying it with a rag on his other hand and placing it below Danny´s chin to avoid any unwanted and involuntary spilling.

Lou had previously arranged with Steve coming at this hour to allow the Five-0 leader some time to take care of himself, because he had practically been standing by Danny´s side day and night since the moment his feverish and sleepy partner had asked him if he would stay with him, already three days ago. It had been impossible for Lou and everyone else to convince him to make him leave and take shifts again, even when Danny was sound asleep. But now, as their friend showed a little improvement, his resolve quivered a little and Lou was able to talk some sense into him. Three days in hospital could mean improvement on an ailing patient, but it was the other way around in a healthy person. Tiredness and anxiousness were evident on Steve. He could really use a good night sleep in his own bed and take a much needed run and a swim in the ocean.

Obviously, things have delayed themselves and Steve was still occupied helping his partner. Giving them time, Lou soundlessly walked towards the nurses' station; asked the one in charge if she could notify Steve of his arrival once his friend finished and looked for him; nodded his thanks; smiled politely to her; took the elevator and headed to the cafeteria on the first floor. After picking up some juice and some food with the intention of giving it to Steve as soon as the commander joined him, he slumped on a chair at a table by the windows. Running his hands over his face, he took a deep breath and left the air out slowly. The past days de hadn´t been in the hospital too much as Steve, but he was also quite tired. Danny´s case wasn't an easy one, and the team wanted desperately to apprehend the bastards that did this to him; to all of them. But so far, they got nothing. The only thing they were sure was that it wasn´t something personal with Danny, it was something linked with a case the team had worked at least year ago. It could have been any of them, but Danny had been the chosen one, maybe randomly, maybe not, but the truth was that he had paid the price for them all. The talkative and most of the time sarcastic detective, the real crucial stone of their ohana, had been hit hard and reduced to dust. Closing his eyes while still rubbing his face, Lou felt that his own tiredness was now mixed with an oppressive anguish that gripped his heart unmercifully. At the moment he poked his head through the door, he had come into account of something. That glimpse of his two friends he just saw had hit him hard. He already knew, theoretically, that Danny was hurt, weak and that he had a very long road to heal physically and also mentally. He knew that, but, seeing him so needed and vulnerable, depending completely on others to do something so basic as eating, broke his heart and made him realize that the near future won´t be easy, not only for Danny but also for the entire ohana. Its heart and soul had been shattered.

Placing both hands on the table and diverting his sight to the window as an attempt to give his eyes something to focus on instead of producing tears, he busied himself watching the white clouds travelling and contrasting enormously against the deep blue sky. Although the beautiful scenery, he couldn´t avoid his thoughts from going back to Danny and his heart was victim of another anguished spasm. The same beautiful sky was taken away and forbidden to his friend during his hard captivity. For three months, every time they frenetically worked together, Danny was alone; every time they took the time to share a meal, Danny was chained and given very little food waste and water; every time they went home, bathed and achieved to get some sleep, Danny was dirty and pissing on himself, alone and scared; every time they tried to ease their mind walking, running, driving or swimming, Danny was a captive with nothing to do but fight with his own mind and feelings. The color of the sky, so much like those eyes that, dejected and at the same time hopeless, had rested on his encouraging smile the day they had found him. Those eyes, always shining with mischief, were now dulled and translucent pain. Those expressive hands, chatterboxes as much as his mouth, were now useless and lodging pain, quiet and silent, muted and tired. Lou covered his face again. Closing his eyes, he let the tears remain hidden by his massive hands. The fresh memory of those feverish and restless first days since rescued, the agitation and fear of which Danny still a prisoner was, will never go away from his mind. He would never forget the nauseating smell from the first time they attended their friend when found; nor Danny´s desperation to be given water; nor his implied and blind trust; nor his fear and terror of being left behind. He will never forget also the strong smell of vomit mixed with medicines, antibiotic and sickness from the first night he had to watch over him; nor the feeling of the trembling thin body on his arms while shushing him as if he were a scared child; nor the tears he had to dry off from an over exhausted face once tiredness won him over. And Steve, man, Steve. The past three months, the man was a shell of himself. Almost constantly rimed eyed, he was taking just the necessary food to go by, just the necessary sleep, sometimes less. A solid and confident rock at first, as time went by without being able to find his brother, the commander strength and professional facet quivered a lot and, therefore, desperation was given space and gripped his heart unmercifully and started to play with his emotions and mind. Thank God they had found Danny when they did. As time went by, they had to start paying a lot of attention to Steve. The ever positive navy-seal was gradually losing his focus and the inability to control the situation and locate his partner started shattering his soul. Lou not only had felt Danny´s tears wet his Hawaiian shirt; previously, during the terrible and emotionally exhausting last month, during the breaks they took from working time trial, he had had to hug Steve, feel and hear the heart-broken and anguished sobs be muffed by his shirts, day after day. He would later apologize to him and try to act confidently, but they all had knew that if Danny´s absence prolonged without knowing his whereabouts, Steve would enter on a downward spiral. They hadn´t dreaded to think something worse. _"How could I have let my partner down? How couldn´t I´ve protected him? He´s my partner I should be with him, I should be watching his back.. What if he´s hurt? What if…"_ Infinitive number of questions without answers, of hypothesis of probable scenarios his friend might have been enduring. Everything as a result of a hurting soul which couldn't bare the weight of the loss and the guilt any longer.

But that was over now. They had found Danny. He was here and Steve was helping him eat. A little improvement, at least.

A sudden hand squeezing his shoulder startled Lou, who in a sneaky way tried to dry his tears rubbing his hands on his face. The commander had approached him silently, as if he were on secret op mode. Giving Steve a smile, they looked at each other's eyes as Steve seated himself on the chair across the table. Steve just knew what Lou had been thinking. The heavy weight and tension of the past months fell down on each of them and everything they went through during the ordeal was present like a silent movie projected constantly at full speed in the back of their mind, always there to appear whenever there was a calm moment during the day or night. What they had gone through, and still are, won´t be ever a vanishing memory. It will stay recorded with fire on their brains forever. They will share those moments for life.

Steve knew that, even if Danny recovered, the sorrow and pain will forever remain at the bottom of their hearts and will be reminded to them from time to time, if not every day. After sharing and holding a long, silent and emotion-filled look, Steve gave his friend a sad but at the same time relieved smile. There will be no more crying in Lou´s shoulder; nor ragged sobs shaking their embrace; nor questions without answers; nor dark heart breaking hypothesis. Yet, the road ahead was still long and hard.

"Thank you". Steve must have already thank him and apologized to him at least a thousand times already. Lou gave Steve back the same kind of smile, and moved the food bander and the juice box that were on the table towards his friend, gesturing him to eat.

"He´s here now. He´s on the mend. Eat and you do the same." The big guy was a strong presence, an anchor to remain centered. Steve smiled again and silently started uncovering the food. He ate it all in silence, both of them sharing a peaceful moment of quietness. Taking with effort the last bite of his meal, Steve broke the silence in a low and seemingly guilty voice.

"I made him eat two pots of yoghurt. I forced him to. He didn´t want to."

"You heard the doctors. It´s for his benefit, Steve."

"I know it is, it´s just…he could barely stay awake. I had to push him…" Steve trailed off

"He´s weak and is very sleepy because of the medications. Next time, if you don´t feel right with it, let the nurses do that, ok?"

"No, it´s not that... it´s just that he did it for me, because I asked him to. You should have seen him, at times he was like himself again. He kept fighting me, like we do…" Steve smile grew wider and it was a happy one. Lou shared it, silently waiting for Steve to continue, to open up more and unload some charge and pressure from his heart and mind.

"I was nervous about feeding him. I´m sure he didn´t like it, but he did his best to make the moment bearable. He was tired and miserable but he still was joking…" Steve´s sight, fixed on an imprecise point of the table, showed his proudness for his partner, but at the same time the ever present sorrow. Shaking it off with a deep breath and another smile to Lou, Steve let the happiness of having regained his partner take the primary place. "But you´re right, he´s on the mend now and we´re here for him, he´s fighting and we´ll fight along with him."

"You bet we are". Lou let the feeling of relief set in for a moment before asking the inevitable. "You spoke with the doctors?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow morning they will exam and prep him and at midday they´ll start with the surgeries. They´re not sure if they will finish up with that tomorrow or he´ll require additional surgeries another time, it depends on how they are healing. But they´ll be evaluating it every day, checking up to make sure there are not infections. The most probable is that they´ll not close up all the injuries tomorrow, they said. The most compromised ones will remain open to allow further cleaning, so..."

"Ok. That´s good."

"You? Any news?" Steve couldn´t hide his amusing grin at the task Lou was conducting.

"I can finally announce that New Jersey´s winter storms have finally and officially dissipated and Newark airport will reassume its normal activity tomorrow. I can tell you, man, I´m happy. That woman is driving me crazy by phone." They shared a laugh, but they were only joking innocently, without any actual complaint. They perfectly understood the calvary those parents must be going through. "They should be here the day after tomorrow. I´ll take care of everything, don´t worry."

"Alright". Suppressing a yawn, Steve tried to hide it but didn´t succeed.

"Alright, get out of here. Go home and do your stuff. I´ll stay with him so you just free your mind of everything for a few hours, ok?" Getting up, Lou motioned Steve to do the same. Sharing a quick hug, they parted ways.

"Anything happens call me."

"Seriously? Get out of here before something happens to you!"

The sun was still high and hiding behind beautiful white cotton clouds and staining the sky of beautiful light as Lou carefully reentered Danny´s ICU room, making sure he didn´t make any noise in case Danny was asleep. He was, but a distressed frown was present on his innocent face. Tenderly placing the back of his hand to his friend´s forehead, he cursed inwardly, because a slight temperature was again emanating from the pale skin.


	17. What s wrong, buddy?

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I appreciate your reviews a lot, so I thank you for taking the time to express youself!

Chapter 17: What´s wrong, buddy?

Lou ran his hand lightly from Danny´s forehead to both sides of the crook of his neck. _"Crap."_ Definitely the first clues of a fever. Lou gently uncovered the sheet from Danny´s torso and folded it as quietly as possible at his friend´s waist, attempting to free some of the heat emanating from him. The gown, already showing signs of sweat, was fastened against the wet skin and leaving in evidence the thin and bony structure of his friend´s gaunt body.

After pulsing the button to call the nurse, Lou went to retrieve a basin, filled it with water and picked up a few small towels from a corner shelf. He was very used to this kind of procedure. Steve and he, having been given special permission from the hospital due to Danny´s special situation, had been taking shifts to, along with the professional medical staff, care for and accompany the feverish and restless men for almost a week until the vicious high temperature finally receded. The weak body had had a very difficult time dealing with it. Now, they couldn't afford another round against it. They should stop the fever before it reached higher levels, so as soon as Lou noticed the first vestiges of temperature, he didn´t waste any time to apply coldness to the skin.

Draining the wet towels well, he went back to Danny´s side. He found him slightly awake and agitated. It was obvious that Danny woke disoriented. Very probably he must have been dreaming about being on that awful humid place, imprisoned again, without any friendly face to help him. In addition, those nightmares always were plagued by cruel smiles denying him any kind of assistance; denying him water, and food; totally careless of his needs. Many had been the times since they had rescued Danny in which he woke just like this, or worse, disoriented and scared. Sometimes terrified, needing the life depending presence of his friends to help him relax and feel safe, until the nightmare finally was distinguished and separated from reality. The fact was, actually, that Danny took his time falling into the account that he was not back in that horrid place, for real, but instead he was being taking care of and in company of his loved ones, people who really cared about him and people who worked really hard to make his current state of life a little less miserable.

"Hey, Danny." Catching his friend´s troubled attention, Lou smiled sympathetically and showed him the wet towel by waving it in the air in front of Danny´s clouded eyes.

"Lou?" At the lack of understanding from the detective´s part and the misery reflected through his eyes, Lou hastened to explain, to avoid any unwanted and aggravated agitation from the ill man. Grabbing the tentatively arm flailing clumsily towards him in an attempt to make a grounding physical contact, the ex-SWAT tenderly stroked it while putting it back in place, on the bed.

"Yeah I´m here. Relax, ok? You have a slight fever, again. We have to keep it down. I just called the nurse. The doctor will be here soon, too." Reaching forward he untied the knots of Danny´s hospital gown. Pulling it down to rest along with the previously folded sheet, he cursed as a violent shiver travelled through his friend´s body, shaking him viciously and aggravating his discomfort.

"No…" The weak plea was heartbreaking. Swallowing a hard lump, Lou fought his own feelings to stay at bay.

"Shhh… we have to do this. You know the drill. We can´t risk a high fever, ok?".

"…m cold…"

"I know, I know you are. But listen, remember what I just told you?" Trying to keep Danny´s mind occupied, Lou grabbed the humid and fresh towel and began washing and soothing the hot and sweaty skin. Starting with the sunken eyes, as he had been taught, he refreshed the feverish face, dabbing it ant taking the sweat away. "Mm? Remember?".

"What you told me?..." Grover´s tactic was successful. Danny, although still uncomfortable with the shivers and coldness he felt, allowed Lou to treat him as he tried to remember with his confused brain what he had been told. Something apparently important. Lou run the towel down Danny´s neck, washing away the sweat concentrated there. Going downwards, he dabbed his chest and belly before rewetting it and placing it to rest on his friend´s pectoral area. Going for the other towel and rewetting it as well, he explained as he folded and rested it on Danny´s forehead, pressing it to stay in place.

"Yeah, that I just called the nurse and we´ll get the doctor to sort this out. You´ll get better again." Not at all the interesting thing Danny was waiting to hear. Getting nervous and unable to use his hands, Danny tried to push away Lou´s attempts to refresh him by lifting a clumsy elbow to innocently try to block any entrance to his vulnerable body. He couldn´t help feeling betrayed by his friend attracting medical attention to him and not respecting his desires to be calm and not touched and moved the less as possible. The fact was he never manifested verbally this wish, in part because deep down he knew his friends, nurses and doctors meant well, and also because he also knew he needed it a lot. So, although still feeling nervous and agitated, his resistance and fighting attitude left him completely, allowing Lou to place his arm in the mattress, for the second time. Lying flat and unmoving, Danny´s chest started to rise and fall accompanying his elevated heart rate. He couldn´t control anything, so that made Danny completely scared and, again, miserable.

"What´s wrong, buddy?" Catching Danny´s tearing eyes, he read him through his vulnerability as an open book. Grabbing his forearm and placing his other hand on the top of Danny´s head, Lou bent down and spoke so clearly and with such fondness, directly maintaining eye contact so his friend really felt he was not alone and neglected anymore.

"I know you´re nervous and scared, but we can´t allow the fever to rise any more, you´re still too weak. Listen to me, the Doc told us you have many possible sources of infection, from the wounds you have that have been exposed to dirt and germs, and still aren´t healed. Tomorrow, they will surely take care of that, because they will take you to the OR and check it all out, alright?" Keeping both supporting hands in position, Lou didn´t know if he did well telling Danny, a bit disguising, the truth about the new surgeries and all that annoying and tiring process he´ll have to endure, again. But he thought the truth was Danny´s best friend, because he always have considered that not knowing was the fiercest enemy when having to remain calm. Danny was a bit confused but wasn´t stupid at all. His detective side of him intact, caught the meaning of his friend´s words at soon as they left Lou´s mouth. Lou saw the exact moment when realization hit Danny and the anxiety was replaced by something like surrender, like he have been doing a lot lately. He had to give in to others and let them be the ones to try to reduce his misery. Totally done and fed up with the compassion he was receiving, Danny closed his eyes and allowed the shivers to take control of his body while Lou straightened and resumed his previous task of refreshing the fevered skin. Danny was used to it now. When he couldn´t control something, and that was happening quite often lately, he would completely rely everything on his friends.

The nurse entered the room and gave Lou a nod after hearing his concerns. She hurried to take Danny´s vitals and temperature and paged Doctor Kalama to consult.

"Doctor will be here in a few minutes sweetie. Let´s take this down so he can check you out ok?" Without waiting for approval, she peeled the sheets completely back, allowing the elevated body temperature to scape but giving Danny an unpleasant coldness that made his skin get notorious goosebumps. "I´m sorry but we have to keep the temperature at bay. It´s going up and that´s not good. Try to relax."

The request of the nurse went completely lost before reaching Danny´s ears. He was focused on another matter that was making him try to get up.

"Danny what are you doing? Stay calm…"

"Lou? I´m going to be sick..." Panic in his eyes, Danny´s attempts to sit up were taken over by the nurse, who embraced him from behind, lifting him up higher and allowing him to reach a more upright position. Placing a hand on his forehead, she helped Danny to keep his head up. "Quickly get the pan."

"Right at it, hold on." Moving quickly, Lou had the pan below Danny´s mouth at a heartbeat, giving him time to take three deep breaths before the first gag uncompassionate rip his throat open and everything he and Steve had worked so hard and managed to feed him made a reappearance and ended up on the pan, along with high amounts of bile and saliva, product of many heaves Danny had to endure although his stomach emptied quickly. The nurse motioned Lou to reach for the cloth and rewet it. Doing so, the big man handed it to her while she massaged Danny´s back on a circular motion while low moans unwillingly left his raw throat and the skinny body finally succumbed to shock and started shaking like a leaf. Grabbing the small towel, she run it on Danny´s neck, shoulders and upper back, hoping to bring a bit relief. Totally spent, Danny leaned on her. She used this motion to guide his body back to the mattress.

"Doctor will be here soon now, relax." The last thing Danny felt before dozing off was a firm squeeze on his forearm and a cold cloth being placed on his forehead.


	18. Exposed

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Have a nice time doing it!

Chapter 18: Exposed.

The motion of the bed moving to allow him to lie completely flat brought Danny back from his dozing state. This position didn´t help anything to ease his anxiety, but instead made his feeling of vulnerability grow exponentially. Danny could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears, while his eyes betrayed him by letting the doctor know he was scared.

"There you are champ" Doctor Kalama´s strong voice had to come in Danny´s rescue, again, as many times before. The doctor recognized the dread on his patient´s eyes every time they had to go deep on his treatment. So the experienced physician took advantage of his natural easy going behavior and used it because it seemed to function very well with his traumatized patient. Smiling, he sat casually on Danny´s bed and tapped lightly his tight on a friendly manner.

"So, I´ve been told you´re causing trouble again, uh champ?" Reaching forward, he took the thermometer the nurse was handing to him. Nodding his thanks, Doctor Kalama used his outstretched hand to casually feel the temperature for himself by placing the back of his hand on Danny´s forehead and cheeks. "Ok". The doctor´s voice changed to professional mode. Reading the temperature on the device, he didn´t like what he saw. As an excellent detective that he was, Danny was an expert reading body language. He followed the doctor´s moves as the physician got up from his side and went a few feet away to speak privately with the nurse. His attention was interrupted and vanished as a massive figure silently appeared at his side and removed the cloth placed on his forehead to rewet it and apply it again.

"What are they talking about…?".

"I don´t know, you just relax here and let them do their job." Lou´s low and soothing voice tried to calm his friend down. Danny´s anxiety level was on the roof and it was expelled through his eyes.

"Are they going to do the cures…? Everything Danny said ended in a very low voice barely audible and understandable.

"What?"

"´Cause I don´t want that. It hurts…" The anxiety was reaching a panic level.

"Shhh shh shh shh". Lou didn´t quite get his friend´s current request. He choose not to dig too much and try instead to calm him down.

In fact, Danny has come to endure very well the daily baths and other humiliating procedures a grown man should never have to be put through, but the cures of his wrists, hands and ankle was another matter. They were very painful. Having to make sure that infections didn´t get hold of Danny, the medical staff have been curing and treating, washing and disinfecting them, and each time it was torture. Sometimes they applied some pain reliever, but not in great amount so the pain was never completely gone. Danny hated that moment of the day, and dreaded it, every day. This nurse was particularly delicate on her treatment. Sometimes the doctor did it and it hurt more, like when the male nurse did it. If they had to do it now, he hopped the woman would do it. But, every time, no matter who conducted it, he couldn´t help beg round and salty tears from running down his cheeks, the only personal pain reliever he got, along with some strangled and unintended moans.

"Lou?"

"I´m here buddy"

"Where did she go?" The nurse has just left the room after talking with the doctor. Danny´s only hope was gone.

"Don´t know. Don´t you worry". Lou turned the cloth around so the fresh side of it was now placed on Danny´s hot forehead. He moved lightly as the doctor reached his side, to allow him more room and attempted to leave.

"It´s fine. Stay if you want". The doctor knew how important were and have been Danny´s friends to help him through anxiety and rough moments. "Danny, we have to find the source of your fever, to bring it down, ok champ?" Danny´s breathing subconsciously quickened, betraying his desire to seem calm. The doctor rushed to placate him. "But before we go to check your wounds let me ask you something. I was talking with Nurse Iolana and she gave me some info I´ll like to check with you. Are you having trouble or difficulties when you urinate? Some discomfort?"

"Yeah" As his patient didn´t elaborate more, he continued.

"Ok, what kind of discomfort?" The doctor ran both his experienced hands palpating from Danny´s abdomen towards his sides and the kidney areas beneath, eliciting painful groans when applying a bit of pressure on each place he touched and tested. "Ok, ok". He retrieved his hands and stopped the torturing prodding.

Eyes closed and breathing heavily, Danny seemed to finally remember what he have been asked.

"Burns"

"Mm it burns, what else?" The doctor coaxed as he again ran his hands prodding the hurtful area, thins time on Danny´s lower belly. As he pressed lightly, Danny hissed a painful complaint.

"Sometimes I can´t go..."

"Ok good, very good. Look like we found a source for the fever". Danny had had his daily cures of his wounds this morning, and the nurse has not seen anything out of the ordinary or signs of infection, but, while bathing him, she checked discomfort on that area and a different and lower level of urine output. Asking Danny, he had denied any problem. She now shared that information with the doctor and he resolved the steps that are now taking place. Sometimes it was really common that, while wearing a Foley, bacteria finds it easier to entry and cause infections, such in this case.

"Alright, this is what we´re going to do". The doctor addressed both Danny and Lou, although his look was fixed on his patient. "You have what is called a urinal tract infection, ok? It´s treatable with antibiotics, so I´m going to prescribe some again right away, to beat the infection and, therefore, lower your fever. Also, as you still have the Foley inserted, I´ll want it to be removed, but with the oncoming surgeries and due to your still delicate state, we´ll put an inguinal one. It means that, basically, the Foley won´t reach the bladder through the urethra but instead we´ll insert it puncturing your inguinal area. That way the burning sensation will be gone and meanwhile the infected tract could be treated properly".

Danny wasn´t sure if he was content with what he was hearing, about not having to open and check his wounds again, but this alternative procedure was not at all appealing. But, what choice did he have? What he really knew was that something had to be done because he was really hurting now and it was becoming very uncomfortable. Maybe he should have said something sooner about his initial discomfort, but he wasn´t sure anymore about what was normal and what wasn´t.

Subconsciously, Danny moved his good leg restlessly and nervously. A wave of hot fever ran through his body from his toes to the top of his head and was followed by a brutal shiver. The doctor went to pick up a blanket from the placard near the bathroom. Returning at his patient´s side, he used it to cover Danny from the shoulders to the belly button, leaving his legs and hips uncovered. The detective felt relieved at first as the soft tissue caressed his miserable body, but was then perplex about the cold still taking control of his lower half.

"We are going to do the procedure now, the sooner we fight this the sooner you´ll feel better, ok? Nurse Iolana went to gather the elements for the procedure and the antibiotics and will be back soon". Danny couldn´t hide his nervousness. With searching eyes, he looked for his friend´s support. Lou approached him from his silent spot and lightly placed his big hand on Danny´s covered chest, intending to transfer him strength and support.

"You may stay, if you want". The doctor stated as he moved away to wash his hands and put on his latex gloves while the nurse arrived and started to place the medical elements on the try prepared above the little table, and then joined the doctor on the sink next to him, to also wash her hands.

"You heard that? I can stay. If you want me to stay I will buddy. Just say so".

"Don´t know…" Danny´s indecision was written all over his face.

Lou waited, not wanting to pressure him. After a moment of silence and when the medical professionals were almost ready, Lou tried one more time to find out what his friend wanted him to do. "If you want me to stay I promise I won´t look. I´ll sit here and will be facing you all the time, alright?"

Indecision was still paralyzing Danny. It was easy to tell that his mind was going a thousand mile per hour. The doctor approached the bed rolling the table beside him, making the try and the medical instruments to clatter and make a metallic annoying noise. The nurse went to close the privacy curtain. That movement usually made Danny more agitated. This wasn´t an exception. As the doctor went to uncover him, at the lack of response, Lou took the moment to make a decision himself.

"Ok buddy, I´ll be right outside the door, ok?"

Although the fever, Danny was very aware of everything. The principles of every grown human being were independency and strength, and not needing someone holding his hand while at the doctor´s. But reality was different for Danny at his current state. His feeling of vulnerability was out of his control and his damaged soul demanded not to be left alone. As Lou made his attempt to leave, the movement spiked his dreads considerable, almost deafening him with his rushing blood.

"No…stay…" The barely audible plea made Danny hate himself so much that, ashamed, he closed his eyes and turned away his head on the pillow. Wordlessly, Lou reached for the chair and placed it near Danny´s head, facing him and not looking what the doctor was doing, as he´s promised.

"Alright, I´m going to expose you now champ. We´re going to clean you up first, so you may feel a little bit cold. Now I´ve warned you" The doctor´s voice was kind but fully professional. He explained his next moves to try to reduce his patient´s anxiety. As his gown was pulled up, Danny begged for the time to pass as fast as it could and this to be over as quickly as possible. He flinched when cold antiseptic covered cotton started to delicately clean his raw and delicate skin from this much more delicate area.

Danny kept his head to the side and his eyes tightly closed and wanted to disappear as he felt his buttocks being lifted to allow a towel to be placed below him and his legs being spread open a bit further to allow them easier access to the working space.

"Now you are going to feel a little bit of pulling, as we take off the catheter. Just relax and remain quiet, ok?" Doctor Kalama said as he finished emptying the Foley balloon with the syringe. He waited for the nurse to finish draining the contents of urine from the container bag. After washing her hands, she returned to the bed with a thin sheet and placed it over Danny´s legs and thighs.

"Don´t worry if you have to urinate when the Foley comes out, ok?" As he was said so, a thick towel was placed between his legs. Danny flinched and automatically tensed as cold gloved hands held him and started to delicately pull the catheter out. It was a very uncomfortable and burning sensation, a little bit painful, and when the last of the tubing finally was out, Danny couldn´t control the small warm urine flow, which was retained with the towel by his highly experienced nurse. After being cleaned up again, they placed a small surgical sheet over his pubic area, leaving an opening to work.

"Ok champ, now you´re going to feel a cool swab as I prepare the area with antiseptic and then a little prick. It might be a bit uncomfortable, but bearable".

Working together, doctor and nurse efficiently placed the new inguinal urinal catheter. After hanging the new bag to the bedside, the nurse discarded the surgical sheet, her gloves and other used elements and washed her hands. After applying the usual and known soothing and antibiotic cream over Danny´s parts and inner thighs, she pulled back down his gown and, taking off the blanket from his torso, she covered him up with the sheet and light bedcover. She delicately smoothed the bedding and elevated the head of the bed.

"Are you feeling comfortable?" She asked, while discretely wiping his tear covered cheeks with the soft tissues. As the evidence of the humiliation he felt was erased from his face, Danny took courage to move his head. Doing so, he found the straw inches away from his mouth, inviting him to drink precious cool and crystal clean water. He allowed it to reach his lips and took various sips, almost emptying the glass, never realizing before he was so thirsty.

"You need anything else sweetie?" Danny shook his head. "Ok then, take some rest". She smiled and, gathering the discarded elements used on the procedure, she joined the doctor by the sinks, received her instructions for the next steps and left the room.

Doctor Kalama finished drying his hands and approached the bed. Lou, who has remained silent and seated the whole time, got up and stood at the other side of the bed. The doctor took the opportunity to take Danny´s temperature and listen to his heart rate. Both were a little high.

"Everything went well champ, you may relax now and rest". Danny wasn´t paying too much attention, but when he heard the word ´rest´ his eyes closed and he blocked everything and everyone out. Lifting his sight towards Lou, the physician added. "I estimate that his fever will break soon and tomorrow we´ll be able to conduct the programed surgeries".

Lou nodded his understanding. "That's great".

"Ok then, I´ll let him rest now. Anything you need call me".

"Thank you doc" Lou greeted the physician as the coated man walked past him towards the door.

Lou completely understood that his coworker was not in the mood of talking or even making eye contact. Danny´s eyes were closed and he was almost completely still, if not for the barely perceptive movement of his good leg, in an apparent intent to try to ease the discomfort the new placed tubing was causing him. Apart from that, it was obvious that he desired to be invisible and to be not bothered, so Lou chose to respect that wish. The ex-swat seated again on the chair after retrieving it a bit further away from where it was placed near the bed. He waited until Danny seemed truly asleep before he began taking care of his next task: notify Steve of what has happened. He hated interrupting the commander´s much needed free time, but he knew that if he didn´t, his head will be cut off tomorrow. Taking his cellphone from his pocket, he smirked. He should have known. Three messages from Steve where impatiently waiting for a response. _"Hey, how is he?"_ Ten minutes later, as the impatient man hasn´t got an answer, he asked again. Lou could sense the impatience through the short message, and shook his head amused. _"Lou?"_ Five minutes later, another one. _"Everything ok?"_ Followed by two lost calls. ´Better call him right away to keep him from coming, if he hasn´t yet´, the big man thought. Getting up he made sure Danny was ok and asleep and exited the room while pressing the call button from Steve´s last lost call.


	19. That perfume

Chapter 19: That perfume.

Birds singing happily are always a sign of a beautiful and sunny day. The sound of noisy birds was the first sensation Danny got. Confused of his lethargy, he tried to pay more close attention. The room appeared to be quiet, no sign of annoying doctors or nurses demanding things from him. But, quiet didn't mean inhabited. Danny´s good and trained hearing could distinguish different sounds. The almost imperceptible sound of clothes rubbing when someone adjusted his position on the seat near him; the sound of a sheet of paper being moved; the sound of toilet water running and then a door opening and light steps moving and stepping a short way later; the sound of someone sitting down. Someone was there, in fact more than one person, and his detective skills told him that one of them was his partner. He could tell those footsteps apart anywhere, but, the remaining visitors were just yet to be figured out.

Danny made a terrible effort to open his eyes, but it was not easy and he groggily wondered why. Frustrated, extremely drowsy and foggy, he tried to move, but his body weighed tons and his head was aching tremendously. He just achieved moving it an inch and the pain exploded, making him whimper in distress.

Every sound he had registered stilled for a second. The furthest person he sensed, his partner, got up without much regard, knocking the chair he has been sitting in on the wall. The second presence stopped passing the pages and dropped what seemed to be a newspaper on a flat surface, making considerable noise. The nearest presence shushed their careless movements while approaching his side. Danny tried in vain to open his too heavy eyelids, and let out a sigh at the time the third presence reached and shushed him, tenderly placing a warm hand on his left cheek and a soft kiss on his right temple, followed by a series of more kisses that ended with a more firm, humid and longer one on his forehead. His confusion and overwhelming ended when that particular soft perfume finally reached his nostrils. His whole body relaxed and his tension abandoned him. A strange and spontaneous sense of childish vulnerability came and left, leaving him seeking for his mother presence as a little scared child. Tilting his head towards the familiar floral sense, he asked with a drained and tired tone: "Ma?..." Still unable to open his eyes, he tried to reach her with his arm, but it was impossible to move it. Apart from the drugged sensation of heaviness on his members, his mom was apparently grabbing his arm and, on the other side, someone else was firmly stroking and massaging lightly the other one. A confused frown appeared immediately on his forehead in a silent askance mode, and as soon as it manifested another tender kiss tried to sooth it away.

"Yes honey, I´m here. Pop is here too, we´re here baby". A chocked sob escaped her lips and betrayed her intent to be strong and, apparently, she was unable to continue talking, focusing instead on caressing his temples. Hearing her cry gave Danny the impulse he needed to finally be able to open his disobedient eyes, even to mere slits.

"Hey there, boy" His father´s voice wasn´t much better than his mom´s in terms of hiding emotions. The old man felt silent, but kept a strong and secure line of sight attached with his son´s eyes, smiling and never stopping caressing his arm. Both parents went mute with the overjoy and other millions of emotions of seeing those precious blue eyes again, after three months of pure torture at the possibility of losing them forever.

"w..t h..ppnd?..."

"Shhh, everything´s ok" Although very caring, his mom wasn´t good at all at trying to make him not to worry. Everything was not ok. He felt miserable; wasn't able to move; every part of his body, especially his legs and arms felt extremely numb; he had even problems to move his tongue to talk and his mind was clouded; his head felt like it was ready to explode. But, above all, he felt cold. Extremely cold. Doctors have used general anesthesia to conduct the several procedures and surgeries that Danny needed. The fever broke last night, so, after an exhaustive examination and check up this morning, the surgical team concluded it would be best for their patient to avoid putting him through stressful moments of long hours of surgery. They concluded he was resistant enough to tolerate a general sedation to put him out. Everything went well and Danny woke up among the regular time it takes someone to come out of the anesthesia. Now he was suffering the primary and common side effects of the hated headache, shivers, and chills.

"..m cold"

"We know honey, we know" His mom smiled to him. "Steve´s looking for a blanket to cover you up, you´ll be warm again in a minute".

Steve picked up two blankets from the stand and, after handing them to Danny´s dad, he reassumed his place at the foot of the bed. Making eye contact with his partner while he was being covered and tucked in by two pairs of caring hands, he could tell Danny was still kind of out of it, still under some strong hold of anesthetic effects. The blond detective just stared at him and blinked slowly and sluggishly. Their shared look was broken when Danny´s dad helped lifting his head and assisted his son in taking a few small sips of water to reduce the evident dryness and soreness of his mouth and throat.

"Ok now?" The commander asked his friend, and smiled when he did not receive an answer but instead he got an intensified intrigued look again fixed on him. Grabbing and squeezing affectionately his friend´s good ankle, Steve excused himself.

"I´ll go get the doctor, will be back soon". Giving Clara´s shoulder a comforting squeeze, he exchanged with her a smile and left the room, intending in fact to leave the parents some moments alone with Danny for the first time before actually calling the doctor.


	20. PT

Chapter 20: PT

"And one last time. Very good". The physical therapist said as he helped Danny lift and lower his trembling leg from the mattress. After a short sequence of exercises on both arms and legs and strong massages on the damaged muscles, Danny was in quite a huge amount of pain and totally spent, barely able to lift the leg and only being capable of it when helped by the therapist who assisted his miserable attempts of completing the exercises.

Three full days had passed since the surgeries. The fever didn´t made another uninvited appearance, a sign that the infection was under control and obediently receding. Those days were efficiently used to allow Danny to gain some strength, by nourishing him through the NG tube and also reassume taking food by mouth. The first and second day they were processed ones; jelly; puddings and yoghurt. The third day he was given solid food for the first time in months. Luckily, it was successfully tolerated. Therefore, the doctors started thinking it was time to program the start of the PT, and today was the day.

"Ok, now we´re going to try sitting up on the side of the bed for a few minutes. How do you feel about it, Danny? It´s very important and crucial to help you continue with your improvement. You want to try it?"

"Yes...ok…"

"Good" The therapist didn´t waste any time in order to take advantage of the achievement of Danny finally accepting changing his lying position and motioned Steve, who was leaning on the wall, to come closer. "I would like you to assist me". Steve propelled himself away from the wall with his back and quickly made his way towards the bed.

" _Finally"_ He thought. At two previous requests from the doctors and nurses, Danny had denied all intent on sitting up, alleging a strong dizziness, headache and nausea. But, truth to be told, above that all, Steve knew that Danny was scared and unconfident on his body.

After slowly elevating the head of the bed at maximum level, the PT specialist gave Danny a few minutes to adjust while he explained to Steve how to proceed.

Danny closed his eyes. Partially, he wanted to hear what was being said next to him and, on the other hand, he desperately wanted quietness to stop the currently dizziness that threatened to engulf him. He felt extremely tense and even with the eyes closed, he could sense the outside world was starting to spin and roll up and down. Swallowing several times to subconsciously keep the warm bile at bay, he breathed deeply and let it out through his mouth.

The past few days after the surgeries have been dedicated to also ensure that his body was cleared of all infections and to prepare him for his next steps of his recuperation: mobility and strength. Two times he had vehemently refused to sit up and be moved more than he was accustomed to. The first time the doctor tried to move him to change his position he had, inexplicable even to him, freaked out and hyperventilated. Danny will never forget that feeling. He thought he was dying. His terrified panting made each labored breath he took to end with a stressful whimper. The doctor, at that moment, hadn´t had another option than to placate and promise him that he wouldn't be obliged to sit during that day, postponing the task for the next day. That had cost him a visit and an exhaustive talk with the physiatrist, Dr. Hale, and then his mother sitting by him all day long.

Although the support, the next day´s attempt was almost as problematic as his previous panic attack. That´s what Dr. Hale said that it has been. That approach had been conducted by his caring nurse, helped by Steve´s ever strong and supportive presence, but, although better than the day before, between both of them couldn´t made Danny mentally and emotionally strong enough to achieve the much expected required sitting position. At first Steve had almost convinced him after a considerable time of talking hand to hand. But, when the nurse reached and started to move his legs towards the bedside, Danny tensed as an unexpected and unfounded fear made his heart compress and beat erratically while he put up a considerable resistance against the nurse. His partner had again tried to calm him down and only achieved it when he promised Danny they will try again tomorrow.

The detective was completely aware and conscious of the baseless of his fear, but he just couldn't help it yet. The talks with Dr. Hale and Steve were very helpful and he agreed with them on the necessity of movement and in gaining strength, but when the time of changing position came, the almost four months bedridden body was stronger than his mind and overpowered it with its own will to stay still.

For today, the tactic has been changed. The doctors accorded to approach the task differently, and start with the physiotherapy right away, so, after the usual movements of the therapeutic exercises, they would easily coax Danny to gain confidence on his body and sit up at least for a few minutes.

Now, they have been doing relaxing exercises on both legs for at least twenty minutes. The physiotherapist has had to reprogram the amount of exercises he had intended to work on due to Danny´s still weak condition, and so, after a short while, he decided that it was time to sit him up before exhaustion gained his patient over.

After calling Steve for assistance and explaining each of ones tasks, they directed their attention again towards Danny, who had the eyes tightly closed and was breathing deeply, definitely not a very good start. Danny flinched when the big physician again started to massage his legs as a tactic to reconnect him with what had to be done. As Danny felt those hands starting to go under his knees to pick them up and move his legs and another pair of hands started to elevate his back away from the bed with the intention of turning him over along with his legs, his breathing subconsciously started to race and he couldn't help the wave of fear that hit his core.

"Wait, wait…"

"Danny, come on, we´re going to do it easy". Steve´s calm and placating voices near his ear tried to ease his anxious partner, who seemed to be changing his mind about sitting up and was apparently about to chicken out again. "We´re here at each side of you, you won´t fall, I promise".

"No. I´m gonna pass out, I don´t want to pass out Steve…" Definitely, Danny was scared.

"No, you won´t pass out, you´re just sitting up here, nothing more, ok? I´m here to support your back and your head and the doc here will make sure you´re fine, don´t worry".

Danny knew that this time there will be no chance for him. There were not weak places on the statement his partner just gave him, it was more like a sure thing that they will do it and he had to cope with it.

"…don´t know…please". Begging was his last resource. Eyes still closed, his heart didn´t take in the shushing sounds and words and hammered strongly when a hand slipped in the back of his neck to support his head and, before he could think any more of it, he was quickly and efficiently moved and seated up. This time, he couldn´t choose, there was no listening to his pleas and he was forced to face his fears by doing what he dreaded. Steve´s heart suffered a spasm and broke one more time when, while lifting his friend up, Danny pleaded and begged to be left lying down. Steve hesitated and was about to guide him back down but the physician motioned him to continue, ignoring the ailing man requests. Once the therapist finished securing Danny´s feet on the floor and checked that the lowered special clinical bed was secure, he focused on helping Danny in maintaining an adequate position, grabbing his free arm and placing his other hand on his patient´s curved and bonny back.

"Now this is going to be for just a few minutes, so you can start to regain equilibrium and strength, ok?" There was no doubt that Danny was not at all ok, physically but also emotionally. "Can you lift your head, please?" Danny was leaning heavily on the hands that supported him, and his head was hanging forward. With effort, he accomplished what he was asked to do, but with eyes still tightly closed. "It´s ok, you don´t have to open your eyes if you don´t feel like it".

"I´m dizzy" Danny´s low voice stated the evident. Head now tilting to the side, the lack of strength was accompanied and aggravated by the hatred dizziness and headache. A hand came in mercifully and with much experience started massaging his neck and shoulders to alleviate him while they waited for the desired time to pass and be able to lay him back down again. Several times Danny gulped, putting at bay the vomit that was treating to make an unpleasant appearance.

"Take it easy". Steve´s hand squeezed his bicep. "Breath in and out slowly". As minutes passed and Danny seemed to be more confident and comfortable with the position, the physician took the opportunity to take and record Danny´s vitals, as well as working the exercises with his patient´s arms. Danny grimaced every time they were stretched more than he had moved them for months, and so the medic had to reduce the exigency of his programed worksheet again.

"I want to lie down".

"Five more minutes and it´s done. Five more minutes and we´ll get you back down".

Frustrated, Danny sighed loudly. Dearing to open his eyes, even to mere slits, he had a reward, at least, confirming that the dizziness has abandoned him. Those five minutes went by slowly. Encouraged by the lack of vertigos, Danny opened his eyes completely. Doing so, and seeing himself, he realized that he was not at all straight but instead he was leaning heavily on his partner´s side, while the doctor took advantage of those final moments to finish working his massages on Danny´s hurtful backside. Self-consciously, Danny tried to retrieve some of his weight away from his friend, but his efforts were short lived when he couldn´t find much strength left on him to sit all by himself. Steve must have noticed it because he adjusted his grip and helped him straighten up a little.

Finally, the moment of mercy came and he was laid down on his side, as he requested; the head of the bed was lowered; he was covered up with the bed sheets and the PT instructor finally left, promising on returning tomorrow to continue the PT.

Danny couldn´t care less. The dude was gone and now he could rest his super tired body. Slightly content with his non-quivering sight and almost inexistent nausea, he could dedicate entirely on resting, but first he had to deal with a final matter. Steve´s silent and guilty presence was disturbing, and he couldn´t go to sleep even if they knocked him out.

"Come on, what´s wrong, you goof?"

Steve lifted his sight to look at Danny´s closing eyes.

"I´m sorry, buddy"

"You´re sorry for what? Come on…"

"For forcing you to move when you didn´t want to"

"Well… at least you didn´t let me fall" Danny smiled. All was fine now. The gilt evaporated and the pain in his heart eased until it was completely gone when those white teeth showed themselves on a sincere and much missed smile. Steve smiled too, and their two soothed souls parted ways as Danny fall asleep.


	21. Cramps

Chapter 21: Cramps

An excruciating and unmercifully angry shooting pain didn´t want to loosen its grip on Danny´s legs, especially on both calves. It was agonizing and Danny couldn´t remember a pain as cruel as this. Maybe it hurt near as much as his gunshot wound to the chest, but in that case he was left weak, numb and at the verge of passing out, now, there was no numbness at all. It was pure agony and there was nothing he could do to alleviate it until the overworked muscles were released from theirs strong spasms. Not even Steve´s strong hands massaging his calves could bring him any relief.

It was a very dark night. No moon and no clouds, just a plain black sky splashed with tiny blinking stars. Blinds completely open, midnight found Steve comfortably propped up on the accompanying's bed in Danny´s room. He liked to spend the night there and check out on his partner, to make sure he was ok. This way, Steve´s mind was starting to heal and his soul found peace on those quiet moments of silence in the night, while Danny slept and he, before succumbing to sleep too, took the opportunity that those moments of quietness gave him to reflect. Sometimes, like tonight, he occupied himself on working some cases. The arrival of Danny´s parents had allowed him some more time to himself since they were more people to be with Danny, and he chose to occupy himself with work. But his priority was his fiend, and because of that, the moonless night found him lying half propped up on the bed by the windows, alternating his attention on looking out to the dark and clam sky; to the data of the newest case sitting on his lap and to the still form of his sleeping partner a few feet away on the bed.

After the PT session that afternoon, Steve had gone a few hours to work and, in the need of checking on Danny again, he has returned directly to the hospital, bringing with him some files from a new case the team has been working on the last week. So, now, near midnight, with the low light of a lamp strategically placed so not to disturb his partner, Steve tried to break a clue. It was not an easy case, they have found many dead ends and the criminals were still on the loose and in immediate need to be found and apprehended. Lifting his sight for the hundred time towards his partner, a painful lump formed on his throat. _"Oh, Danny, you´re so good at this, I need your help, buddy"._ Rubbing his eyes and face with both hands, Steve choose that moment to call it a day.

Lately, emotions were taking a lot out of him and he was conscious he had to control it to continue being strong for his friends. Gathering all the spattered papers and his cell while getting up, he placed them on the chair at his side, using it as an improvised table, and went to the bathroom. He was already so used with this place, and, at least, it provided everything to attend his primary needs. So, tonight, for example, he didn´t feel the need to return home. Instead, he took a shower here. Expending more time in it than he had anticipated, he allowed himself that luxury and, cleaning the steamed mirror with a towel, Steve watched himself while he washed sis teeth. Definitely not red-rimmed eyes anymore, it was, although, very evident that he was tired and still couldn't manage to go back to a healthy physical state. Danny was not the only one who has lost weight. Tidying up the bathroom from water, towels, and clothes, Steve was grateful for the cool air that hit him as soon as he opened the door and stepped outside.

Concentrate and absently putting the used clothes on his hand-bag, and with his mind immersed involuntary again on some facts of the case, Steve´s head suddenly and instinctively looked up when his brain registered a sound at the background of his thoughts: a stressful whimper.

Tossing the bag aside, he took four long steps and reached Danny´s side in a heartbeat. Abruptly, he controlled his impetus when he realized his friend was still asleep. A troubled frown wrinkled Danny´s sleeping features and, behind his closed eyelids, his eyes were moving kind of quickly and restlessly. It was obvious to Steve that his partner was having a dream, and possible a nightmare, judging by this hints. Debating internally whether to wake him or not, the commander choose to wait a few minutes and not disturb his friend yet. Meanwhile, he occupied himself with arranging the scattered bedding, which Danny obviously has shoved away during some stage of his dream.

After carefully smoothing the sheets and light bedcover around Danny, he reached forward and delicately touched his partner's forehead to check that he had no fever. Relieved at not finding any, he witnessed how the frown slowly disappeared and Danny´s breathing calmed along with the eye-movement. Waiting a few more minutes to make sure his friend rested peacefully again, Steve went back to his bed and lied down. He doubted he would go to sleep right away, and indeed he didn´t, but he was ok with it because he could be alert in case Danny needed help. Sighing, he adjusted his head on the soft pillow and, fixing his wide open eyes on the sky, he watched its dark immensity and tried to find the stars he knew.

The same sky, surprisingly, was present on Danny´s dream, and the same stars Steve was currently seeking were reflected on his retinas. As it couldn´t be otherwise on his dreams, he was chained and he couldn't move. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Danny knew that he was captured inside another ugly dream, and he hoped with all his heart to be able to wake up, but the images and sensations of the illusions were stronger than his desire. So, he was a victim again; he was, again, a prisoner of that humid and putrid place that didn´t allow him to scape. Even in his dreams, it threatened to follow him and make sure Danny couldn't forget any detail from it, which were so vivid and present that it made it scarier. That only fact, per se, terrified him to the core because, on that moments, sometimes he couldn´t tell if it was real or not and sometimes when he woke up, he had forgotten that he has been rescued and it took him a few dramatic minutes to calm down and relocate himself. Those minutes were not only terrifying for Danny who thought he still was chained like a dog left to die, but also for whoever was accompanying him. The majority of the times he had woken like this, his partner has been the "beneficiary" of that noon too pleasant experience, and every time he had had to improvise and find a way to calm Danny down and break the strong spell of each cruel nightmare.

The first time it happened has been more difficult to bring Danny to reality, but as the episode repeated itself, the mere presence of his supportive friend at his side was nearly instantly enough to locate him in place and time. This was, among other things, why Steve wanted to be there on the nights, to help his friend on those dark and terrible moments. Apparently, this night doesn't look like it will be an exception.

Trapped in his dream, Danny didn't have any saying about any of it. This dark night, it was very obscure on his nightmare too, and the shiny stars seemed to laugh up on him. The rotten roof was surprisingly completely gone and an unusual cold breeze made his chained and semi naked body very miserable. He longed for some comfort, for some mercy. There were faceless people passing by his bed, they seemed to have bags over their heads. He didn't know any of them and no one stopped to help him or even look at him. Furthest away, he saw, among the legs of the people passing by, his parents and his precious kids. Apparently, they were looking for him but, among all the movement of people, they couldn't see him lying down as he was, bounded to the metal bed. He wanted to call them, to shout their names, but he was mute, no sound came out, not even when he tried the hardest. Ten, hands unexpectedly came up from under and behind him and pressed his open mouth shut and grabbed with considerable force each one of his limbs. Desperately, Danny tried to escape and get up, but he was forcefully pinned down. Despairing, he tried with all his strength to shout and kick out his oppressors, but the faceless people turned and headed back to him, blocking him away from his loved ones and growing up on stature. Completely freaked out, his tortured dreaming-self broke his chains and, to his surprise, he was able to get up and start to run. The door was so close, so at the reach of his hand. But as his hand went for it, a horrible figure emerged from the floor and gripped his legs so forcefully that he could hear the bones cracking. At that moment, he could finally scream out.

Just as Steve´s eyelids were starting to heavily drop against his will, the sound of sheet moving and strangled whimpers put him on alert one more time. Determined to wake Danny up and free him from his cage of dreams, he tossed his blanket aside and rushed to the bed. Midway towards his partner´s bed he was startled when a terrific scream broke the silence of the night. Accelerating his pace if It was possible, he was there in time to catch his friend before he managed to move down the mattress to the floor as a result of his violent defensive trashing. Still disoriented and prey of his nightmare, Danny fought him with all his may, which was still very low, making it very easy for Steve to placate his struggles and dominate him, obliging him to stay still and avoid him to hurt himself more.

"Danny, Danny, Danny… calm down buddy". Although controlling his body, Steve couldn't control the raged panting and the scared grunts muffed against his shirt. Steve sensed and knew that Danny was completely awake, so he didn´t quite understand why it took him so long to relax.

"Come on pal, it´s over".

"H… hurts…"

"What?" Steve could barely make out the word.

"Cramps… oh God…" Every pain he experienced was unique and everyone seemed to be the worst it could be. Danny could feel the nerves of each leg spasming and contracting from the back of his thighs, all the way down his calves and on his soles, making his toes to rigidly and painfully go up. It was an intolerable pain, considering it had no mercy regarding his recent operated and repaired ankle. Big tears were revealed when Steve carefully lied his partner down.

"Where?" The simple question was loaded with grief, because Danny didn't deserve any of this.

"Both legs… calves, please make it stop…"

Pressing the call button before going to Danny´s legs, he moved the beddings aside with a quick pull and started to strongly massage his friend´s calves, while looking back to the door every two seconds, anxious for the help to arrive.

As the nurse arrived, he already knew the diagnosis and went directly to the medicine cupboard. Nonetheless, he asked to corroborate. "Commander?"

"Cramps. Strong ones, both legs". The seal-op mode answer gave all the information needed. Finishing loading the syringe with a muscle-relaxant drug, the nurse approached the bed and, lifting the gown to expose Danny´s buttock before cleaning the area with an antiseptic covered cotton, he released the much needed amber colored liquid into his patient´s system. Discarding the syringe, he joined Steve on massaging the affected limbs, focusing especially on the operated ankle, pressing the sole of his foot to allow the nerves to loosen up and stop causing the excruciating pain.

As the drug caused effect and the massages helped Danny with the pain, he was left quivering like a leaf as a result of the coldness of the medicine running through his veins; the exertion he has been forced to do to fight the evil cramps and the memory of the cruel nightmare. He didn´t want water, but the nurse, before leaving, obliged him to drink two whole glasses. Apparently, he needed to stay hydrated.

Sighing content when the sheets and soft blanket were accommodated below his chin and he was completely tucked in again, he was grateful that the stiffness of his legs and all the pain and the cold were gone.

Eyes closed but sensing his partner standing up at his side, he said with a small voice. "I´m sorry".

"Hey, what did we say about that?" After a moment of consensual silence, Steve ventured. "You want to talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow…" Doubt in his voice, Danny settled himself deeper in the bed. "Will you stay with me?"

Again, for the second time, the question took Steve by surprise, but one more time his didn't hesitate to quickly assure his friend. "Of course I will partner, go to sleep".


	22. My kids

Chapter 22: My kids.

Danny was silent. A silent Danny meant he was troubled and his mind was traveling fast. It was not unusual, though, to find him like this after his highly traumatic experience.

"Hey buddy". Steve greeted with a smile as he sat down on the chair at Danny´s side after going to the cafeteria to retrieve some juice. Peeling the straw and inserting it on the small box of peach juice, he extended his arm and offered Danny the sweat drink by approaching him the sorbet to his mouth. Accepting it, Danny sipped several times and, that way, managed to reduce the dryness the night has left on his mouth.

"Thanks".

"No problem. If you want more tell me". Steve placed it on the bedside table, near the water jar.

Leaning heavily back on the chair, Steve fixed his sight on his friend´s face.

Feeling a presence scrutinizing him, Danny lifted his eyes and found his partner´s gaze on him.

"What?"

"What what?" The commander didn´t actually realize what he was doing.

"Seriously?"

Steve smiled and smoothed his face expression. "Sorry buddy". He fall into account that he was burning a hole on Danny´s head with his look. After a prolonged pause, he admitted. "I´m just worried about you". He doubted making this admission, but Danny has always told him to express his sentiments. So now, he tried to apply what he had always been told but at the same time has always been reticent to put into practice. He chose to share this feeling with Danny to also coax his friend to talk. He knew he was going to feel guilty for "manipulating" his partner like this, but it always has turned out to be the fastest way to make him open up when something troubled and silenced him. "You want to talk about last night?"

Danny sighted. "I had two major killer cramps".

Steve lowered his head, trying to hide the grin that involuntary appeared in the corner of his mouth.

"I´m glad you think it´s funny".

"It´s not, it´s absolutely not. But that´s not what I asked, and you know it". He couldn´t help smiling, because although troubled and buried deep down, It was still his friend´s usual self. Growing serious, he asked again. "Mmm? Want to talk about the nightmare? I heard talking helps".

Danny looked at him as if he had grown two heads and just when Steve though he would hear something sarcastic, his partner closed his eyes and buried himself more on the pillows. After a few minutes of silence, in which Steve thought and assumed his friend wasn´t willing to talk and share anything, he was pulled away from his thoughts when his partner suddenly opened up.

"I´m always back on that place". The voice was extremely low, and the knot on his throat was almost palpable. Eyes closed, Danny made a two minute pause again. His inner struggle was evident. Steve desperately wanted to say something, to support his friend with some words, but he knew those words would sound empty and meaningless.

He could never stand on his partner´s shoes and feel the way he did. So he chose not to say anything and respect his partner´s time to gather his thoughts, memories and courage together and share his inside and feelings with him. He did, though, maintain his eyes fixed and expectant on Danny´s face, not scrutinizing him as before but wanting to emanate the so much needed friendship and support.

"I saw… Grace and Charlie… they were there… on that horrid place". Danny swallowed the knot and breathed in with difficulty.

"Easy pal…"

"They were looking for me, but they couldn't see me…" Two long and thick tears rolled down his cheeks from his now open blue eyes. "I miss them so much…"

"Hey" Steve let Danny dry by himself his face with the bandage of his hand. "You know that´s completely solvable buddy. We can bring them here to see you any time". Steve couldn´t help to smile at his friend´s brighten up expression and interested eyes. He looked so innocent and fragile that it actually hurt. Steve tried to lighten up the topic. "I´ll tell you more, I´ll be veeery happy too because all those kids tell me when I see them is when I´ll bring them to see you, so… would you free me from those begging ticks, uh? Please?"

"They want to come?"

"Are you kidding me? Danny! Come on. They´re dying to!"

This time, it was Danny´s turn to not be able to hide his smile. It was a happy and proud beautiful smile, and Steve was somehow relieved to see his old friend´s usual self when he thought about his kids. Nevertheless, he wanted to be sure this was a secure step to take. "You know Dr. Hale said you´re ready to reunite with them any time. I´d love them to come but I want you to be ok with it, to be sure and not pressured by anything or anyone, less by me".

"Yes, I want to…"

"But?" Steve knew something was up.

"Sometimes I dream that I can´t take care of them so they are taken away from me. I don´t know… I feel helpless and they are mad at me, on the dream…" Danny paused and breathed deeply.

"You just said it yourself Danny: _"on the dream"._ It´s your fear playing tricks with you. I assure you a hundred percent that they love you the same as always, if not more, buddy".

"Yeah…"

"You can be sure of it, because it´s the truth. Those kids adore you and thing nothing more than to see you and hug their daddy".

Danny smiled again. There were obviously moments in which his heard and love launched him forward to reach for his kids, but at the same time there were other moments in which his traumatized mind and fears played against him and obliged him to avoid and doubt what he desired and loved most.

Steve was a primal witness of that cruel dualism and knew that his role was helping his friend to deal with it and fight the unreal thoughts that made him doubt the love and support of those who loved him the most.

"Today´s Saturday so, what you say?" He smiled enthusiastically to his friend. "We call your parents to bring them along when they come?"

Danny´s face brightened up as never before after his rescue. Still, his answer remained doubtful. "Ok…"

"It´s ok, you can think about it buddy".

The possibility of losing the opportunity of seeing his kids that day motivated him to overcome his fears and crumpled self-esteem. "No no, I want to, I want to see them, please…"

"Alright then, we´ll make the call".

Steve could sense his partner´s anxiety trespassing him as he reached past him to lever the head of the bed up a little bit more. When, on the far background sounds the principal ICU door opened, he could practically hear Danny´s strong and rapid heartbeats. Placing a hand on his shoulder in support, Steve used the motion to also help Danny in gaining a more upright and stronger position.

" _Charlie, don´t run on the ICU!"_ An instant big smile appeared on the proud dad face as he heard his daughter´s shushed voice and the rapid running snickers of his energetic boy. As her words died without being heard or acknowledged, the second pair of feet also started running to keep up with her brother and soon the two most precious persons in his world entered his room with flushed cheeks and ragged breathing of exertion and anticipation. As soon as they saw their father smiling and trying to reach them, they fled to his side. Charlie jumped up the bed and caught him with all his force by his neck. Grace reached the bed and was instantly engulfed by the embrace. Danny´s arms were forced to surround each one of his kids the best he could. Grace hided her face on his neck and chest, and anyone could tell she was crying. Charlie, on the other hand, was laughing with joy and shaking their embrace. Danny, for his part, was a mix of both, he was crying happy tears, but also he was smiling.

"I love you Danno" "I missed you daddy". Both simultaneously spoken statements filled Danny´s heart with joy, pride and love. His chest expanded to give place to his filled heart and he breathed in deeply. "I love you both so much. I´m so sorry for everything".

He had so much to say, but instead he chose to relish this moment in silence. He abandoned himself on that beautiful hug, on his daughter´s delicate arms and in his son´s tiny ones. Those arms clung to him with no intention to let him go anytime soon. Danny´s painful and strained body was very grateful for Steve to be there supporting his back. But his partner arranged the pillows behind him and finally eased him to lie back on the elevated bed, so he was still sitting up. Silently, with all the intention to leave them some alone and private time, Steve exited the room and joined Danny´s parents sitting on the row of plastic chairs on the waiting area.


	23. Tubes out

Chapter 23: Tubes out.

Danny has been wheeled out of his room to a larger exam room on the same ICU area. Lying down on a cold metal table in the middle of the room, he felt like a lab rat. The table, for his benefit, has been covered with thick towels. Many coated doctors, including his personal Dr. Kalama and the team of surgeons that performed his surgeries, surrounded him while examining thoroughly the evolution of his physical state. His wounds had been cleaned up and examined by the surgeons and the dressings had been finally taken out and not replaced. Every wound, including the surgical ones, didn´t show signs of infections anymore and they were practically all healed. The staff of professionals gave him the go-ahead with a more intense daily therapy to help with the recuperation of the broken and sore limbs.

After the team of surgeons left, the room was less crowded and Danny´s body allowed some tension to abandon him. Dr. Kalama and the nurse were the ones remaining and while one of them brought the bright light near and focused it, the other lifted up his gown and covered his inguinal area with a surgical sheet.

"Now we´re going to take out the inguinal catheter, it´s an easy procedure, you should only feel a prick so, just relax". It was, indeed, quick and Danny almost didn´t feel a thing, just a slight prick as the doctor has prevented and then a cold swab cleaning the area. "Now every time you need to urinate you´ll have to ask for assistance, remember that".

"Ok".

"Alright" The doctor patted his shoulder. "Now I want you to sit up on that armchair over there and then we´ll take the tube on your nose out, and you´ll finally be free of tubing" He smiled while placing a hand on the back of his patients neck and other on the back of his knee to help him sit up. Danny tensed. "Easy, we´re just going to sit up on the table first". Motioning the nurse to follow, he did the same on Danny´s other side and, slowly so not to make him dizzy, they sited him up on the border to the exam table. Danny instinctively closed his eyes.

"It´s ok, take your time".

"No, I´m good". Whatever strength and motivation he needed, Danny got it from seeing his children in the morning. He was happy, he was full, he was loved, he could do anything.

"Ok, let pass you on the chair. Let us do the major work because you can´t use that ankle yet."

Danny tried to help the best he could as he was transferred from the exam table to sit on the comfortable kind of armchair. Unlike his fingers, which were already almost completely healed, the broken ankle was another matter. That, added to his lack of muscular strength, didn't allow him to walk yet, so he was lifted and carefully sited on the chair by his doctor and the male nurse. His bad foot was accommodated on a soft pillow and a blanket appeared on his lap.

"Take your time to relax, ok champ? Then we´ll go ahead and take the NG tube out, since now you´re able to eat correctly". The doctor talked lightly, not making a very big deal of the procedure. It helped Danny to innocently ease himself on the chair. He closed his eyes and heard them while arranging some instruments and things around the room.

Danny opened his eyes and thought the time he has been given was too short when the nurse placed a hand on his back and helped him sit a bit more upright. Dr. Kalama approached him and inserted the stethoscope under his gown, first to hear his lungs and heart from his back and then from his chest. While measuring his pulse by grabbing the now healed wrists and then looking into his eyes with a penlight, the doctor started to explain.

"You already know that when you just arrived we needed to place this tube to assist on feeding you and giving the necessary supplemental nourishment and medicaments. But now you´re capable of continue your improvement without it. So, what you say? We take it out?" As usual, the doctor jovially smiled and tried to ease the moment.

"Yes, please…"

"What, you won´t say it´s uncomfortable, will you?"

Everyone smiled and the physician went to wash his hands. Coming back, he removed the security tape from Danny´s nose and cheek, slowly and with care. Next, picking up a syringe, he inserted it on the port and forced 20ml of air through it.

"Ok champ, now I need you to take a deep breath and hold it".

Danny managed to take his best breath.

"Good, now maintain it". Without warning, Dr. Kalama kink the tube near the naris and gently but forcefully started to pull it out in a swift, steady motion, wrapping it on his gloved hand as it was being pulled out.

Danny never expected this level of pain coming from something that was apparently so simple. He felt like raw sandpaper coming up from his stomach all the way up through his throat.

The doctor was talking and explaining things and trying to walk him through it, but the sound of fear on his ears blocked everything out. In the middle of a cloud of confusion, he felt his tears being dried, his nose being cleaned up and he automatically rinsed his mouth and spit out when asked to do it after being offered water to sip up and a pan appeared on his face. The cloud started to recede and his hearing to come back.

"Easy. Now you´re officially free champ, nothing attached to you". Discarding the used tubes and his gloves, he asked. "Any discomfort? How are you feeling?"

"Good, better now".

"Great, we´ll let you rest for a little bit and then Dr. Phillson, the PT therapist, will come to work with you a few minutes, ok?"

"Alright"

"Great, I´ll be back to check on you tonight when you´re back on your room".

After the doctor left, the nurse took his vitals and made sure he was comfortable, reclined the armchair a little bit back and lowered the lights before also leaving. Danny finally was left alone, with the only assignment to rest. So he did that, completely drained by all the movement he actually fell asleep on the comfortable chair, under the warmth of the blanket and helped by the peace of the empty and darkened room.

Twice has Dr. Phillson came to start his PT session with him, but, as Danny was deeply asleep, he opted for working with other patients first. The third time, he had no choice but to wake him, and so they worked on the exercises half an hour and Danny was taught a series of some easy ones he would have to do by himself to start regaining muscular mass and strength. Finishing up, the PT physician left him alone again, leaving him slightly trembling with exertion.

The day has had a lot of emotions and activities. First the rough night with the nightmare; then the pump of energy and adrenaline from his kids; then these procedures and exercises. As a result, the detective was completely exhausted.

Danny woke up at the smell of food, lying and tucked comfortably on his bed. He must have fallen asleep on the armchair and remained oblivious to the world all the time while someone brought him back to his room and who knows how many hours more.

But he felt good, he felt tired but with mental strength, he felt happy, and he was hungry. The smell of tasty food and the sound of silverware regained his attention, so he opened his eyes and smiled as a tray was being placed on his lap.


	24. Precious visitors

A/N: Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 24: Precious visitors.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. Lou let himself in Danny´s house with his copy of the key. During the lapse of their friend´s ordeal and rehabilitation, every member of the ohana helped in maintaining his house ventilated, clean and in optimal condition for his return. It also helped them feel helpful when there was nothing they could do; while they waited for his friend to be back again; to be finally well again; to be his old self everyone so much loved.

A lightning of blond hair passed at his side, making itself room and pushing him aside. Quickly running inside, Charlie jumped carelessly on the sofa and stilled after he found the remote and turned on the cartoon´s channel.

Grace, on the other hand, accompanied Lou directly to her father´s bedroom.

"I think he keeps his cotton pants over there". The young girl pointed wardrobe with a series of drawers while she eagerly opened the door of the closet and started rummaging in it, looking for some t-shirts.

Lou gave her the thumbs up and threw the handbag on the bed. Heading towards the designated wardrobe, he opened three drawers before finding what he was looking for. Choosing two sweatpants and some underwear and socks, he walked towards the bed and put them in the bag. Grace did the same with the t-shirts she chose; alongside with a soft jogging suit she thought was appropriate.

"Should we take him something else?"

"This is all he needs for now honey, but what else would you like to give him?"

"Don't know, some present, like… almond chocolate!"

"I think that´s a great idea Gracie! We all know chocolate is great and I´ll tell you more, we could get some for ourselves too, what you think?" Lou winked an eye and smiled happily at his friend´s daughter. The kid had been through a lot and, unlike her brother, she was old enough to be completely conscious of his father´s kidnapping and his physical and mental ordeal. The love she has for him is so great that it turned out to be a constant sharp knife nailed on her young heart.

"Yeah!" She smiled enthusiastically, and grabbing the handbag from the bed, she abandoned the room looking for her kid brother.

The day before has been a thought one for her. Of course that seeing her father again after a long period of time was an immense happiness, but at the same time all the memories and aches from the past months came to her all together and obliged her emotions to resurface. It has been impossible to take her home at night. She spent hours attached to Danny; first fiercely hugging him by his neck; then gripping his bicep and resting her head on his shoulder while he caressed her head and played with her hair; thirdly, she sat close to him on the bed and, facing her dad, she take in his appearance and smiled widely to him when their eyes met for a long steady moment. Big tears rolled down each of their cheeks, and they dried the others face with their hands. They talked for long hours, her and Charlie´s sleeping presence at his side giving Danny the energy and strength he needed to be strong and don´t fall apart in front of them. They were the reason he fought so hard; the reason for which he didn´t lose his mind; the reason he was determined to overcome his limitations and become his old self again.

Not even her grandparents could convince Grace to go with them at night. She has stayed in the hospital all day, also when Danny was wheeled out to be treated by his doctors. She had gone with his brother and Uncle Steve to have something to eat on the cafeteria and then returned to the ICU room to wait for her father while entertaining Charlie with games and toys the kid had brought. They both had refused to leave and waited for Danny to be brought back to the room, as the doctor had promised them after finding his patient´s children comfortably seated on the bed with their dad.

Danny was wheeled back in, but instead on a wheelchair as he has left, on a stretcher, and deeply asleep, appearing to be unconscious. Steve and the kids automatically got up from the bed where they had been sitting on while waiting and their three faces showed similar worried expressions.

The nurse hastened to explain to avoid unnecessary wrong assumptions. "Your dad´s just resting because he is very tired, he´s been working very hard so he just needs to nap for a little while. He should wake in a little while though." As he passed by, he playfully lightly squeezed Charlie´s nose, and the kid shyly smiled and hide behind Steve´s leg. Everyone smiled with tenderness for the boy and relief for Danny. The nurse exchanged a look with Steve, who immediately got the idea. He took the kids out while the caregiver transferred Danny from the stretcher to the bed.

"All set, you can go in now. In two hours we´ll bring him the supper. Meanwhile try to let him rest, ok?" Grace and Charlie nodded their understanding, and Steve guided them back inside the room. "Thanks man, that we´ll do". Waiting for his friend´s children to enter the room he partially closed the door to talk privately with the nurse.

"Everything good?"

"Yes everything went fine. The inguinal catheter was successfully removed, so be attentive for any request from his part about the need to urinate. Call us or if it´s an urgency there´s a urinal in the bathroom." Steve nodded, the nurse continued. "The NG tube was also removed and his wounds cleaned and finally left uncovered, except for the ankle which still needs time to mend. Then he had a series of exercises with the PT therapist, so now he´s wiped out. After the meal Dr. Kalama will come ant give you an accurate report, but everything´s ok".

"Thank you" Steve shook the nurse´s hand and followed Grace and Charlie to Danny´s room. He approached Grace, who was sitting on a chair beside her sleeping father. Steve placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. She looked up and smiled. Her smile was a mixture of emotions; she was happy but sad at the same time. They both looked back to Danny´s sleeping face. Steve noticed the red and irritated spot of skin on Danny´s right nostril where the tube had been attached to. But he didn´t have it anymore, for the first time Danny was free from tubing and also the IV ports have been removed. He really looked spent, with a deep even breathing and gummy closed eyes.

"Let´s not wake him, ok?" Steve took pity on his friend´s effort to become well again. Both children nodded their heads again, and Steve walked towards Charlie and sat with him on the other bed, quietly picking up one of little book the boy has brought with him and flipping through it looking kind of curious, appearing to be interested but in reality his mind was already thinking how to make Danny eat between needing to be assisted and his desire to look strong on his kids presence. Pushing the thought aside for later, he leaned back and enjoyed the company of his niece and nephew, as always reflecting on what great kids they are and totally getting how Danny´s world was made and build up around them.

Danny´s smile when waking up and finding his daughter with the tray food on her hands will be forever recorded on their minds and hearts. The moment Steve dreaded passed smoothly and without inconveniencies because the orderly who brought the food, conveniently, asked for everyone to leave the room, so she helped Danny eat while Steve and the kids went to the cafeteria to grab something to eat for themselves.

When going back to the room, they found Danny´s parents and Grover already with him. His mom was combing his wet hair backwards and smiled widely at her grandkids when entering.

"Hey partner" Steve greeted a perfumed, recently bathed and shaved Danny.

"Hey. Where did you guys go?" He tried to rise himself more, so Lou grabbed the remote and lifted up the head of the bed.

"We ate sandwiches and nachos downstairs!" Charlie enthusiastically replied.

"Really? Very healthy" Danny smiled and Steve rolled his eyes. Everyone laughed and then shared precious moments together. Danny´s and everyone´s souls filled up and somehow found, for the first time in a long time, the peace they were so much desiring. With the correct amount of time and care, Danny will be ok. Each of them felt on their hearts that they will have their son, their dad, and their friend back.

Danny´s eyes were starting to fall, so much like Charlie´s, who was almost asleep on his grandpa´s arms. Clara chose that moment to get up and, kissing his son´s forehead and smoothing his hair with a tenderness mothers are only capable of, tucked him better and said her goodbyes. As expected, when asked by her grandfather, who was carrying his now a sleeping Charlie to come alone, she refused and asked to be allowed to stay with her father. Steve and Lou both exchanged a knowing look. Night almost always brought Danny some unpleasant nightmares which had him woke up upset and perturbed, so the request was an absolutely no. Lou intervened intelligently.

"Hey Grace, that's nice but I have another great idea. How about we go to my home, eat a wonderful meal Renee prepares, watch some movie, eat ice cream, hang out with Samantha and Will, and in the morning we´ll go to your dad´s home to pick up the clothes we have been talking about that he needs. What do you think?"

"Sounds fun to me" Steve couldn´t hold himself from intervening.

"You´re coming too Uncle Steve?" Grace asked.

"No kiddo, I´d like to but I´ll stay with your dad here".

"So I assume that´s a yes?"

"Ok…" Grace´s will was flaking.

"What made you change your mind, the ice cream or the mention of Will?"

"Dad!" She blushed but couldn´t hide her beautiful smile.

"Go have fun monkey, I´ll be fine" Getting serious, Danny reached with his hand and pulled her close, they exchanged some private words before Grace followed the rest outside.


	25. It hurts me too

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 25: It hurts me too.

Danny woke up feeling the warmth of the sun on his face. Squinting his eyes and rubbing them with the back of his hand, he moved in an effort to escape the annoying light.

"Ohh finally! Wake up already would you? It´s almost ten o´clock"

"Close the blinds you animal…"

Steve smiled. A cranky Danny was always a good sign. Steve approached him and strategically placed himself between Danny and the window, effectively shading the light away from Danny´s unaccustomed eyes. Indeed, Steve have opened not only the blinds but also the window panes, letting a comfortable warm breeze to free enter and travel the room as it pleased, taking away the best as possible the classical hospital scents and replace them with the aromas of the blooming spring.

"Come on, it´s not so bright"

"Says you" Danny also smiled, but then sighed and again tried to accommodate better on the bed. His face evidencing something was troubling him.

"Hey, what´s wrong?

"I really have to pee" Danny looked from where he was lying towards the bathroom door. It really didn´t seem that far, and he really had to go, so he just tossed the sheets away from his legs the best he could.

"Hey, what´re you doing? Steve got closer as Danny struggled to lower his legs to the floor and assisted him on sitting up.

"I want to go to the bathroom."

"I don´t know Danny, how´re you planning on going over there, why don´t I just…"

"I won´t pee on a pot, so either you help me or get out of my way." Danny attempted to get up, his matter urging him to empty his bladder but his legs not being very strong and helpful, plus his healing ankle still was not up for the task.

"Alright alright alright, but wait for me to go look for a wheelchair." Steve´s eyes looked straight inside Danny´s anxious ones, in order to emphasize his words and to make clear he was no joking about the matter. "Don´t do anything stupid, you hear me? I´ll be right back, wait for me."

The almost imperceptible nod his partner gave him was enough for him to flee the room in order to retrieve the wheelchair as fast as he could do it, because it was Danny and he knew him very well.

Steve left so quickly that Danny didn´t have time to verbalize his change of mind. The urge to urinate was starting to get painful and his emerging pride was still too weak to impose itself. Danny cursed his stubbornness and eased himself further on the border of the bed. The motion pulled on his not so covering gown, obliging him to work on adjusting it back to place to spare him from a humiliating moment. He was tired of his naked body covered just by a light and almost translucent piece of thin fabric. He needed clothes. His clothes. He couldn´t see the moment they brought them to him. Apparently, today was the day.

Looking down to his feet hanging from the bed, he was so immersed on his thoughts and focused on controlling his need to piss that he was startled when the dark wheelchair suddenly made an appearance in front of him.

"Ok, let's go". Steve put the brakes on the wheels. He was also so focused on his little mission that at first he didn´t notice Danny´s doubtful behavior.

"Come on". The Commander straightened and grabbed his friend´s arm in order to help him down the bed and guide and assist him to sit on the wheelchair, but he found resistance as Danny bent back and tensed. "What´s wrong?"

"I´m…" The detective´s voice trailed off, baring the evidence of his growing nervousness. Steve adjusted his grip on Danny´s bicep, shaking him a little bit to encourage him to continue.

"I´m not sure I can hold it much longer".

"Can you make it to the bathroom?"

"Don´t know…"

Steve started to move towards the bathroom, presumably to fetch the urinal pot but Danny was fast enough to grab his sleeve.

"No no, I can do it…" Still with doubt in his voice although his sentence was an affirmation, Danny weakly hold on to his partner´s t-shirt and stilled his movement.

"Ok, let´s go now then". Steve reassumed his place at Danny´s side and helped him slide down the bed and step on his good foot on the cold tiled floor. Damn, every time he touched his friend´s bony back and ribs an instantly urge to break something and loose his fury on the bastards that had done this was inevitable.

Unable to give free ride to those needs, he instead clenched his teeth and his hardened jaw was an enemy of the intention of hiding his rage.

"What?"

"Nothing, let´s go before you pee on yourself". Steve hated himself for exuding bad energy around his friend. He had to focus more on his calmness and supportive attitude.

Danny abandoned the intent of looking his friend on the eyes because he sensed something odd but as Steve sight was lowered on the floor where his feet were, he paid attention again to his desire to relieve his urge to piss.

Those same hands that were capable of break the neck and beat to cause the more damage possible to those who had put them through this, were the same hands that delicately but firmly guided Danny to sit on the wheelchair and pushed him towards the bathroom. The same strength that could take two men down was used to take the majority of his friend's light weight to help him sit down on the toilet. The shame showed itself clearly on Danny´s face. After all he had been through this shouldn't be a big issue, but the tension of his body showed otherwise.

Danny was able to hold on long enough to wait for his partner to go out the bathroom and as soon as Steve stepped out, he released the first ´toilet piss´ on four months. It felt good, and he didn´t care he was sitting down. It was funny, to say at least, that something so simply, natural and basic was taken like a big triumph, because the last time he peed by himself he was on that horrid place, tied up and subsequently obliged to do it on himself, with the incommodity and pain that it wore with it because his skin was raw and infected.

"Close the door please, would you?"

Steve smiled. The tone was so Danny, and he was surprised that the phrase didn´t end with "animal" or something like that. He respected Danny´s request and closed the door.

"Call me when you´re done".

" _The hell I will"._ Danny didn´t call him, and Steve knew he wouldn't. He also respected that. It took the detective almost half an hour to finish his _duties_ before he reopened the door by himself, not without a big amount of struggle and fighting to be able to move the wheelchair.

"Everything ok, could you go well?" Steve took over his evidently exhausted partner and, instead of heading back for the bed, he guided the wheelchair towards a comfortable chair strategically placed by the windows.

"None of your business"

"Oook" Steve put the brakes on the wheels again. "Doctor said you should stay up longer periods of time, so now you´re going to sit on this chair with this magnificent view!" Steve smiled, knowing Danny was on the verge of insulting him. His light and jovial mood was apparently not welcomed and considered annoying.

When he has closed the bathroom door, Steve had remained there, leaning on the wall and attentive in case Danny needed him. He heard his partner struggle but chose not to interfere unless he was asked for help. He knew that, in that moment, the help was to remain ready but not making himself an unwanted presence that could compromise Danny´s growing confidence and pride. The reality was that his friend´s body´s needs were totally opposed to his soul´s and mind´s necessities.

Now, Steve regretted his seemingly careless behavior that made Danny feel bad. Before helping Danny, he seated down on the chair that was for his friend and looked at him on the eyes. "I´m sorry buddy, I didn't mean to be an ass". His heart ached, he longed for those traditional easy going exchanges with his partner but at the same time he felt he had gone too far. He felt Danny was no ready yet and that it was too soon and the matters were too delicate to take them for a laugh. "I´m really sorry" He clasped his friend´s leg and pressed it affectionately, crunching his face and immediately lowering his head to hide the sorrow evidenced on his face. Off guard, Steve felt all he went through the past months and it hit him hard. When he felt Danny´s hand pressing his, he lost it completely and wasn´t able to hold back the broken sobs and then the tears that freely fell down his crumpled crying face. It was his turn to cry his anguish on his friend´s chest.


	26. Heart speaks

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 26: Heart speaks.

Steve clung almost painfully to Danny´s arms and his head was hidden between his shoulders and pushing his friend´s chest with every unmercifully ragged sob he was a victim of.

Danny was surprised by the abrupt and sudden change of behavior. From being the goofy and annoying self, after apologizing Steve went directly and without notice to a crying mess snuggled up in front of him. Apparently he had an enormous burden on his head too, and this was the moment when it exploded.

Danny reacted from his stupor and, hugging his friend the best he could due to their uncomfortable positions, he patted him repeatedly on his back. The motion didn't help to soothe but instead Steve broke up more and cried long and disconsolately, without being able to catch up his breath at times.

Slowly calming down, blowing his nose and regaining his composure, Steve straightened up on the chair and locked eyes with Danny. The light blue eyes of his partner were as damp as his, clouded by oozing tears, in his case, silent ones. Danny just knew something was wrong the moment Steve tensed before going to the bathroom. His friend changed from a goofy mode, to a tensed and angry one, to a helpful and business one, to a goofy one again and now to a crying mess.

"Damn, I´m sorry Danny…I didn´t meant to make you cry, I´m so sorry, I don´t know…"

"Hey, zip it, ok?" Danny dried his own eyes and regained his composure really faster than his friend. He didn´t cry for himself, but for Steve and his family and ohana, all the people he knew that really suffered along with him. He has just now fallen into account of everyone´s suffering and his partner´s own calvary that this moths must have been for him too. Knowing and communicative eyes looked for and finally were able to maintain his friend´s clearly red, mortified and somehow guilty ones. They knew everything happening on their friend´s soul just by looking the other on the eyes. No words were needed to spoke what the heart already knew. But Danny also knew that talking was helpful, so he didn´t try to stop Steve´s relieving words that came out next, spited out with need and taking with them a lot of burden away.

"I missed you so much buddy…" Steve rubbed his eyes and cleared them from turbid tears. After drying his palms on the front of his shirt, he reached out and took Danny´s recently healed hands on his own. "I didn´t knew what else to do. I searched for you everywhere, every day and every hour and even in my sleep." Steve fought back the tears that were treating to reappear. Danny made an effort not to interfere and cut his friend´s relieving talking. Every person who worked with a partner knew the level of responsibility hanging on each other´s shoulders for the wellbeing of the person who trusted his back to the other. Danny perfectly knew that if the roles had been reversed he would be as mortified and feeling as guilty as Steve. He changed his mind and chose to interfere.

"I know you did everything and beyond, I don't doubt it for a second, so don't …"

"Danny, please, let me… let me do this" Danny closed his mouth and waited for his troubled friend to gather his feelings and thoughts together again. He rested his already tiring and aching back on the chair and waited for Steve to continue, promising to himself not to interrupt again.

"I need you to know that we didn´t cease to look for you". Danny almost lost the control he had over his mouth, but couldn´t avoid gesturing his exasperation. Did his friend really need to clarify that topic that he has since the first day considered an actual fact?

"Danny, come on, I know what you feel about it but I need to say it, I need I to let this out of my chest, ok?" Danny closed his eyes and nodded. Gesturing Steve to continue. "As time and months went by… I can´t imagine what you went through… but as time went by and we couldn´t find you… I… I, shouldn´t but I began to lose hope and to despair… I couldn´t cope with the thought of losing you. You´re my brother, great part of my life depends on you being there, on you being ok… on making sure you´re always safe…" Danny opened his eyes, finding Steve looking straight at him with red and slightly swollen ones. "I´m so sorry I didn´t find you sooner; for all the things and moments you had to endure alone; I´m so sorry this happened to you; I´m sorry I wasn´t there for you…" Steve´s voice faltered and gradually became lower and lower, almost imperceptible at the end, and this time he cried silently as Danny began to speak when he felt Steve wouldn´t add anything else to his tortuous speech.

"You know? Even if you doubted yourself I didn´t; even if you lost hope I, every day, knew you´d enter that door and bring me home." Danny made a pause to obviously compose himself after having to remember those feelings before adding "That´s what kept me fighting, because I knew you´d find me and bring me back to Grace and Charlie and see them again, to be on their lives and see them grow up. I couldn't bear any other thought. I trust you, Steve, always have and always will, and that´s what kept me alive and didn't allow me to lose hope."

Steve dried his eyes on the sleeves of his shirt and gently and affectionately pressed Danny´s neck with both hands, bringing his forehead to rest on his.

"And here I am, you see? You can´t get rid of me that easy."

Steve chuckled soundly and both smiled, sharing a bonding moment, one of those moments that Steve thought that would be forever taken away from him. Anguish was replaced with happiness and hopeless with a future of the eternal friendship. His heart expanded and was put in evidence by his mouth.

"I love you, buddy."

"I love you too."


	27. Dressing up

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 27: Dressing up.

Grace, bag in hand, was walking fast, eager to reach her father´s room and leaving Lou and Charlie various feet behind. She entered the room without knocking, at the same rapid pace she was maintaining since she got out Grover´s car at the parking lot. Smiling from ear to ear when she was happily surprised at seeing her father sitting up on a chair near the window, she run the rest of the way towards him and, with all her love and strength, hugged him. "Hey monkey, It´s so good to see you. I missed you so much". He hugged her back tenderly and with the strength that he disposed for, burring his nose on her hair and closing his eyes.

They had been together less than twelve hours before, and Danny sounded still as if he hadn´t already seen her in months. But Grace understood him completely, acknowledging his traumatic experience. Breaking the hug, she kissed him on his cheek and then did something that she knew will do him right. She smiled one of those smiles that made him happy for the rest of the day and washed all anguish and problems away. She then laughed openly at a silly face of her uncle, who Danny recognized was luckily on his goofy mode again, and went to hug him when he motioned her to embrace him with open arms. Steve was distracted to prevent Charlie, who entered running, to jump on his father´s lap to give him his hug along with a crayon drawing with child inscriptions in it. The sudden physical contact took Danny a little unprepared and he couldn't suppress the painful groan that escaped him, but was able to quickly camouflage it onto a happily synchronized murmur.

"Charlie! Be careful, dad´s not ok already". The young lady prevented his brother while moving the handbag she was still holding and placing it on the bed.

"It´s ok… what a great hug. I´m so lucky for those hugs. What do you got there buddy?"… Father and son occupied themselves analyzing the handmade card when Lou made an entrance, obviously very tired and fatigued. Steve greeted him with asking eyes while casually picking Charlie up and lowering him to stand on the floor beside his father and relieve his friend from having to ask his son to get down.

"I just couldn't keep in pace with them". He cleared his equally asking eyes from perspiration. His askance was referred to Steve´s reddened eyes. The commander avoided the implicit question by barely shaking his head. Lou understood the matter was resolved and was too personal and private, but although he had a very good guess about the events. Lou approached Danny and affectionately pressed and massaged his neck with one big hand. "It´s good to see you up Danny, and let me tell you, that's the hell of a drawing". Winking an eye to the ever smiling child, he then moved towards Steve and Grace by the bed.

"Hey, why don't you guys go to pick up some snacks or something to accompany that super chocolate we brought, uh?" Lou copied the gesture he had with Danny now on Steve´s neck. "Come on, you too, go clear your mind and take some fresh air". Steve knew what Lou intended, and apparently Grace was an accomplice because she took his hand and started pulling him towards the door. "Come on Uncle Steve, let´s go to the cafeteria to pick something up for Danno". After a moment of indecision and obstinacy, he finally nodded and let himself be guided out of the bedroom by Grace, while an enthusiastic Charlie grabbed his other hand and started pulling as well to make him hasten his pace.

Danny made a mocked playful face to his daughter as she glanced at him while leaving for the moment. As soon as they left, Lou reached the door and closed it.

"I heard someone said chocolate?" Danny tried to lighten up the moment.

"Yes you certainly did." Lou rummaged through the handbag and took the enormous piece of almond-milk chocolate wrapped on a shiny paper. "Grace´s idea, she wanted to buy you something".

"Nice". Danny smiled proudly.

"Let me tell you man, that girl still adores you". Grover took the handbag from where it was left on the bed and brought it towards Danny, placing it on the wheelchair that was beside the detective.

"What do you mean _´still´?_

Lou smiled graciously, opening the zip of the handbag further and then he started pulling out his friend´s clothes and placing them on "Steve´s" bed, at Danny´s reach. Maybe Danny had the energy necessary just to put on the t-shirt, but said nothing and, as usual, his stubbornness made him try doing it all by himself first. Lou respected the need of his friend to do things on his own. Besides, the doctors and therapists recommended that everything that he could do without help he tried to make an effort to because those were important steps on his recuperation. Easy to say, hard to do, but not impossible. What Lou didn´t know that Danny had already made a personal promise to himself: he would do and try his best, for him and also for his family and friends who were always watching over his wellbeing. Anything less was not an option; anything less was disrespectful to himself and everyone else for the entire difficult road they had already transited.

"Ask me if you need help" Grover moved to busy himself by accommodating some untidy beddings and towels to give Danny some privacy, but staying alert in case he needed to assist his friend.

"..k" Danny slowly and with effort lifted his arms to tie off the knot of his gown on the back of his neck. When his still stiff and goofy fingers managed to success on the task, he lowered his trembling arms to rest a little bit on his lap, along with the gown which he accommodated carefully to avoid any unwanted and embarrassing moment. When his arms finished hurting of exertion, he reached and picked up the t-shirt. Oh, he smiled, how he loved this cotton t-shirt; it was soft; it was comfortable; it was his favorite one. His heart expanded because of how well he was known by the people that loved him. The simplest and smallest details like this were the most important ones to him, because they spoke about a love that was implicit and present at all times.

Danny unfolded the t-shirt and, with a bit of difficulty, slowly slid his arms through the sleeves. He paused a moment again, to regain strength. This was resulting more difficult that he had anticipated. His four-month-non-used arms were apparently angry at him, refusing to work properly and aching with renewed intensity at any new intent of movement and effort. Now, not placing a lot of trust on his arms, Danny tried to help them by arching his back and bowing his head to avoid lifting the trembling limbs too much and finish putting on the shirt. He has just managed to pass his head through the hole when his back was a victim of a cruel shooting pain that traveled each one of his vertebras, from the top one down to his coccyx. He tensed and stopped moving, barely able to control and keep the grunt that almost escaped his throat at bay.

He didn´t have to ask and was very grateful when a pair of hands came at his rescue, first pulling the t-shirt down the rest of his torso and abdomen to complete the task of which he was unable to and then grabbed his biceps and guided him back to rest on the chair. Danny sighed as the consequences of the spasm faded away and closed his eyes to regain his equilibrium as the change of angle of his head made him a little dizzy.

"Hey Danny, you ok?" As his friend didn´t show any sign of movement, Lou tentatively asked, bending with his hands on his knees to be able to look directly on Danny´s face. "Hey buddy…"

"Yeah yeah, just… give me a minute. I´m kind of dizzy, I moved too quickly or something". Danny opened his eyes to mere slits, testing his sight, and saw Lou hunched in front of him, worry written unwittingly on his face. "I´m ok Lou". Danny closed his eyes for a moment more. He felt his knee being patted and heard Grover straighten up and moving in front of him. Danny opened his eyes again and glanced at the rest of his clothes. The mere thought of moving and receiving another painful experience made him reconsider any intent of finish dressing by his own. Apparently his friend read his thoughts because he approached him and picked up his boxers.

"Come on, let´s finish with this before they come back, ok?"

"Yeah ok…" Danny tried to sit straighter. With difficulty he achieved to gain a not so laid back position. "Damn it…" The self-spoken curse was evidence of not being able to reach down to be able to help his feet through each garment.

Lou pretended he didn´t hear the last remark, and, bending down and kneeing at Danny´s feet, he assisted him on passing each foot through first the underwear and secondly the soft cotton sweatpants, being very careful with the healing ankle. The Captain lifted them up to Danny´s knees and stiffly got up, motioning him to grab the waists of both clothes together. "I´ll help you stand and you try to lift them up, can you do that?" Danny nodded and did as he was told. As Lou delicately but firmly grabbed him under the armpits and helped his stand with the strength that Danny lacked at the moment, the detective managed to lift his underwear and pants and put them in place while the discarded gown fell soundlessly to the floor. Task accomplished, Danny´s mind realized his legs weren´t able to support him, and actually they weren't. Starting to panic when he realized he could fell backwards, Danny reached forward and desperately grabbed Lou´s shirt to avoid going down, blinded by the fear and not realizing that Grover still had a firm grip on both his arms to prevent him from falling.

"Easy, easy, I got you Danny, you won't fall, you won´t fall…"The big ex-Swat captain adjusted his grip on the restless patient and placed a massive arm on Danny´s back, to make him feel some support. "Ok, I´ll guide you to sit back down on the chair now, ok?"

Danny nodded, hating himself for this unannounced weakness and wave of fear that attacked him. He didn´t released his firm grip on Lou´s shirt though after he was slowly and carefully guided down to the comfortable chair. Danny just realized he was still doing so when he felt his friend´s hands over his. Grover, still bending down and unable to straighten up, didn´t intend to pry them open but instead squeezed them affectionately, showing his ever present support. The motion brought Danny back from his far away lost space he had fallen into, and his light blue eyes focused again, looking up for Lou´s dark ones. "I´m sorry Lou…" He released his hold on his friend Hawaiian shirt, leaving it all wrinkled and stretched.

"Don´t ever say you´re sorry Danny. You ok now?" The big man reached for the last clothe prepared on the bed. He wouldn´t have used it but now Danny was slightly trembling, maybe not of cold but a bit of warmth wouldn't be unappreciated. He did all the work while putting on Danny´s cotton sweater while his friend mentally zoomed out again, shaking like a leaf. Finishing accommodating the sweater to make it comfortable, Lou rubbed Danny´s arms up and down to bring him warmth. "Mm, you ok?" He asked one more time, intending to bring Danny back again.

The detective abruptly cut his mental rambling and looked at Lou again, a bit confused but regaining his whereabouts immediately. "Yeah yeah, I´m ok, thank you Lou". He gave his friend a shy smile, and Grover was able to hide his worry behind a smile of his own.

"Ok then, do you want the slippers on?" At an approving nod, Lou bent down again and they silently finished the task. Danny tried to help by lifting his feet, and then rested his aching back tiredly on the chair, closing his eyes for a moment. Lou took the opportunity to check his cell phone, which had buzzed a few minutes before. He checked something he already knew, Steve wanted him to notify him when it was clear to come back with the kids, so he gave him the green light.


	28. Anticipatory anxiety

A/N: Thank you so much for Reading and reviewing!

Chapter 28: Anticipatory anxiety

Danny´s eyes were wide open, and he couldn't bring them to succumb to sleep or anything near that. His heart pounded with anticipation and his hands talked about nervousness by grabbing and wrinkling the sheets, although it was only three am and the sky outside was a pitch black. He still was developing his walking ability due to his recent healed and sore ankle and his four month unused muscles, but that was it and that afternoon he has been informed by his doctor that he was being released and going home in the morning. The news hadn´t been at all surprising because he already knew his discharge was near, but knowing it will be in a few hours had him involuntary nervous and anxious.

He had already been given the instructions, and they were very clear and delivered without any room for discussion. He´ll be send back home with a wheelchair to be used, while at the same time he worked on his rehabilitation, until his muscles regained their memory and he was able to walk normally again.

The nervousness made him already need to go to the bathroom two times, and now a third one was pushing him to consider waking Steve up again to help him, because the two previous times he didn´t and consequently he was enfatily reprimanded. The first time, he managed to step out of bed, but as soon as he trusted his legs to take a step forward they betrayed him, his ankles bucked, especially his recently healed one, and he fell on his butt to sit on the floor. The fall has been slow and soundlessly, and his friend, sleeping on the bed by the windows, didn´t even stir. Danny had to call him after trying in vain to get up by himself and there came the first hard reprimand. _"Damn it Danny! You could have been hurt, why didn´t you call me? You have to call me if you want to get up"._ And he was scooped up by his strong partner and seated with care into the wheelchair, leaving Danny red of shame and also a bit of anger at being picked up so easily as if he were a child. The second time he urged to go to the bathroom he saw the wheelchair placed beside his bed and thought himself capable of sliding into it from the bed. But the traitors now were his arms and his hands, which couldn´t support his weight and, helped by the wheels which moved back because they didn´t had the brakes on, he fell to the floor again, this time in a loud and noise way. He didn´t hear much part of the reprimand because his head had hit the floor tiles when he was not fast enough to stop the harsh movement of the fall. The words of complaint from his partner faded away and were replaced by soothing sounds as Danny, who was still seeing stars, moved his hands to grab his pounding head as a result of his skull hitting the hard floor. His hands were moved aside and probing fingers traveled among his hair to carefully search for and evaluate the damage done, obviously checking for blood, but thank God not finding any. _"Danny Danny Danny…"_ Danny could sense the tone Steve used as he was again lifted up, not without difficulty, but instead of finding himself on the wheelchair Danny was again placed on the bed. _"No, I really have to go…" "Just in a minute Danny, just in a minute"_ Steve wanted to make sure there has not been harm caused by the impact of his friend´s head with the floor. He tested the skull one more time, finding the already large bump and receiving an exasperated sigh from his partner, who tried to escape the probing hand. _"Should I call the doctor? How you feel, mm?" "No, I´m fine"_ The curt answer has been followed this time by Steve´s sigh and with him being helped down to the chair and moved to the bathroom in complete silence. When he had been returned to bed, Danny couldn´t avoid being strongly lectured to call his partner the next time he neded to go, if there was one.

So now Danny was considering his next choice, and he chose wisely, considering his two previous failed attempts and the headache he was now the owner of.

"Steve?"

o

After those two almost tragic events in which Danny was left with a protuberant bump and a considerable headache, Steve had made sure Danny was settled and comfortable again and then had laid down back on his bed, but he couldn´t go back to sleep. He also didn´t plan to because he wanted to be alert to prevent another possible fall. He could sense and hear Danny moving on the bed, from side to side, obviously also awake but restless. He was considering getting up to check on him when he heard his name being called with a low asking voice. Tossing the covers aside, he immediately was at Danny´s side, who was already trying to sit up, leaning on his elbows.

"Hey, easy" Steve assisted him to sit on the side of the bed, and then brought the wheelchair nearer.

"What time is it?" Danny lifted his hand to touch where his head has connected with the floor. The headache was really starting to be annoying, and he ended up massaging his hurting temples.

"It´s a little past three" The commander placed a supportive hand on Danny´s back and waited for his friend to take the initiative on moving again. He felt a wave of compassion for his friend; it was obvious that Danny was nervous and anxious. "Big day today uh?" Steve smiled when his friend´s face lighted up. "Are you anxious to go home buddy?"

"What kind of question is that?" Danny also smiled, and to emphasize his eagerness, he started to slide down the mattress´s side. Reaching the floor with his soft wool socks, he almost slipped if not for Steve´s firm grip on his arms. Steve almost rolled his eyes. _If_ Danny survived this night he _would_ go home in a few hours. Securing his friend on the wheelchair, they repeated the process they already knew by heart. Steve pushed Danny to the bathroom, helped him sit up on the toilet, went outside and waited, and then helped his friend back to the bed. Each time they took the opportunity to also make Danny take some steps, to help him start to regain strength.

Now, settled back on the bed, Steve pulled up the covers from the foot of the bed and Danny grabbed them, bringing the soft material to rest comfortably bellow his chin.

"Thanks" Danny´s eyes kept looking at the ceiling, open and without any indication of slumber. "I don't think I´d be able to sleep… I´m kind of anxious"

Steve smiled. "Kind of?" He hopped carefully and seated on the mattress at the foot of Danny´s bed. "Do you want to talk? I don't feel like sleeping either" Tapping his friend´s feet he then squeezed them, looking directly at Danny´s face in an askance way.

After a few slow and silent minutes, in which Danny seemed to be considering something important, the detective reached for the control and lifted up the head of the bed. He then looked at his friend straight in the eyes. Immediately, Steve sensed and knew Danny was about to open up about something very important. He mentally and spiritually prepared himself, at the same time that, involuntary, he squeezed with more force Danny´s feet under his hand.

"I…" Danny stopped; took his time; swallowed; make a pause; doubted; but his friend´s eyes were a secure and trustworthy place in which lay every burden out. The firm squeeze and strong presence gave him security and confidence, so he continued.

"I had just returned from taking Charlie to Rachel´s and…" Danny lowered his eyes, but as soon as he did so dread engulfed his chest, so he looked up again in search of his partner´s secure line. "…I… when I left the car to go to the house, someone was hiding, I didn´t see but there was more than one or two. They eeh, they grabbed me from behind and… tied my hands and put me a gag on my mouth and… a bag on the head. Then they…" Danny started to hyperventilate.

"Easy partner" Steve perched closer and grabbed fondly Danny´s hands on his. "You can do it. Let it out buddy".

"…Then they dumped and locked me on a small trunk of a car".

While Steve reached forward to pull his friend on a firm hug, those first moments and feelings of torture after arriving and finding the crime scene in front of Danny´s house came back to him and punched painfully on his own chest, aggravated by his friend´s involuntary shudders under their embrace.

"And I´m claustrophobic…" The barely whispered words made Steve close his eyes and let his tears run free course down his cheeks. He couldn´t, and didn´t want to, imagine Danny on that terrifying moments. He didn´t know how many hours had his friend endured that particular confinement and what kind of level of despair had he reached, all alone and with an uncertain fate.


	29. Don t cancel

A/N: Many special thanks for those who take the time to leave a review. I appreciate them a lot!

Chapter 29: Don't cancel

Steve drove the Camaro slower than usual, trying to pass every speed bump with the less movement possible. Averting his eyes from the road for a few seconds while a red light stopped him on an intersection a few blocks away from the hospital, he took the chance to look at his partner. Danny was snuggled up on the passenger seat, with both legs up, elbows on his knees and holding his head, which was resting on the window, the best he could, keeping it from shaking and moving along with the car motion; his back and side pressed between the corner of the seat and the door. His small and thin body was lost under the too big cotton hooded sweatshirt Steve had bought him a few days back when he had alleged being cold. Hood on, Steve wasn´t able to see his face as his friend was turned sideways towards the window.

"Danny, are you ok?" Steve knew Danny had a strong headache, almost reaching the level of a migraine. The fall of last night and the bump hiding below his hair; the anxiety and the consequent stress; the inability to sleep; everything contributed of his current painful state. His release has been reconsidered but immediately confirmed again when Danny´s spirits fell below earth at the mere mention of not going home that day. His expectations were so high that they were actually the reason for his current pathetic state. The clinical and the physiatrist doctors both agreed that the best option would be let their patient go as anticipated, and under practically an oath to take Danny straight to bed and make him rest, Steve had signed the medical discharge forms.

"Mm-hm" Danny didn´t move on his seat and barely gave a sign of life through his mumbled response. After a moment of evaluating the situation, Steve returned his sight to the road, realizing the light was already green. Before he could react, a loud honk made them both shake and jump on their seats.

"Son of a…" The car passed them fast and by the right, honking repeatedly. Steve changed the gear and his first natural reaction would have been to follow and chase it if Danny had not been with him, but not being the case, he instead immediately forgot about that idiot and slowly made his way towards a near parking lot to evaluate his friend´s wellbeing after hearing a grunt at his side.

Once the car completely stopped moving and the engine was turned down, Steve reached and pulled the hood away from Danny´s face. Squeezed eyes, tight lips and a greenish pallor indicated only one thing.

"Hey" Steve tried to move apart Danny´s hands to take a better look. "Are you going to be sick?" An affirmative groan and a blind hand trying to find the door handle had the ex-seal exiting the car and going round the other side. Steve opened the door his friend has managed to barely unlock at its full and reached inside to help Danny lower his legs to the floor. Then, grabbing him by the elbows he assisted him forward just in time for his partner to empty the little and few contents of his stomach on the sidewalk. Although the effort, they were not fast enough to avoid being a little splashed by the acid and liquid vomit. Danny´s temples beat at a steady and rapid rhythm, making his head feel like exploding from the inside and his sight to falter a little, making the sides of his vision to be clouded and spotted with yellow and grey lights. When he finished puking and dry heaving, he rested sideways on the seat for a moment, seeking for quietness and lack of movement to regain his composure. He was oblivious to what his partner was doing other than hearing the trunk opening and closing and other movement around the car. He opened his eyes when sensed that movement stopping in front of him and the warm light was shaded away from his face. His vision has cleared and he could see clearly the mess he had left in the sidewalk, and on his and Steve´s pants. He couldn´t help his hand from trembling miserably when he reached for the damp handkerchief his partner handed him.

"Thanks. Sorry ´bout that". He motioned to their pants and didn´t bother to pay attention to Steve´s dismissal of his apology, before cleaning his mouth and handing the wet cold cloth back to Steve and grabbing the bottle of water he was next offered. Rinsing his mouth, he tried to splash the less possible when spitting the water, and then he took three more sips alongside two pills his friend gave him, to alleviate the killing ache inside his skull.

"Thanks"

"Now you´ll feel better. You feel like sitting back? Maybe recline the seat so you could lay down a bit more?"

"Yeah" Danny considered it a good idea, and the mere thought of lying back was very tempting. He managed to bring his legs up and turn on the seat to be siting facing straight forward, and that was where the pounding on his head allowed him to do before threatening him with more pain and nausea. So he just seated there, closed his eyes and felt Steve moving in front of him and adjusting his seatbelt and then reaching down to lower the back of the seat. The change of position and the comfort it brought were very welcomed by the just hospital-released patient and he sighed with content, letting some tension fall off his shoulders. Danny felt a hand affectionately squeezing his knee before the door was carefully closed, with the intention of not doing so much noise to add discomfort to his headache.

The driver´s door was next opened, but Steve didn´t immediately get in. Instead, he bent and leaned forward to say something. "I´ll make a phone call ok? Will be just a second and we´ll…"

"Don´t cancel" Danny´s tired but firm tone cut his explanation.

"What?"

"Whatever´s going on in my house, don't cancel, I´ll be fine, I´ll manage"

Steve smiled and closed his eyes, lowering his head. Sometimes he forgot that besides being his friend, Danny was a damn good detective, one of the best he knew. He has been discovered and somehow during the intended secret preparations of Danny´s welcome party on his own house, his partner has not been so oblivious and innocent as he seemed to be. Lifting his head again, Steve took a moment to assess Danny, and make a decision of his own. His friend was lying as still as possible, an arm covering his eyes, blocking the light out. He concluded that contradict him and deprive Danny of receiving a warm welcome from his loved ones and ohana would be worse than risking another vomit.

"Ok" Still smiling at his friend and at not having to cancel Grace and Charlie´s diligently planned and eagerly awaited welcome party, he jumped in and started the engine, joining the street and retaking the same smooth driving towards Danny´s house.


	30. Silent drive

A/N: Thank you for reading. I appreciate a lot the reviews!

Chapter 30: Silent drive

The trip from the hospital to Danny´s house, at their actual low speed and at peak hour, would take at least forty five minutes, if not an hour or more due to Steve´s choice to look for roads which were less transited and highways with less traffic to evade any undesired high horn or even a series of possible insults.

Keeping with effort the foot pressed very lightly on the gas pedal, Steve alternated his sight between the road and his quiet friend. Danny hasn´t moved, and was evident that he didn´t intend to, as an effort to avoid the resurging of the killing pain on his head and to help the pills to start making effect. His arm, still crossing his eyes, was tense and was clear evidence of his awareness and of his awaked state.

Steve returned his attention to the road. They had already left the tree-surrounded streets and now Steve coupled to the freeway for a few miles, with a beautiful coast view. But he didn´t pay attention to the sea. Instead, his brain plagued him with the dark memories of the day he had flown through the city streets and this very same freeway towards Danny´s house, at a speed too much exceeding the permitted limit. That day, more than four months ago, in which his world was turned upside down, Danny didn't came to work at his usual time in the morning. He had called him a few times, thinking maybe his friend wasn´t feeling ok. Just when he had decided to go check on him, a disturbing call from Grace had his flesh on goose-bumps and the hairs on the back of his head to stand. His niece had found his father´s wallet, gun, badge and keys neatly placed one beside the other by the entrance door of his house, along with an envelope addressed to the 5-0 task force. The broken and crying voice of Grace still was and will forever be embodied on his brain. The girl was clearly scared, and what she was saying to him was almost unintelligible. On his frantic search for his truck keys and with his own heart loudly pounding on his ears, Steve could only elucidate something about his father being gone, being taken… After that, everything was eternally revealed on his private memory, and everything seemed to go at full speed, as he had forced his truck to go that morning heading to Danny´s house, barely avoiding hitting something when he passed every red light, making use of his sirens and blinded by rage and protectiveness.

That trip had been nothing like this one, actually, it had been the complete opposite, so fast and this, so slow. Steve glanced again to his partner, still quiet and still silent. He had to make sure he was still there. Sometimes, when he woke up, he still had to use a few seconds to remember if Danny has been found or not, like every time one wakes up from a nightmare, but the nightmare, in this case, being the reality.

Danny had dropped his arm to rest on his chest. Apparently, at first sight, he had fallen asleep. His lax face and lack of pain wrinkles told his partner that he was, for the moment, out of this world of painful memories. Steve returned his sight to the road and for the first time realized how tall the palm trees at the side of the road were. The relief of seeing Danny at his side made him able to admire, at least for a few moments, the beautiful scenery at his side. The crystal color of the ocean made him smile when the waves made him remember one of Danny´s famous rants. The slowness of his drive made him appreciate many things that the accelerated life pace, especially in the tumultuous and difficult four past months, made him lost track of. His eased mind allowed him to start admiring again the beautiful sceneries and alleviated his heart of painful spasm at the rhythm of disturbing memories. Although this, the silent moments always brought something of this troubled thoughts back, even when Danny was already found and at his side, like in this case.

Steve lifted his foot from the gas pedal. Subconsciously, he had accelerated a little, at pace with his growing distressful thoughts which he could not evade and caused him great discomfort. A road bump made him lessen the speed again, and immediately look at his partner, who, thankfully, had not been pulled out of his slumber. More concentrated on the road and in maintaining always the same speed, the Commander sighed and rested his head on the seat. The memory of Grace sitting on the floor by her father´s belongings at the entrance of the house and her red and crying eyes when he approached her running; her desperate embrace and the envelope she handed him, assaulted him one more time.

The envelope, the damn white envelope with an awful handwriting saying _"five-0"._ The paper and the one inside where completely clean, no fingerprints, no DNA, no nothing. It had been very frustrating, because apart from that, it had been their only clue, their only contact and the only thing that could give them a hint of where or why Danny has been taken. The entire time his partner has been kidnapped, they had not had another instruction or request, and they were moved only by the disturbing words written on the notebook ripped sheet that was inside: _"Want him back? What a shame, because you can´t give us back what´s ours. Maybe, eventually, you´ll find him, maybe alive, maybe dead, but in the meantime, until you figure things out, let´s have some fun. It´s up to you, the more you delay, the more he suffers and the slower he dies. Isn´t this fun? At least it is for us. Consider this payback. You had been notified."_

Steve knew these lines by heart. He knew every way each letter was written and the way each one connected with one other. The paper and ink were already worn out because of the high amount of time the sheet had been on Steve´s hands and his fingers passed each word while the ex-navy-seal´s brain was absorbed thinking every possible theory about his friend´s disappearance again and again. Those words were the only link to Danny´s fate, and they were squeezed to death. They knew that there were at least two people, probably more, according to the plural writing style; they also knew that they had lost something, probably something valuable materially or maybe a member, of family or gang or from whatever group they formed. They assumed, due to what they had written, that they didn´t want anything in exchange, but just to make them suffer as they probably had. That made them start looking into those who had lost someone on every case they had intervened. The fact was that they had gone through every case and interviewed hundreds of people and suspects. At the lack of results and at the pass of precious time in which Danny was suffering, desperation finally had kicked in, and Steve´s and everyone´s spirits started to go down and made them wonder if they will be able to get to Danny in time. The lack of actual facts about Danny´s confinement had made his partners heart and mind go wild thinking of every obscure possibility.

Steve shacked his head and blinked his eyes slowly a couple of times, making and effort to put those memories aside, at least for the moment. Today was a happy day, a crucial day on Danny´s recovery. He was taking him home, Danny was at his side and he could not let himself be plagued by those feelings now. They were only like ten blocks away now, and he glanced at his friend. Danny was still asleep. Choosing a nice tree shadow, Steve parked at the side of the quiet road, hating the fact that he had to bring Danny back from his tranquil sleep. Turning off the engine, the resulting quietness was soothing and at the same time made him be more aware of his task as he turned towards his side and reached his hand to grab his partner´s knee and squeeze it a bit to achieve waking him up. It worked, and Danny took a deep breath and let it out equally slowly, aware that his head felt a little better and not wanting to upset it again.

"Danny, we´re almost at your house buddy"

"Just give me a minute" Danny rubbed his sleep away from his face and yawned tiredly. "Ok, help me straighten the seat, would you?"

Steve silently reached down and pulled slowly the seat straight. Clasping his hand on Danny´s shoulder, he smiled when his friend looked at him. He could clearly see Danny´s anxiety, but at the same time his happiness. He affectionately tapped his shoulder and happily announced their next stop as he turned forward on his seat and started the engine again.

"We´re going home buddy!" He laughed, trying to evaporate his friend´s anxiety and let him have only happiness. Looking at Danny again, he could see him smiling, and with a full heart he drove the last ten blocks that separated them from their destination.


	31. Home and ohana

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and for leaving a review!

Chapter 31: Home and ohana

Danny felt his head going down and, for the third time, he violently jerked it up and made an effort to open his eyes and to remain awake. The comfort of his sofa and the warm breeze coming from the exterior through the open windows and sliding door, annexed to his tired body, the remaining slight headache, made him drowsy and a victim on his battle to stay awake.

The familiar scent of his own house, which he had missed so much during imprisonment and hospital time; the musical sound of his daughter´s laughter coming from the kitchen; the relaxing chat from his friends sitting nearby; the shyly warm sunlight of the sunset evading the blinds and reaching his face; the death-weight of his son´s body, exhausted by all the adrenaline of the day, already sleeping on his lap; the quietness of the dying day outside; the songs of the birds going to sleep… Danny was happy. His soul reached a higher level, a place of peace in which he hadn't been for a long time. He sank deeper on the soft sofa and rested his head on the back, allowing his eyes to close and his hearing to lose track of the conversation surrounding him, letting it pass by and just took in the voices of his friends.

His friends, they are precious and invaluable people. They are his family, his ohana. His anchor; his salvation; his strength; his reason to push forward and not let the monsters of dread win; his light on dark moments and his peace on nightmare-plagued nights; his company in the endless hours of insomnia. They had been there, 24/7. Even when he was still a prisoner on his hell, their presence had been with him giving him hope.

The sun was already hiding its rays below the horizon, letting the last warm of its light caress with tenderness Danny´s face and blonde hair. He sighed slowly and soundlessly, with content. He was happy, and he could let his mind loose on more vague things, like the need of getting a haircut. Maybe tomorrow he´d ask Steve to take him to the barber shop. But he didn´t want to think ahead of today, because today has been a perfect day, and he has learned to treasure every beautiful moment that was given to him.

His homecoming has not been stressful at all, because he has had a lot of support. Every warm hug he received after entering through the door lifted his spirits after his light-hearted argue with Steve about how to make his entrance. As always, they had pushed each other's buttons by opining the exact opposite: due to his weary features, Steve wanted him to use the wheelchair all the way from the car and even through the door, but Danny wanted to walk all his way in. At the end, both had won and both had lost a little. Steve had managed to convince his stubborn partner to sit on the chair and had pushed him towards the house, where he then helped Danny up to allow him to do his walk through the door just as he wanted to. Danny hadn´t been directly told about a welcoming party, but he just knew that, although the silence and apparent quietness, the house was occupied by his friends and family waiting to ´surprise´ him. Also, Steve hadn´t denied the fact, so he had prepared himself for a noisy welcoming when he put the key on the door and pushed it open. As he had expected, the level of noise was high, and although he had been mentalized, he couldn't avoid jumping a little with surprise. The hugs had come next, first by his two precious kids, who embraced him at the same time from both sides, with considerable inconsiderate force. Then, a series of softer, considered of his fragile built, but not less strong hugs had followed. It was obvious, because of the tenderness of each one, that his friends were concerned with causing him any harm. His image must be a very fragile one, maybe to a greater extent due to the baggy clothes he was wearing, that made him look even thinner. Everyone had looked at him in the eyes, thirsty of connecting again with his much missed soul. Everyone had explored the blue of his eyes and had made sure he understood how much valuable he was for each one of them. His neck has been affectionately pressed; his back has been patted and caressed; his hands had been firmly grabbed and squeezed; his cheeks had been kissed and words of comfort, welcoming and encouragement were spoken to him with emotion and sincerity from the heart. Everything and everyone contributed for his own heart receiving a strong pump of strength and determination to push and look forward. The rest of the day consisted on a delicious meal which included Danny´s favorites and an afternoon filled with chats, anecdotes, laughs, and shared time which helped Danny to achieve a very happy return to home.

Now, after the sun has finally receded to give room to a bright full moon on a very dark sky, Danny was awakened by a distant noise coming from the kitchen. Opening his eyes, he discovered it was dark already, and that he was in total gloom lying completely down on the same couch he has been sitting all the afternoon. Charlie was no longer on his lap, and neither were his friends talking beside him. Rubbing his sleepy eyes, he finally realized the pass of the hours and that he had fallen deeply asleep, not even sensing that someone had lifted his feet from the floor and laid him down completely, to allow him to continue sleeping on the couch. His slippers were on the floor and a thick blanket was covering him from his toes up to his chest. A pillow has been placed under his head, and he was very grateful for it because, without it, his headache would probably be much fiercer by now. Danny chose to get used to his body and to analyze his surroundings before moving from his comfortable position. He cursed himself, because it was obvious that by now everybody had left, and meanwhile he had been the sleeping beauty. He wondered if Grace and Charlie had left too. Moved by that intrigue, Danny forced himself to leave the comfort and warmth of his improvised bed and so, he managed to sit up. Lowering his feet to the floor, he closed his eyes and, placing the warm palms of his hands to cover them, he waited a few minutes to recover his composure as his head protested with renewed pain caused by the movement. Once his hearing cleared from the annoying whistle of blood circulation, Danny was able to hear normally and he focused on the low voices coming from the kitchen. He smiled, his kids were there.

His kids, oh God how he loved them. They were his joy, his heart, his reason to breathe, his pride, his world, his strength, his everything. This day he has spent every hour with them, passing his fingers through Grace´s hair and playing with Charlie´s hands, sometimes tickling him to obtain one of those loud laughs. Needing the closeness to his dad, Grace and Charlie had stayed all the time near him, curled up under his arms or just sitting beside him, enjoying their dad´s presence and sucking it from everything that had been stolen from them all this past months. The memories of the day made Danny´s heart expand with happiness and pride for his kids, such beautiful persons and the eternal loves of his life.

A hand on his shoulder made him come back to the present, so he let his hands uncover his eyes and, looking up, Danny saw his partner had brought the wheelchair nearer.

"Come on, let's eat something" Steve assisted Danny up while pushing the chair behind him. "You ok?"

"Yeah, just tired"

"Sure you are. Big day today, uh?"

Whit shaking legs, the detective managed to turn on his heels to be able to sit again. Once in the wheelchair, he stopped Steve, who has bent down to release the brakes from the wheels, by grabbing his sleeve and looked at him directly in the eyes.

"Thank you. For everything" The heartfelt and sincere words were spoken from Danny´s soul and the gratefulness emanating from them was crystal clear. Danny was thanking his friend not only for today's welcoming, but for completely everything he had done for him, for every hour and minute spent at his side, watching over him, caring for him and his kids.

Steve smiled a sincere smile, and his eyes said everything from his part. "You don't have to thank me, Danny, for anything" Patting his friend´s shoulder, he straightened up. "But you´re welcome anyway". The commander added the usual humor quote, while starting to push his friend towards the dining table.

"I can walk, you know that?"

"Of course you can"

Both friends entered the dining room smiling and with his hearts at ease.

"Daddy! We made you the soup you like!" Charlie´s shrill voice was cut short by his sister´s grave tone.

"Charlie! It was supposed to be a surprise!"


	32. Implicit acceptance

A/N: Thank you very much for your support and your reviews!

Chapter 32: Implicit acceptance

Danny managed to sit on the border of his bed and sighed with relief. His legs, shaking due to the effort that they have done to go to the bathroom and come back, all by themselves and with none external help, had barely achieved to take him back to the bed.

It was three in the morning, and Danny wiped the sweat from his eyes with the sheet. The high amount of soup he has ingested was now coming out, principally in terms of urine for which he had already had to get up two times to go to the bathroom.

His children had served him a huge pot of almost overflowing soup, and he was minutely inspected to finish it, much as he had always done with his kids when he made them soup. Half the bowl down, his shrinked stomach couldn´t take any more but, nevertheless, he made an enormous effort not to disappoint Grace and Charlie, who were very excited on the fact that the soup was indeed delicious. But at the same time he tried to get Steve to gang up with him on trying to help him on leaving some soup on the bowl. The idiot didn't understood, or didn´t want to, and instead encouraged him to finish it, recommending him to take his time and also offered him to heat it up again if it get cold. The hatred look he gave him when his daughter and son weren´t looking didn't help any on softening his partner´s posture. Deep down Danny knew they were right, so he kept drinking the soup. He needed to eat. He needed to start regaining strength and body mass. He needed to do it to be able to become independent again. So he tried to please, so he continued to take small sips well after the others had finished theirs. But, when he forced his stomach too much and he couldn´t avoid a gag reflex, his friend had immediately reconsidered his inflexible posture and Danny was allowed to leave the remaining soup for later.

Now, thinking cold, the bowl has not been that big, but to him, it had seemed like a very, very big one. As big as his child´s eyes when he gagged and they were commanded to clear the table and take the dishes to the kitchen by their uncle, who got up and approached him, took the spoon from his hand and retrieved the soup pot, placing it on the other side of the table, where Grace picked it up and took it back to the kitchen, not before giving his father an assessing look. _"You ok?"_ His friend´s face had appeared in front of him, looking concerned. _"I can´t take any more inside of me, I just can´t…"_ His discomfort had been very evident, and the tiredness of a very exciting day had taken away any willpower to hide it. _"That´s ok"_ His partner had said, with understanding on his tone. After receiving a kiss from his kids, Danny had asked Steve if he could accompany Charlie to wash his teeth and get in bed. His friend eagerly did as requested, and took his time settling the kid for the night.

Danny had stayed put sitting by the dinner table for a few more minutes after his children and his partner disappeared through the bedroom doors. He had waited for his stomach to settle and process at least a little of everything he had forced into it before he managed to get up and limp his way towards his bedroom. Not caring about nothing else than lie down and fall asleep right away, he hadn´t even bother to neither pay attention to his already protesting full bladder nor uncover the neatly made up bed. He had just managed to slide off his slippers and then crawled his way to the middle of the bed, sprawling face down and burring his face on his soft pillows. Doing so, the scent of his usual fabric softener filled up his nostrils, and he had gone to sleep with a smile of content on his face, not only because he was finally home, but also because during all day, he had been a witness of the simplest of the love gestures of his friends, which went from a firm hug to the fact that his house was impeccable clean and tidy, as if time hadn´t passed and it hasn´t been inhabited for long months. He recognized it as a sign of the dedication of his friends, who had made the effort to make his return home a really nice experience at finding everything as normal as possible, as if time hadn´t passed at all. He was sure that not only his friends had been at this task, but also and without any doubt, his mother. She had been there, and in her embrace he had melted and abandoned, like a little child, and without any shame, he had even fallen asleep on his mother´s chest, listening to the soothing rhythm of her heart while she caressed him and hummed him a tune. He cringed inwardly now for the sorrow image of a grown man he must have given, but at the time he had just needed that, and he wouldn't mind to get that again, at any time. He was tempted with calling her, had she not flown back to Jersey. But she´ll be back soon, and then he´ll be able to seek for her comfort again. In the meantime the phone calls will suffice.

Danny hadn´t been too long on the land of dreams when he was woken up by a light patting on his feet. _"Hey, have you washed your teeth?"_ Barely awake, _t_ he detective had managed to roll on his side, regretting the fact of have been lying face down, because it resulted on his head pounding with vigor. Gazing his partner close the blinds of the window through the dim light coming from the living room, he half-awake had added: _"I thought I asked you to see ´Charlie´ to bed. Go away please and let me sleep"._ Steve had smirked, and coming closer, he had taken the liberty of sitting on the side of the bed. _"Come on, you´re sleeping above the covers. Go to the bathroom. Freshen up. Take a piss. Wash your teeth, and then you´re allow to bed"_ _"I´m not a child, you know that?" "No, you´re not, a child is more compliant and easier to coax, I just checked"_ The Commander had then gotten up while pushing playfully his friend´s legs toward the side of the bed and turning the bedside light on. Danny had complied, more to achieve getting Steve off his back than for his own will to get those things done, he had dragged his feet towards the bathroom and then had buried himself on the now open and awaiting fresh bed, which gave him a long missed embrace, making him forget everything and close his eyes with delight. Oblivious to Danny, Steve had turned off the light and walked out of the bedroom, setting himself on the couch for the night.

Now, at three in the morning and after several trips to the bathroom, Danny was starting to suspect it wasn´t only because of the amount of soup he had ingested. Inexplicable to him, he woke up nervous and sweaty. Sitting at the border of the mattress, he wiped his neck and face with the sheet. He couldn´t help his heart beating at an abnormal pace, and it wasn´t because of the effort of pushing his recovering body to the bathroom and back.

He was convinced of his nervous and almost panicky state when he was brutally startled when a hand was placed lightly on the back of his bowing neck.

"Hey hey, I´m sorry buddy. Are you ok? What´s wrong Danny?" The short breaths made Steve bend and pay close attention to his partner.

"I don´t …" Danny took a deep and profound breath to try to fill up his lungs, which were complaining about the poor amount of oxygen they were receiving. "I think I´m having a panic attack or something…"

Danny´s sight blurred and he saw white for a few seconds. He was at the peak of his panic when he felt he was being laid back onto the bed, and his legs being lifted and placed above pillows. Then his hand had been forcefully squeezed and he was walked though his breathing, until he could control it and the hatred sensation of dying abandoned him, leaving his body trembling and damp with sweat.

"I´m sorry"

Steve just shook his head and evaded the unfounded apology. Danny rested a few minutes in silence, breathing deeply and exhaling slowly. They were getting good at this. It could be said that the two friends were now experts in getting out of a panic attack on record time. The fact was, sadly, that the could do that because they had had a lot of practice.

Danny´s chest evened out and took a normal pace again, as well as his heart. He broke his hand free from his partner´s strong grip and turned sideways, sighing deeply and closing his eyes. He felt Steve getting up and then felt the covers being placed back over him.

"I´ll go bring a chair and stay here for a few minutes" At the hospital he had always sat there until Danny fall asleep again. There was nothing to prevent him from doing the same here. Danny didn´t say anything, so he took it as an agreement.

"Thanks" The barely audible gratitude was lost to Steve, who was already coming back with a chair and a blanket from the living room. Danny closed his eyes when he had made sure that his friend´s presence was settled and on guard.


	33. You ll be late

A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a review! I wanted to thank specially for everyone who takes the time to give me comebacks, I appreciate it very much.

Chapter 33: You´ll be late

Danny passed his hands over his head, helping the warm water of the shower wash away the enormous amount of foam the shampoo he had applied had made over his recently cut hair. He loved the sensation of the shorter sides, so he kept running his palms over them, alternating with running his fingers through his longer hair on the top.

The day before, Steve had made a private appointment with Danny´s hairdresser and then he had driven him to it. The fact that Danny´s disappearance has been all over the news for months and his case has become very famous on the islands made the Head of 5-0 to be very suspicious and careful about Danny´s exposure to the public at a so much recent stage of his rescue and release from the hospital. During all his recovery period in the hospital the detective had not been in contact with the news, and only yesterday he had been in possession of his cell again. Steve didn´t know if Danny had been snooping on the internet, but it was not something he wanted to intrude into, because he wanted to let Danny regain his freedom in every sense, so he couldn´t be controlling him as if he were a kid with his phone. But he would be there, if he was needed, if Danny asked anything or started with questions.

Nevertheless, if he could do anything to evade curious people which could overwhelm Danny it was a fact that he would do whatever on his power to do so. That is why he had accorded with the barber to make a private appointment with Danny, and asked the professional to be discreet with his questions, or better said, to act normally. He could have asked him if he could go directly to the house, but he didn´t want to protect Danny by isolating him. Sooner or later he should go back to the world, and besides a short trip would be beneficial for the mind.

Danny had been cool with it, he hadn´t paid much attention to Steve reasons and hadn´t questioned his decisions. Eager to get hair off his head, he had sat quietly and silently on his barber´s chair, letting the talk be conducted by the other two men. He found himself totally oblivious and not paying any attention to the banal topics they were touching. Closing his eyes, he had enjoyed the sensation of the comb caressing his scalp and the sound of the scissors and razor. During his months in captivity, Danny had developed an extraordinary sense of hearing, because while all his other senses were limited and restricted, the only thing he could do with liberty was to hear. His hearing was the only sense which could transfer the walls and help him on not losing completely his mind. He trusted his hearing every day. It told him when the rainforest was quiet when he heard the birds singing with happiness; it told and prevented him when someone was coming, every day at the same time, to fed him and lose the length of his chains to allow him reach the bucket and make his necessities; it told him when they left and abandoned him again. It was his ally in his desire of hearing his friends coming, but at the same time it was his enemy when that desperate desire was involuntary transformed on illusions and Danny kept hearing things that were not real. On those times, his heart ached and he thought that if they didn´t find him soon, he´d lose his mind. So, at determined moment of his imprisonment, he had stopped listening, because many times he had been fooled when he thought Steve was calling him through the dense forest. The only free sense he possessed had ended auto limited by his fear of expect something that might never happen. So low his soul had descended, that when found, he didn´t even bothered to make the effort to look up or make some sign of life.

It had taken time. In fact, it was during all his recovery period on the hospital that he started to regain confidence on his senses again. It was an actual fact, and it was checked by force by Danny, that when you recover something that you have been deprived of, then it becomes more valuable and cherished. Danny was experiencing this a hundred percent. Yesterday, at the barber´s shop, he almost fell asleep on the chair while listening to the metal sound of the scissors and feeling the breeze coming through his clean and shorter hair. The perfume of the hairspray with which his haircut was finished filled his nostrils and submerged him on a nostalgic feeling of sunny mornings, before work started and busy days developed between cases, friends, and his kids... Oh, how he missed his life, how much he missed his old self, how much he missed everything that was stolen from him, his freedom, his independence, his pride, his outspoken personality. Oh, how much he hurts still. How much he still needed to heal.

Placing both hands on the steamy tiles, Danny bent his head forward and let the warm shower wash away the rest of the foam, which travelled alongside his body and slowly disappeared trough the small drain grate, fighting its getaway with a considerable amount of swirling water. The sensation of the almost too hot water on his shoulders was heavenly, and Danny lost count of how many minutes he had spent there, letting the water caress his increasing red skin. The bathroom slowly started to fill up with hot steam, so Danny reached and opened the small window, to let the fresh air in and to allow him to breathe easier. Mouth wide open to allow his protesting lungs to receive fresh air, Danny rested his forehead on the wall and, turning down the heat of the water, he let the cooler liquid refresh him.

The change of temperature wasn´t welcomed by his body though, making its protest in form of goosebumps which nearly become shivers, until his flesh lost a bit the heat accumulated and the temperature leveled. Sighing with relief when that happened, he started to enjoy again the soothing pattern of the water hitting his head and shoulder with force, and then caressing the rest of his body while descending. Danny didn´t intended to leave the shower just yet, so he established a fight of wills against his protesting ankle, because it was really starting to hurt and wanted to disobey by quitting already. Danny fooled it by supporting more weight on his right leg and by grabbing the faucet in front of him while leaning more heavily on the wall. He didn't want to get out. He partially knew that, apart from enjoying the shower, he was delaying finishing it because he had scheduled an appointment with the psychiatrist. He realized that he didn't want to face reality and it scared him as much as the mere fact of facing it. If it were for him, he would stay in the shower all morning, not caring that his finger prints were already like very old raisins. Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted him and his ramblings and startled him, bringing him back to the present and making his heart nervous without any certain cause for it.

"Danny, you ok in there?" Lou´s questioning tone put in evidence the enormous amount of time the water has been running.

"Yeah!" Danny made sure his reply was heard above the running water. Damn, until when would he have to have a babysitter? The silent complaint was short-lived though, because he knew his friends meant the best, and also because the mere thought of not having their help and support simply terrified him. He knew that if Steve had not been there the other night, he would have been a prisoner of that panic attack for much longer time; he knew that if his partner had not been there in the morning, he would not have gotten up from bed; he knew that he would not have gotten a haircut for sure. He knew that if Lou was not there today, he would not leave this shower for at least two more hours. This actual fact, and the realization, once again, of its truthfulness gripped his heart with renewed and unmerciful anguish. His sight blinded for a few seconds and the fear of another panic attack made his neck to tingle and his legs to become jelly. And then they buckled, and they doubled and soundlessly carried Danny down, and left him sitting on the tub.

"Danny? Come on buddy, you´ll be late for Dr. Hale´s appointment. Steve will be here at any moment to pick you up".

At the mention of his psychiatrist and anticipating the fact that he would have to talk and open up in front of this doctor when what he really wanted was to crawl back in bed and disappear for the rest of the day, Danny thought he would pass out when his hearing chose to focus primary on his blood circulation, making the annoying whistle to elevate its volume as Danny became more and more panicked. First his sight, then his legs, now his hearing, and last: his already battered dignity.

Danny opened his eyes when the water of the shower stopped hitting him as it was turned off. He wanted to move, to get up, but his body still didn´t respond him. Hi closed his eyes again when Lou covered him with a big towel. _"Breathe buddy"_ he though he heard and so he opened his eyes again. Lou was there, kneeling beside him, giving him a worried look but at the same time emanating the security in which Danny was so use to cling to. He tried to speak, but realized the panic has stolen his voice too, so he breathed a big mouthful of air, and then another, and another, following the instructions and responding to his friend´s encouragement. He felt the towel being used to take the excess of water from his hair and to dry his face, shoulders and chest while he numbly and slowly was starting to regain his bearings. His vision and hearing normalizing, Danny took with trembling hands the towel by himself.

"Thanks. I´m ok now…" The low voice didn´t support his statement while Danny started to get up ant to cover him with the towel.

"Alright" Lou assisted him on getting out of the tub and made sure his friend didn´t slip on the wet floor. "What happened? You fell?"

"No, I think I kind of fainted…and went down"

"Did you hit yourself?"

"No, my legs buckled and I just sat there…" Danny couldn´t help the edge of irritability on his voice at having to explain everything as he let go of Lou´s hands when he stepped on the little mat placed by the sink.

"Ok" Convinced that Danny was now fine and with balance and not wanting to risk his friend losing his temper, Lou finally paid attention at the banging on the front door, which was becoming louder and louder as nobody opened it. "You finish drying yourself, I´m gonna go open the door before he brakes it".

As soon as Lou left the bathroom on a rushed jog to let Steve in, Danny reached and pushed the door closed, seeking for some privacy to finish his very personal task.


	34. Looking good

A/N: Thank you for reading!

Chapter 34: Looking good

When he knocked for the third time, Steve though he could feel the wood giving way under his strong knuckles. Finally hearing movement inside, he moved forward and accompanied the movement of the door when it opened. Impatient as always, he checked the living room with his hawk eyes and, not finding who he expected to be ready, he focused his attention for the first time on Lou, who, for Steve´s tranquility, was smiling, amused with the Commander´s restless reaction.

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Why didn´t you open the door right away?" Lou´s attempt to explain was cut by a series of new answers. "Is something wrong? Where´s Danny? Isn´t he ready yet?"

Steve vomited the questions all at once and as soon as he finished verbalizing his concerns they heard the bathroom door opening and immediately after, the bedroom door closing. Steve started moving towards the sound, but stopped when Lou grabbed his arm lightly and motioned him to follow him to the couch, where they sat. "Give him time on his own. Let´s try to let him do things at his own pace".

"Ok" Steve tried to read the situation. Definitely, something has happened. He could sense it on the air, on Lou´s statement, on his face and tone, on the fact that Danny was still not ready at the time established in which he was being picked up by his partner to go to the psychiatric consult. "What happened?" Straight to the point, Steve chose not to ramble between different hypotheses and asked directly to his friend to tell him whatever it was that has taken place.

Lou supported his elbows on his knees, placing both palms of his hands together while he explained Steve how he had helped Danny through his panic attack on the bathroom and how extended was the period of time their friend had spent under the water, previous to the fall down.

"Got hurt?"

"No, but his pride surely did, to not lose the habit".

Steve sighed, and leaned back on the couch. Rubbing his face and then resting his hands on his lap, he made a quickly confirmation of what they already knew: Danny´s mind will heal slower than his body. It would take time. And patience. And technique. Lou agreed with him and to support their suspicions he shared with Steve the moment in which Danny´s irritability, although with an effort to contain it, was at the verge of made him lose his temper in the bathroom. They conquered that it was due to the tiredness of being constantly watched over and in need of assistance. It was a challenge for them, because Danny needed help, but they had to learn how and when to provide it to help their friend and not interfere with his progress, or worse, made him go back. No matter how prepare the person was, nor how familiar with criminal cases it was due to work and experience, it was extremely difficult and painful to be the victim in first person. Definitely, Danny was going through a very personal and internal hell, induced by his severe prolonged traumatic experience and the present difficulty and slow progress to reinsert himself on his life. No matter how they were all supportive and constantly there, there were things only Danny knew and, for the moment, he chose to fight them alone. They respected that, and when the detective was ready to open up, they will be good listeners. But something deep down on Steve´s gut told him that he should be more prepared to face it whenever it came.

"I think it would be good and beneficial if we ask for a consult with Dr. Hale also. To know better how to help Danny". Steve proposed and the ex-swat captain agreed by silently nodding his head.

At the sound of a door opening, both concerned men straighten up and tried to act as if they had not been talking about Danny. Danny came from the corridor half supporting himself on the wall, but with a satisfied and content semi-smile on his face. Looking up to him, his friend´s faces draw the same smile when they saw the detective.

"Hey" Danny greeted his partner.

"Hey yourself" Steve got up, taking in the process the keys of the Camaro from the table. "Looking sharp, Detective" Steve smiled and approached him casually, to hide his true intention of assisting him when the wall ended and Danny had not the support of it anymore, offered him a fist bump, which was answered, and then tapped him on the back. After months of disheveled and untidy appearance, Danny had managed to achieve looking good and presentable. Sporting a fresh shave and his recent haircut neatly combed and sprayed as his old self did, Danny had dressed with his usual light striped shirt, dark slacks and his black shoes with laces. He was definitely, judging by his attitude, pleased with himself about the result and it could be sensed that a bit of self-confidence was back. The only difference with months before was his thinner build, but with time and work it was solvable.

The long shower and his later effort to get ready ended up taking its toll on Danny´s body. Leaving the aid of the wall, he didn´t have an option but to reach and look for Steve´s support, who luckily, or maybe not by coincidence, was walking beside him. Steve was surprised when Danny asked for his help to be able to reach and sit on the wheelchair placed near the entrance door. Many times before, the detective had avoided using it, vehemently making his point against it. But the truth was that no other distance he had walked before was as long as this one and done after being so tired. He had just moved inside his house for short time and with the help of furniture and walls, as well as when he had gone to the barbershop. But now, the Camaro was not parked on the garage but on the street, and the distance was considerable for his weakened legs. The mere fact of thinking about walking over there made Danny´s legs feel like rubber, so he silently guided a surprised Steve towards the wheelchair and managed to sit without much explanation and giving the others the liberty to conjecture as they pleased. His mind was already starting to get nervous again, not desiring to go to the hospital and talk to his doctor. But, not having any room for another option, he just rested his back on the chair as he was wheeled out towards his car and his heart started to hammer louder with anticipation, while Lou locked the door and parted ways with them.


	35. Dr Hale s office

A/N: Thank you for reading!

Chapter 35: Dr. Hale´s office

Danny sat on the large armchair at his psychiatrist office within the hospital. The secretary has allowed him to wait inside while the doctor arrived. Apparently, due to his delay, Dr. Hale occupied his time with another patient somewhere, evidently not here, so now Danny had to wait a little. Cross-legged, his body was quiet but his hands danced nervously above his lap, alternating between crisscrossing its fingers; pinching the slacks material or adjusting nervously the rolled up sleeves, among many other things. The wait was making Danny increasingly anxious, and the consequent quicker blood flow was making his head start to pound. Danny checked and accommodated his hair for the hundredth time, without any need to do so, and then went again to accommodate the folded sleeves of his shirt. Self-conscious of what he was doing, he placed his hands quietly on his lap. Almost instantly, as his hands stilled, Danny un-crossed his legs and then started bouncing them up and down. It was like it was inevitably for him to not relieve the tension through some movement, if not through his hands, through his legs. Danny stilled his nervous maneuvers to pay more attention when he heard someone talking outside the room. It was his partner´s voice, and then Dr. Hale´s, talking back to him. He couldn´t determine what they were talking about no matter how hard he tried to focus his hearing.

Steve sat a few feet away from Danny, but outside the closed-door, on one of the fancy leather-covered chairs of the waiting area of the psychiatric ward of the hospital. There were other people sitting nearby, waiting for theirs appointments with other physicians on the adjacent wooden doors. His partner has just been with him sitting by his side, but about twenty minutes ago, due to his increasing anxiety, Steve has asked the secretary if Danny could wait inside the office, where nobody looked nor watched him to recognize if he was the famous kidnapped detective or not.

Steve smiled apologetically to the secretary when she caught his eyes falling upon her for the hundred times.

"He´ll be here in any moment. I notified him that you´ve arrived". She smiled back, with understandment written on his middle-aged features.

"That´s ok" Steve cursed himself for letting his impatience act like if he was demanding the doctor to arrive now. But the truth was that he actually was internally demanding that. He knew that by now Danny would be walking on the walls and he suppressed the urge to step inside the office. Instead, he took a deep soundless breath and fixed his eyes on the beautiful scenery he could admire through the window of the third floor, where the psychiatric ward is located. The elegance of the tall palm trees was clouded by the thought of Danny´s impatience and the speed in which his mind must be going. Steve somehow regretted asking and encouraging him to wait alone in the office. He was about to get up and check on him when the elevator door opened on the corridor and the doctor approached, taking long steps on a hurried pace. After briefly talking with his secretary, Dr. Hale approached Steve with his hand extended and a smile half hiding below his mustache and beard.

"Doc" Steve reached and shared a very strong handshake with him.

"Sorry for the delay, Commander"

"The delay was ours, I believe" The doctor waved away his apology, but before he could reach the door to get to his patient, Steve hurried to ask. "Hey Doc., we were thinking… Danny´s friends… if we could get a consult with you too, you know, to know how to handle some things, to prepare ourselves…"

Dr. Hale halted and looked at him, nodding his agreement. "Very well, very well." He gave his total attention to Steve, took a few seconds to think and then added. "I think it's very appropriate and the right thing to do. I consider it will be beneficial for everyone" Dr. Hale smiled. Steve could tell the doctor considered the idea to be very good. "Make an appointment with my secretary right away" Steve nodded and headed towards the secretary´s desk while the doctor reassumed his entrance to his office to avoid dilating his appointment and make the detective more impatient that he should already be.

The door handle went down and Danny straightened up on the armchair, subconsciously passing his hands through his hair again and then fixing the over fixed rolled up sleeves. At the sound of the door opening and the noise of his blood stream on his ears went up, almost blocking the clacking of the doctor´s shoes coming his way. Heart hammering quickly and loudly, Danny sensed that he couldn´t hide his nervousness and insecurity from the highly experienced psychiatric as the tall bearded doctor approached him and he, with shaking legs and sweaty hands, stood up to greet him.

Entering the room, these particular gestures of evident nervousness were the first thing Dr. Hale noticed on his patient with his highly trained eyes which sometimes involuntary checked all this reactions. Only then, he focused on Danny´s appearance. The detective was very neat, elegant, with clean clothes and a very stylish haircut. Dr. Hale didn´t saw him like this before, other than in a few photos he had asked Steve to show him of his partner before the kidnapping. Every time he had visited him on the hospital, Danny had always been on bed or sitting in his room, rather disheveled or with minimal effort or resources to look like he was looking now. Dr. Hale presumed those where his working clothes, and the ones in which he felt the most confident with.

Dr. Hale closed the door and proceeded to cut the fifteen feet that separated them. It was a big office, and Danny felt analyzed already by his doctor as the tall physician approached him. Truth to be told was that Danny wasn´t being paranoid. In fact, Dr. Hale actually made a quick examination while making those long steps before reaching Danny´s side and gives him a strong handshake, as strong as the one he had shared with Steve a minute ago.

"Sorry for making you wait, Danny" He clasped his shoulder and motioned him to sit on the armchair again, while he made his way around the wooden desk to sit on his leather chair.

"That´s ok" Danny sat, kind of rigidly, and crossed his legs. Placing his hands together he interlaced his fingers and rubbed them nervously against each other. Dr. Hale smiled to him, and before also sitting down, he went to open the blinds of the big window behind him to let the beautiful cloudless sky made its appearance and soothe away some of Danny´s nervousness with its calm light blue color. Finally taking his seat, the doctor found the same color on Danny´s eyes, which, absorbing all the light, were contemplating the width of the window before focusing again on his doctor´s calm dark ones.

Danny hadn´t noticed the big window before. He had counted more than four times the thirty three diplomas and certificates hanging on fancy wooden frames from the walls, and also had checked out with his sight the ridiculously high amount of books placed apparently on alphabetical order on a big bookcase that reached the roof. On his spare time, Danny´s mind had tried to avoid thinking about opening up and he found himself wondering about evasive topics, like if Dr. Hale had any family and who took the time to tide up and clean the office. Everything was so neat. Maybe, he thought, there were patients with phobias towards disorder and the doctor required his office to look this way. Danny had also made mental notice of everything the doctor had above his desk. No family photos, nothing personal, just a closed notebook; publicity of medicines and drug labs; calendars; some discreet ornaments and two opened boxes of tissues, at the patients reach. As the neatly bookcase and the frames on the wall, the distribution of the things above the desk was impeccable.

But his safe place of mental ramblings was over now that their eyes met, and Danny prayed he wouldn´t have to use those tempting tissues strategically placed in front of him.


	36. The right decision

A/N: Thank you very very much for the reviews. They keep me going! :)

Chapter 36: The right decision

"Ok Danny" Dr. Hale chose to break the ice while he opened his laptop and searched for some files. "Tell me, how was your homecoming? It has been a couple of days now, and we kind of miss you here" The doctor smiled and tried to make this the most enjoyable as possible for the nervous man sitting in front of him.

Danny´s lips went up, forming a shy smile to reward his doctor´s joke. "It was very nice. They threw me a little party with my kids in my house …"

Dr. Hale nodded, thoughtful. "Not that I overdid it" Danny hastened to clarify, because that day he had been on the verge of being denied the release due to an anxiety attack. "I actually fell asleep on the couch in the middle of it".

The psychiatrist laughed, and some of Danny´s tension left his shoulders as he saw that the doctor didn´t seem upset but instead made an amused mock and teased him about being boring. Both had laughed and Dr. Hale´s purpose of breaking the ice had been accomplished.

"And these first days, how are you feeling? Is someone staying with you?"

"Steve´s staying with me"

"Ok, that´s good. That's good." After a pause, he inquired: "And how do you feel having someone staying with you?"

Danny thought for a minute. The fact was that without his friends, he highly doubted he would even get out of bed. "It helps me…a lot" Only receiving a nod as response, Danny understood he had to extend his answer a bit more. "They help me through the panic attacks…"

"Do they happen often?" Dr. Hale inquired seriously as he busied himself writing something on his laptop at the same time he paid attention to the detective.

Danny changed his position on the armchair, sitting himself further back, as if looking for additional support. "Once a day for sure… always. And almost every day two times. Sometimes three and, sometimes I woke up in the middle of one".

Big admission about a very painful reality.

"Ok Danny, before we continue, I would like to have a little chat with you about our meetings. We have been seeing each other since you arrived here at the hospital for the first time, and I´m very deep embedded on your situation and what has happened to you, of course on the length in which you chose to share, as well as the progress you´ve been achieving this past months. The idea is, and for this we don´t want to impose to you but instead that you choose it freely, to continue meeting and doing a progressive and profound therapy in which you can share and talk about whatever you want to in order to start to overcome this PTSD that you have right now. I never told you this before, but I specialize in cases like yours with people with different kind of traumas, so, you see, you´re neither the only nor the first one." Danny´s focus was completely on what the doctor was saying, trying to understand where he intended to go. So, Dr. Hale continued. "Again, of course, I don´t want you to come here obligated, that´s not the best of the ideals to do such long term therapy. You are free to choose, but in order to determine your decision please consider all the process you´ve been doing and where you´re at. I personally consider, according with what you have been through, that's very important, if not essential, that you continue with the psychiatric therapy. Also, I´ll be able to see and determine if you would need the aid of some kind of medicine. But for that it´s very important to continue with a progressive and ongoing basis of meetings." Dr. Hale knew for a fact that he´d prescribe Danny some pills, but he chose to deliver the fact to him with subtlety. Danny kept paying him the same attention, and it was obvious his brain was going miles an hour. He continued. "So, you come here today because your partner arranged an appointment for you, because that´s what we´ve discussed when you were still hospitalized, but now, we really need it to be you the one that makes this his own choice. Of course, we can´t force you to do it. So, Danny, what do you think?" Before the detective could begin to formulate a glimpse of an answer, the physician added something to his speech, something he apparently didn´t want to left unspoken. "I really need you to understand, and I repeat my though here, that according with your case it´s rather essential to, sooner or later, cope with what you´ve experienced".

The doctor finally made a pause. On his effort to make Danny realize that he needed to continue with the therapy, he couldn´t stop talking.

Danny´s hands were attached to each other, fingers interlaced and almost white due to the strength that he was applying. His blue eyes where big, and at some moments lost the doctor´s dark ones during the speech but then returned to focus on them, like when he heard the word ´medicine´ and when he heart that coming here was, actually, his own choice.

"So, I have a say on this? It´s my choice to come?" Moved by the need to free his crumpled and trampled will, that for months have been subdued to what others said, Danny blinked slowly, at the same time as he saw his doctor nodding at a slower pace. Danny smiled, falling into account of something he seemed to have forgotten. He was a free man, nobody could tell him what to do, of where to go. But as the smile came, it left, leaving a bitter taste on his mouth. What kind of free man needed the permanent presence of his friend to feel safe; what king of free and independent man woke up screaming almost every night; what kind of self-dependent man needed to be picked up from a tub and assisted after completely blocking out while taking a shower? Danny lowered his head, looking at his scarred hands and wrists. He was no bounded to a bed anymore, and his friends, nor his doctors, could force him to do something he didn't want to. But the reality was that, although not bounded physically, his soul felt trapped and his mind still hurt with dreadful and dark memories. Danny was no dumb, he was an intelligent man and he knew he needed help, and a lot of healing. So, although he had a mental breakdown for having to prepare for this meeting, he was completely aware that if he wanted to heal, he needed to go through this; he needed to confront his natural desire to keep what has happened just to him. But he also knew that he also could not think only on himself. Maybe, if he was alone, he would permit himself to crawl into bed and remain on a fetal position under the covers or lost himself on the land of drinks, but there were his kids. He could not let them down. He could not give up, for them. In that instant, Danny resolved he would face the fear of coming and opening up in order to spare his children to see their dad crumble and fall. And not only for Grace and Charlie, but also for Steve, his loyal friend who had been at his side 24/7; his friends, his family, and everybody that, until now, has been there at his side making sure he stayed with his head above the water.

Danny´s hands started trembling, and a cold sweat started forming on its palms and on his forehead and neck. Oh God, not now. The fear of the oncoming panic attack, which always warned of his coming with a noisy blood stream circulation and changes of temperature alongside a copious sweat, was almost as bad as the panic attack itself. With hands shaking due to trepidation, Danny managed to unbutton the top of his shirt and then cleaned his forehead from sweat with the back of his shaking hand. Damn it. The mere thought of his decision to continue with the therapy sessions put him on the verge of an attack. He lifted his sight when he heard a noise in front of him. Dr. Hale went to the water dispenser and filled up a glass, placing it at Danny´s reach on the desk. Danny had been so focused on his thoughts and feelings and in making the decision that he had blocked everything out and hadn´t heard the doctor moving around. Danny quickly grabbed the armchair´s armrests when he felt the doctor lowering the back of the seat, to recline him a few inches more and unintentionally a scared grump escaped his lips.

"Relax, lean back and leave some tension off your body, breathe deeply and let it out slowly. Everything is fine. You don´t need to do anything. Just concentrate on yourself".

Danny took three deep breaths as told and opened his eyes. He found the glass of water in front of his mouth so he opened and allowed the bigger man to assist him on taking a few sips of the cool and crystal liquid. Feeling vulnerable, Danny tried to sit up straight but the doctor applied pressure on his shoulders, obliging him to maintain the position.

"I need to sit up please…" Danny´s plea made on a scared voice took the doctor by surprise, so he apologized and returned the armchair to a straight position right away.

"Sorry Danny, take your time, keep your breathing into account and relax. Everything is fine" At the soothing voice, Danny closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the armchair. Dr. Hale returned to his seat and busied himself on his laptop, surely writing about the incident.

"I want to do the therapy, continue…" Danny´s voice was broken, leaving at clear sight his scared and vulnerable soul. He took a deep breath. Making this decision was, obviously, against of what his heart and mind desired. It was evident that he had thought on others to make it. It was very brave and the doctor smiled compassionately and breathed a silent deep breath in for himself, because the detective took the right choice. Leaning forward and leaning his forearms on his desk, Dr. Hale smiled and encouraged his deflated patient "Congratulations Danny. You´ve made the right choice"

Danny felt some tension go away from his chest. This doctor knew him, and his approval was apparently important to him. He knew this doctor wasn´t judging him on the panic attack issue, because they had done this same thing before, on his hospital room. Dr. Hale knew about them and it was good, because now he was here to treat them and get better.

Dearing to open his eyes, Danny found the dark eyes fixed on his.

"Sorry about that, I couldn't help it"

"I don´t want to hear that word again here. Understand?"

Danny nodded, acknowledging what the doctor meant.

"As I said Danny, it´s the right decision. I´m glad you choose to continue with the consults" His light tone helped Danny made sure that he had taken the right choice, besides the doctor telling him so, and he relaxed a little bit more.

"Ok, so we´re going to go easy, we don´t need to rush anything. I want you to understand that the pace will be yours, the one you choose, no pressures"

"Ok" Danny felt relieved, and allowed himself a shy smile.

"Ok". The doctor copied Danny´s response and smile, and then added. "Due to the amount of medicines you´ve been prescribed while hospitalized we, I mean Dr. Kalama and I, agreed in that moment that we could not overload you on drugs. But now that you´re out of sedatives and stuff, I´ll like to prescribe you a pill to help you deal with your PTSD, to help you battle the panic attacks which are a result and a cruel overcome of the trauma you´ve suffered. It´ll help you through anxiety and also help you to strengthen and ease up your sleep as well. You ok with it?"

Danny´s mind knew this was coming. He´ll be on meds now. Just great. But he also knew that he needed them, because his mind kept blocking out, kept fighting him and he needed help dealing with it; because his strength was coming short and he didn´t want to be a victim of his own troubled thoughts anymore.

"Yes, I´m ok with it" His response was automatic, empty of any enthusiasm or emotion, as he had not choice but to agree, as if he had fallen on a place in which he knew he would fall sooner or later. His glassy eyes followed the pen as it drew almost unintelligibly words on a prescription sheet. Danny´s body shook when the doctor strongly put on the stamp and then scribbled his big signature on top of it, own of a great personality. Danny blinked his focused stare away and, before the doctor looked at him while handing him the prescription, he quickly dried away the tear that loosened itself from his long eyelashes and then rolled down his recently shaved cheek.


	37. When to be sorry

A/N: Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

Chapter 37: When to be sorry

Steve pushed the glass door and left the pharmacy and crossed the street on a light trot towards the parked Camaro. On his left hand he held a paper bag which contained the prescribed pills for Danny. They had stopped their trip back home from the hospital to get the indicated medication. The commander knew, as soon as Danny left Dr. Hale´s office with the prescription that he would be the one going to the pharmacy, but he hadn't volunteered right away but chose to let Danny take the initiative.

As they neared the location of the open pharmacy on the same road Steve had taken, Danny thought his partner had probably made it on purpose, so he knew that if he didn´t ask now he would be asked. He decided to spare his friend the awkward broken of the silence and instead he suddenly asked on a dull voice.

"Would you buy this for me?" Moving the paper near Steve for him to see; he then lowered his hand to rest on his leg and kept his sight fixed on the stamped little sheet. He hated himself for not being capable of going to buy his own damn medicine, but he consciously tried to cut himself some slack and so he calmed down, justified with the idea of not being able to stand and walk long distances. Actually, that´s why they had a wheelchair neatly folded on the trunk.

"Of course I would" Steve response stole him away from his pitiful thoughts and coming back to his senses, Danny realized they were already parked below a three shadow and Steve was already off the seatbelt. Next, the prescription was taken from his hand and the driver´s door opened. "I´ll be right back" and his partner was off, closing the door gently. At least something has happened perfectly today: the pharmacy happened to be in the right place at the right time. Danny chuckled, alone in the car. Resting his head on the head support of the seat, he looked outside the window towards a near park, where kids and toddlers were playing and their moms or nannies were sitting nearby. He smiled, and then he closed his eyes, shutting himself away from the reality. They should be keeping this island safe, for these kids and their families and no parking outside a pharmacy buying pills for a traumatized useless cop. Steve was the best of the best. His task-force was the elite, and they were wasting all their time and resources away on taking care of him. At that instant, Danny despised himself and didn't bother to move or look at his partner as he reentered the car and placed the paper bag on the dashboard.

"Here you go buddy" Steve smiled but then stopped a moment to contemplate Danny´s turned away face, considering if his partner had fallen asleep or not. As his friend took a shuddering deep breath, Steve realized he was actually awake, but evidently not desiring any human contact. Respecting his wish, he started the engine and drove the rest of the way home.

Standing, leaning on the counter on Danny´s kitchen while he waited for the food to finish heating up, Steve read the indications Dr. Hale has written, referring how and when Danny should take the pills. He read it for a second time to make sure he interpreted well the awful handwriting. Reaching for the medicine bottle, he took one pill out. Steve placed it on the plate where he´d put Danny´s food. The paper read at night, with the dinner, that´s what it said. Returning his sight to the microwave, where Renee´s delicious food was circling slowly inside, Steve thought about these afternoon events, or better said, about the almost uneventful afternoon. After the silent drive back, he couldn´t avoid Danny to going straight to bed and disappear below the sheets. He couldn´t convince him to eat lunch or even take a light tea with water biscuits. He hadn´t even tried to make him open up. All he had found out, apart from the prescription of pills, was that the therapy will continue, much for his peace of mind, and that Danny has had a panic attack during the session. After those short explanations Danny had shut down completely, verbally and physically, sleeping restlessly for the rest of the day. Lou have come over and brought the nutritious food for the night. His wife´s big heart made its appearance in very nice food form, for which all tired and worn men were very thankful. The big Chicago man stayed and was now busy on the task of getting Danny up and seated on the dinner table, not a very simple duty, but he has volunteered to do it and so he let Steve alone in the kitchen, where they had spent most of the afternoon talking, thinking ideas and determining the most adequate steps to follow. Steve had shared with him what has happened at the doctor´s and how Danny has avoided talking or looking at him afterwards. So, Lou knew exactly what to expect, and that´s exactly what he found upon entering Danny´s bedroom.

After leaving the car parked on the street outside his house, Danny reluctantly sat on the wheelchair and let Steve take him inside. It was only noon, but he recognized he was beat, more mentally than physically, but it reverberated in the same way. First, the tragic scene at the shower; then the push up of feeling good with the result of his elegant appearance; then the enormous anxiety during the drive to the hospital and waiting for the doctor; then the second panic attack of the day with his doctor; then the shocking news of his medication; and then the unfounded but still devastating feeling of not deserving his friends time and care, he even felt for a moment that he didn´t deserved their love. He knew, deep down, that it wasn´t truth, but the feeling of a knife embedded on his heart was there nonetheless. He felt disgustingly bad for blocking Steve out and not talking to him since they left the pharmacy, but the internal battle he was fighting between his troubled mind and his feelings was the only thing in which he could put his strength on. After they had entered the house, Steve had went back to the car to retrieve the bottle of pills left in the dashboard, and when he came back, Danny was no longer sitting on the wheelchair. It was on the same place, but his partner was not. He could see Danny disappearing through the corridor, towards his bedroom. After locking the front door and placing the paper bag on the little table by the wall, Steve had followed him and found his friend sitting on the side of the bed. _´Hey, don´t we eat something first. I´m kind of starving you know? Aren´t you hungry?´_ Steve had tried to prevent Danny from burring himself bellow the covers right away, but he had failed. _´Please let me sleep Steve´._ Those were the last words the commander had heard from Danny. _´Ok´._ Steve had gone back from his mental decision of making Danny wait to sleep when he heard his friend saying ´please´. It meant that Danny was on his last thread of strength and capability of remaining centered. At the risk of eliciting the third panic attack of the day and not wanting to put Danny through it, he had allowed his friend to have his way. This was something he would ask Dr. Hale next Thursday, when he would have his appointment with Danny´s psychiatrist.

Danny had been unable to move, like cemented and paralyzed on the bed. He was unfoundedly scared by his thoughts and the fear that produced having to share his feelings. It was like a paradox, he didn´t wanted to burden his friends but he was not even able to lie down on the bed. He had hated himself so much then, when Steve approached and, taking his rigid hands with his strong ones and forcing them to open and loose its deadly grip on the sheets. Danny had then despised himself when his friend had then helped him come back from wherever place his mind had wandered. Steve had smiled without being able to hide his sorrow when finally Danny´s troubled eyes came back to reality, and the detective had finally ceased his resistance and, without being able to stop the silent tears that rolled down his face, allowed his partner to take his shoes off and help him to lie down and cover him up. Steve hadn´t even suggested him changing his clothes, to spare his friend from a task that he was sure would have buried Danny on a much darker place. Steve knew his friend. Although they were transiting new and unexplored terrains, Danny was Danny, and Steve had an itch that this behavior had a lot to do with the detective´s desire to not bother his loved ones with his constant dependence. Also, Danny apologized for almost everything, and tried to do the things on his own.

Steve guessed that this has been another kind of panic attack, which manifested itself by not letting Danny move, while his mind fought with his foes on his own, somewhere else. It had taken the need to implement new strategies to ease Danny off and free from the cruel claws of his torture. Steve had left the bedroom with lips and jaw tight with anger at the unfairness of what Danny had to be going through. He left when he was sure his partner was asleep, fully clothed and hiding his head between his arms, but asleep.

Danny had fallen asleep due to exhaustion more than because he was on a calm state which called him to sleep and disappear through a peaceful land of dreams. His heart hammered erratically and painfully and his mind was a prisoner of negative thoughts that didn´t allow him to believe that he was good enough for receiving all the help and care he was receiving. He had gone to sleep despising himself, thinking his friends would be better now if he had actually died during his captivity and not having to deal with his traumatized ass; thinking Grace and Charlie would grow up better remembering their strong and cheerful father rather than having to deal with their dad´s struggles; thinking everyone would be living their lives by now and not having to be stuck with him and his necessities. Danny had gone to sleep not being able to contain the silent tears that followed those which Steve had dried with so much care and compassion. His friend, oh how he deserved so much more than having to be doing this. How his heart ached for not being able at the moment to heal quicker. Danny had gone to sleep self-conscious that this wasn´t, during the last for months, the first time that he had gone to sleep crying. But his crying always had had another reason, another motive. While captive, he cried mostly for being able to regain his freedom; while hospitalized, he cried at the helplessness of not thinking he could ever get better. But now, he felt trapped again, and alone. Not because his friends and family wasn´t there, but because, mentally, he wanted them to continue with their lives and stop having trouble and heartaches because of him. He didn´t want to be the reason why his friend´s lives stilled.

Two times had Danny previously woken up during that afternoon. The first time he came back because of a loud and near honk from the street brought him back. He had taken the opportunity to get the belt released and off along with his slacks, which he had thrown on the floor at the side of the bed. Sleeping with clothes was highly uncomfortable, and somehow it reminded a little his imprisonment. The second time he woke up was due to the loud sound of a knocking on the front door. He had paid a little attention and heard Steve talking with someone. He made almost sure it was Lou, and when the voices had disappeared in the distance he had managed to get rid of the annoying shirt, which was making him hot and strangled and have covered with the sheet up to his nose, disappearing almost completely from sight.

And now, waking up again, he found that it was already dark and the lights from the street made its way through the windows and curtains. He groggily considered about what had woken him up this time when he almost jumped as a big figure moved and turned the night lamp on at the side of his bed.

"Hey Danny" Lou´s calm voice addressed him and brought the sleepy man a bit further awake. Rubbing his eyes to clear them and at the same time to protect them from the bright yellow light of his lamp, Danny sunk further on the pillows.

"Hi" His hoarse voice was a somatization of his aching heart. But, actually, the hours of sleep had done him very good. He had been really tired and seeing everything dark, but now he felt more renewed and a bit more at ease. Nonetheless, he didn´t attempt to move.

"Come on Danny, I bet you must be hungry. I have brought some of Renee´s specialties, nobody could say no to that, and I´m sure you´ll not be the first one" Lou smiled as he noticed the change in Danny´s attention. The truth was that he was starving, plus it was Renee´s cooking. Danny cringed inwardly. His pitiful state managed to reach his friends families and personal lives as well. Danny looked at Grover´s kind face.

"I´m sorry" There it was, again, as Steve said, Danny apologizing.

"What for? You just woke up and hadn´t said anything yet. Give yourself time to say something stupid and then you apologize" Lou ended his phrase with a typical laugh of his while he took the opportunity that the lighted mood he had created provided and he pulled the sheets back and offered Danny a hand to sit up. They were used on pushing the detective out of bed and making him get up and face life.

"Come on buddy" Lou maintained Danny´s doubtful look with a firm and intently gaze while still offering his stretched hand. The big man sighed with enormous relief when his friend took his hand and between the two of them, the still thin detective got up and made his way to the bathroom. While he was busy there, Grover picked up the discarded clothes by the bed, throw them on the laundry basket and then looked for fresh clothes for Danny to put on. Then they would go to the dining room to eat the food his wife had prepared and that Steve was in that moment heating up.


	38. Numbness

A/N: Thank you very much for reading and taking the time to leave a review!

Chapter 38: Numbness

The fork was left at the side of the almost empty plate by a numb feeling hand. The food was delicious, but he really couldn't´ finish it. He was complete, and besides, a strange tinkling feeling started to make his senses loose its sharpness. The same hand that had just put the fork aside took a paper napkin and went up to clean its owner´s mouth, while the other hand grabbed the side of the chair with almost too much and exaggerated force. But Danny was unsecure about this numbness, and he expected a wave of dizziness to hit him at any moment now. With effort, he achieved to successfully bring a too heavy glass of water to his mouth and then back down to the table. Closing his eyes for a few seconds at the sudden increase of the tickling and numbness that took him by surprise, he paid more attention to the heaviness of his legs and arms and sensed how his brain stopped plaguing him with dark thoughts and stress. The pills were good, he thought. But just a minute later he reconsidered and agreed with his numb limbs about them being too strong as he sank further down on the chair. Maybe he was still too light on weight for the amount of medication he has been given. Maybe he should part the pill on two and take only half at a time. But the doctor has prescribed one full with dinner, he was an experienced professional, he should know, and he himself should trust him.

Danny blinked sluggishly and, without much focus, saw that his abandoned plate along with everything on the dinner table was being cleared off. When a face appeared in front of him, he made an effort to look at it without squinting, due to its proximity.

"Hey buddy. Are you ok?" Steve´s features expressed amusement at his partner´s apparent high appearance, but his eyes couldn't hide the ever present worry and compassion.

"I´m great" Danny´s voice was low and dragged, and he blinked slowly again, making Steve´s teeth visible as he couldn´t avoid a big amused smile. It wasn´t his intention to take his friend´s involuntary state for fun, he didn´t wanted to be smiling when his partner had just open them his heart at dinner, so he forced himself to lose his grin as he straighten up and started to move Danny´s chair backwards to help him leave the table. Danny´s hold on the wood intensified, as he wanted desperately to grab something when he felt his chair moving and he thought he could fall. But a firm grab came to his rescue, and he found his center again while fighting against his too heavy eyelids.

"Come on partner. You feel like lying down?"

"I´m too tired, that pill killed me off"

"Ok then, you´re off to bed" Steve nodded his thanks to Lou, who brought the wheelchair to them from the living room and then went to the kitchen again after making sure he could be more useful with the dishes as Steve seemed to have the situation in control. Lou couldn´t hide his own smile. It was a smile of relief, because during dinner, Danny has opened up a little and shared with them his fear and the heavy weigh he was dealing with at having to ´burden´ them with his constant dependence. ´Burden´. That was the word Danny said at least ten times tonight when he couldn't hide his aching heart from them anymore and the silence in which he had been immersed all day was finally broken when his inside pain escaped through his mouth. That way, they discovered that Danny´s own personal and private internal hell was also plagued with a guilty feeling of being bothering everyone and, above that, of not being worthy of the others care and time. Danny feels he is a burden every time he needs someone to give him a ride to his doctor´s appointments; he feels he is a burden every time his traumatized mind scares him like hell waking him screaming from nightmares or in vivid memories while awake; at those moments he feels he is a tremendous burden when he is able to see the terror reflexed on his friend´s faces while trying to calm him down. He feels he is a burden every-time he is engulfed in a very warm and firm hug, although he knows he really needed every one of them. His heart feels the weight of being a burden every time his partner has to wait outside his bathroom door just in case he needs assistance; every time he has to be checked if he eats enough or not; every time he needs to be helped with his PT sessions at home; when his legs are not strong enough to take him long distances and he needs someone pushing his wheelchair. But Danny feels the pain of the burden mostly when his kids inadvertently avoid doing something they love to spare him the bitter taste of not being able to keep up with them. In those days, after Grace and Charlie leave, he usually goes directly to bed because that time he is a burden to himself, and the weight of it is too much to bear.

Danny had developed this heavy weight on his shoulders since the very beginning of his recuperation at the hospital, when he needed to be spoon-fed; bathed and cleaned even on his most private and personal areas; when he needed his teeth to be brushed and was helped to lean forward to do his miserable impression of a spit. When he needed his nose to be cleaned with tissues and swabs and his eyes to be delicately washed at mornings after waking up because his hands were useless and he couldn't even take care of the more basic needs. When his face was shaved by his caring nurse's hands and his damp and scented hair was combed sideways and then combed again backwards by his friends. When his body was handled and moved side to side and his sore and hurtful backside was washed and rinsed and soothed with creams; when he had to endure the torture of the cures of his hands and wrists. When he couldn´t do anything by himself, even dry his own tears which fall liberally and made their way down his neck, on a very uncomfortable way if nobody stopped them before.

All that was not the cause, but it contributed enormously with Danny feeling unworthy of everything; unworthy of the fond smiles his family and friends, and even doctors, gave to him; unworthy of their attentions and their every-time disposition. Even unworthy of their love and affection. This was the harder on him, because after being left caged with minimal attention during three long months and treated with indifference and even contempt, he was desperate for love and affection. The number made on his head kept tricking him, and he was tired of it. He was frustrated, and the frustration made him shut out and fall back. He hated everything of it, and also he hated himself.

But tonight, during dinner, his friends were astute enough to coax him to overcome his fears and his self-hate, and spit out his rotten feelings. So he shared with them these anguishing thoughts, and he was rewarded with his friends being more on point of his situation and therefore, they ended up a bit relieved because he had opened up and they now have more material to work on and help him. Danny could sense the fact that their friends were ´happier´ with him just opening up like he had, sharing what was troubling him and had kept him from talking all day. He could sense it on their relieved smiles, but as they talked to him and assured him there was no need to feel guilty and ashamed, Danny realized that he wasn´t very much less unworthy, nor feeling less burden. As their friends tenderly and affectionately squeezed his forearms to reassure him of their commitment to him because they loved him and that they would be like dead if they hadn´t found him, if he wouldn´t be with them, Danny found it nice that they could express their feelings to him and therefore feel relieved that both parts shared their hearts to each other, but he couldn´t change the self-despised perception he had developed in just one talk.

So as the meal was finishing and the talk was over, having Steve and Lou tried to almost desperately made him realize that the reason because they and everyone was doing his share on helping him was because they loved him and couldn´t live without him, the pill was still there, untouched, where Steve had left it prepared at the side of Danny´s plate. The detective had caught his partner looking at it several times during the dinner. The five-0 leader didn´t want directly to command Danny what to do, but he would have no choice if his friend keep ignoring it and didn´t take it. But he breathed relieved when Danny picked it up and saved him from having to ask him to do so. Danny kept eating but couldn't finish his plate as numbness hit him, hard. A few minutes later he was being wheeled back to his bedroom in a cloudy-like environment.

With effort and in the same foggy and numb state, he managed to take care of his business in the bathroom and freshen up a little, brush his teeth and try to clear his eyes with cold water, the latest with not avail at all. His sight kept clouded, and he grabbed the sink, feeling how his hands slightly trembled, as well as his legs. Danny considered it was wise to go lie down as soon as possible, to avoid falling, so he limped his exit from the bathroom and towards his awaiting and inviting comfortable bed. The bedding was neat, and folded back so he just needed to directly lie down. Someone has made his bed and now opened it for him, but neither of his friends was in the room. He was grateful for the privacy as it allowed him to get rid of the sweat pants, which tight waistband was already feeling too tight and uncomfortable. It´s not like his friends hadn´t seen him in his underwear before, Lou just did it about an hour ago, or even maybe naked when he was still out of the world of consciousness and awareness, but now, every minute of privacy was very much appreciated by his healing soul and pride. With the last thread of strength, he managed to lie down and bury his face on the soft pillows, grabbing the beddings and covering himself up to his neck. Immediately, he was out without any difficulty and on his way to a nightmare-less land of dreams.


	39. Pity

A/N: Thank you for your continue support. Please review!

Chapter 39: Pity

Danny lifted his head up, abandoning his mental rambling and his eyes found Dr. Hale´s dark ones again. "Sorry" He apologized and straightened up a little on the leather armchair as he tried to focus again on the conversation they were having before he disconnected from the present, for the third time during his consult.

"That´s ok" The doctor´s calm voice soothed his compressing chest. "Remember you can share with me whatever bothers you, that way we can find ways to cope and heal, together"

"I know. I´m sorry" Danny knew that, and he didn't disconnect on purpose.

The doctor smiled. Danny had been told a thousand times not to apologize. Looking at his patient´s lost appearance, he chose not to repeat it again and instead he tried to help him out remembering him the topic they were talking about a few minutes back.

"About that feeling of being a burden to others you were telling me, it was an excellent thing that you could share it with your friends. Could you think about, perhaps, a reason because you feel like that?" Dr. Hale had to dig every answer deep. This patient, according with antecedents of what he was told Danny was like before his kidnapping, had totally been depersonalized by his trauma.

Danny´s eyes looked straight ahead, his sight getting lost on a random item on Dr. Hale´s desk.

"Danny?" The blue eyes focused again, unreadable and not giving away the slightest hunch of what he would say next.

"I should have died there".

The doctor´s only reaction to the shocking admission was to blink. He was really skilled and good at his job. He waited, to give Danny room and time to elaborate more. He didn´t, so he inquired.

"Why Danny? Why should have you died there?"

After a long pause in which the doctor thought he had lost Danny again on the land of mental ramblings, his patient chose to spit out his thoughts.

"Because it would be easier for everyone. Everyone would have resumed and continued on with their lives by now, not stuck with me"

Surprisingly, Danny´s sight was not lowered nor evasive, but kept looking straight in Dr. Hale´s eyes, as if daring him to contradict him, or, on the contrary, begging him to do so.

"Do you really believe that everyone would be feeling better now if you have died? If they had found your dead body or not found you at all? Do you really believe that?"

Danny´s hands started rubbing each other again, nervously, and his legs bouncing up and down. "I don´t know. Maybe?" Danny hated how lost he sounded, hated his voice and hated the feeling that he sounded as if he was doubting his family and friends. He knew that they would be living a hell if he hadn´t been found alive and that they would never recuperate from that and be the same persons again, and that his partner and the whole team would blame themselves for the eternity. "No, I don´t believe that" Danny rectified his saying, rubbing his face with his palms and exhaling a frustrated sigh, his doctor´s eyes giving him the confidence to reveal his true feelings.

"Take your time. Find your own pace" He was reminded again, so Danny rested his head on the back of the armchair, and closed his eyes, consciously stilling his traitors hands and legs, which nervous movements gave away his actual suffering about the matter.

"Its just that..." Danny paused, it was evident that what he was going to say was hard for him, remarking the fact that the major burden, as he called himself, was for his own self. "I came at peace with that idea while I was still there, so it is hard now for me to think otherwise, and this is a very hard road, for everyone, and for me too..."

Dr. Hale couldn´t finish catching his meaning. Frowning, he asked him to clarify. "What idea, Danny?"

"The idea that I would die there, and never been found. I, somehow and maybe in order to not lose my mind, made peace with the fact of my kids growing up without me, and my friends and family going on with their lives..." His voice quivered and failed him. "I gave up, and that was just fine with me, as long as I thought they´ll continue on and kept picturing them being fine and happy without me" Danny bend forward and run both hands through his hair, lowering his gaze to the floor. "It´s not that I´m not fine with being back, I am, but sometimes it´s proving to be very hard for me to cope with some things… It´s hard to explain..." Danny lifted his eyes again and found the doctor nodding understandingly to him. It helped him relax a little, and he leaned back again, mentally exhausted.

"Ok Danny" Dr. Hale smiled kindly; he knew it helped with Danny. "A person is never prepared for what has happened to you. Your mind, your soul and your body had suffered a tremendous trauma and now you´ll have to learn how to cope with its implications. It´s not extraordinary of the mind to create an hypothetical reality to survive, as you well said, but I want you to start with this simple thought, that your friends, your children, your family and everyone you want to think of doesn´t think less of you because you need help and time to start being more independent, nor sees another person different of the one they always loved. And most important, they don´t consider you a burden, and never will. I can assure you of that with what I saw this couple of months." Dr. Hale resumed his confident smile. "You´re very lucky for the people that you´re surrounded by. They would do certainly everything for you. Not many people I know have that privilege".

Danny couldn´t hide a nervous and at the same time proud smile, but the doctor has just nailed his discomfort with the matter. "That´s, I think, part of my feeling of being a burden. My partner, for instance, he´s the best of the best on his job, he´s the head of the team that´s crucial to this islands safety, he and everyone should be attending the job, and their own families..."

"Yes they could choose that, but they chose to be with you and help you. They are free to do as they want, aren´t they?" Danny´s mind opened up and he was considering it. "So I suggest you to quit seeing you as a charge because as I recall, you´ve never asked anyone for help, have you? They are doing it on their own will, not obliged by anybody but moved instead for their affection for you. And let me ask you, what would you do if you were on the other end? Would you choose work rather than being there for your friend?"

Danny gave a short nod. His verbalized answer wasn´t needed. It was obvious that it was the first time he could think it that way and Dr. Hale was almost sure that his patient would give this room for thought and consideration. Almost sure, because he could sense something still keeping Danny on guard, as the detective started to get lost inside his own mind again.

"What are you thinking, Danny?" The question prevented Danny from blocking out while he remembered, and made possible for him to share his inside out. He did it, on a thread of voice, almost inaudible for his doctor to hear it.

"I don´t want them to pity me"

 _Humidity is an awful thing, but it´s definitely worse when you can´t do anything to escape it while lying down, chained, unable to evade its stickiness, receiving its full embrace face up and with your back pressed on an urine-damp old smelly mattress. Humidity makes bad smells increase its awfulness, and you have to force your lungs to breath, nevertheless, even if you can´t find any hint of fresh air. Desperation hits you, you move as a maniac trying to free your arms and leg, you scream, you hurt yourself in the process. Your body ends up completely shattered, your mind goes wild and your soul starts to die alone in a dark and scary place._

 _While being a prisoner, during the first few weeks, when Danny´s mind was clearer and his soul had not given up yet, his lungs, pressed and squeezed by anguish and congestion, started to make his body to shut down. He had trouble breathing and it was extremely difficult to pass food when they came to feed him, once a day, always approximately at noon. Danny knew that at that time, the calmness of the rainforest would be broken by a loud engine roar which approached his hiding and secret prison. At that hour, Danny knew the birds songs he had come to appreciate so much would be shut down as his feathery companions escaped what he could not. Danny knew that at noon, the bugs that dared to crawl the dirty floor around him, would hide and disappear as they heard the metal sound of chains falling and door opening. At that time, Danny´s heart quickened in fear and anticipation. As days went by, Danny was not afraid anymore of whoever came to give him food and loose his chains a bit so he could reach the bucket to do his necessities. He was not afraid because those persons, who changed week after week keeping up with a sort of weekly rotation, although with their faces covered, they never treated him violently. They just came and do what they had to do, evidently without the slightest interest or desire to do so. They didn´t even talk to him, and did it only if it was necessary to command him something. He was not afraid anymore, but what he couldn´t suppress was the embarrassment of having to use the bucket in front of this people. He could do it only once a day, when he was giving chain length to get up and reach it. But not every day he could hold on until that moment, because the water they give them was processed by his kidneys much quicker than twenty four hours, so he always ended up peeing on his soiled pants. He didn´t have any privacy while using the bucket and when he tried to clean himself with a dirty towel which has never been washed or replaced. How he would have loved another bucket with fresh water to clean him up, but when he requested it, he never received an answer. For some reason, he was punished with silence, but at the same time he was, apparently, wanted alive because, when the previous day his body protested by shutting his airways and vomiting the food that has been forced into him, the next day it wasn´t the usual masked man that came through the door but, instead, a woman carrying a bag._

 _The woman, a corpulent and sturdy Hawaiian, killed the distance between them with an apprehensive pace while studying the wheezing man lying on the rotten mattress._

" _Hi" She said, with a shaking voice, like if she was scared, or shocked. She was definitely not there by her own will. Danny guessed right, she was forced to do this and threatened with the lives of her family if she did something against of what they asked of her. But Danny didn´t knew that, and in his desperation, he saw in her a possible way of salvation._

 _Their eyes met as she reached his side and pulled the metal chair in which Danny seated every day when he was given his food, and sat herself in it. Danny looked at her as a scared child and found a little peace by looking at her kind face, framed by a long curly hair, already affected by the humid air that surrounded them. Her dark eyes found his blue opaque ones, and discovered a world of anguish and pain. Their connection was broken for a minute as the usual masked guy-type entered and loosened the chains a bit. "Let me know when you´re finished. An hour tops and then we´re out of here". His voice commanded her, not too kindly but rather on an authoritative and aggressive manner. She nodded and lowered her head, focusing on the bag she brought with her and opening its zipper, while he was out through the door again, leaving them alone._

" _Help me please" The broken voice send shivers through her spine and made her heart contract with pity. That same pity made its way through her eyes and reached him while he was at the mercy of an awfully violent cough attack that shook his entire body and left him wheezing miserably, unable to keep up with his plea, for a moment. He saw through watery eyes how easily she put on the latex gloves she has just taken from the bag. She must be a nurse or doctor or something related to medicine, he concluded, and she confirmed his thoughts when expertly hands palpated his neck, chest and abdomen on a conscious examination, and then a cold stethoscope was placed and run over his bony chest. Danny took the opportunity of her proximity to grab her wrist and look intently at her eyes._

" _Call Steve McGarrett, call Five-0. Please…" Another strong coughing fit hit him, and he was shushed while an inhaler appeared in his mouth and he was coached to take a deep breath through it. The devise operated its magic and his airways opened up, allowing him to breathe deeply and easier. His hand was pried open and so he lost his grip on her arm he had just grabbed and considered his connection with the exterior, with the freedom. Whimpering, he manifested his distress and hopelessness and turned again to his only resource: begging. "Call him, please…please…"_

" _I can´t do that. Please stop asking me that" Danny could sense her broken heart as she broke his with her declaration. "I´ve been threatened with the lives of my kids, please, don´t ask me to put them in danger" Danny stilled and closed his eyes. He knew he had no right to ask her that and that she was doing the right thing, but it was also true that he was desperate to go home, to go back to his own kids, whom he loved and missed so much. Hearing her say the word ´kids´ was a painful stab on his heart, and he couldn´t avoid the tears from falling as he saw his hope wash away with them._

" _I´m so sorry" He heard her saying on a very low voice, at the same time she prepared his arm for the injection that came next. Shocked and questioning blue eyes reached hers and begged for an explanation._

" _It´s just some medicine to help you breathe, and some antibiotics, don´t worry"_

" _Why?" Danny didn´t understand the purpose of his treatment. Did they really care of his wellbeing? Of course not! Danny corrected his line of thought immediately. They were obviously making sure he lasted long enough to fulfill their evil plan, whatever it was. The woman didn´t give him an answer, but instead she busied herself with cleaning his face, neck and upper chest with wet wipes while Danny´s vitals started to improve and his wheezing calmed down. It felt glorious, and for a moment Danny enjoyed the sensation of cool air hitting his refreshed skin. When it stopped, Danny opened his eyes with the intention of asking her to continue, but the amount of pity and compassion he saw reflexed on her eyes for some reason stopped him from doing so._

" _Are you feeling better?" She asked, and Danny only nodded, the anguish hitting him with brutal force, because he was not ok. "Alright, now, you feel like getting up and go to the potty?" He nodded again. What else could he do apart from hating himself so much for what he had become? The look, the tone, the words she used with him where filled with pity, as if she was treating with a man doomed to doom. But the truth was that, he was doomed. His rage subdued as she grabbed his forearms to help him sit up. "Easy, let you head adjust to the change of position". It took Danny several minutes to adjust. After almost a day of lying down, it was very difficult to gather orientation and strength to move, and it was more difficult because he felt ill and miserable. He has never before given this consideration, so the hints of rage that remained on him left him completely, allowing him to permit the woman to assist him on getting up and walk the few feet that separated him from the bucket. "Can you manage?" "Yes" Danny responded quickly and curtly. She smiled, understanding, and handed him the opened package of wet wipes. "Thanks" Danny was moved and took the very welcome gift without hesitation. "Ok. I won´t look, I will just seat here facing the door. Let me know when you´re finished". And she sat, and Danny was able to conduct his business with privacy and taking his time to clean himself up the best he could under his circumstances. He knew it would be long before he could do that again, if there was another time for him in the future, and actually if there was any future for him._

 _The sound of chains moving along the concrete floor give Danny away, and the woman got up when she was sure the prisoner was walking towards her. All the effort had wiped Danny´s deteriorated lungs out and he was having trouble breathing again. She assisted him to sit on the chair, and coached him through his breathing. Danny´s leg bounced up and down, nervously, and he heavily rested against the back of the metal chair. "Help me please, I can´t take any more of this. I want to go home. I want to get back to my children" The woman closed her eyes as she rummaged through her bag. Then she chose silence as she helped him clear his tears while Danny murmured pleas to her, to himself, to God among less strong but still coughing fits. It took several minutes to Danny to abandon his panicked state, and when he did, his nose picked up the scent of food and his stomach complained loudly with hunger and anticipation. It was completely empty. The previous day his esophagus has been shut and above that he had vomited the little that had been forced impatiently into him, so today, helped by the medicine he had been injected, he devoured everything with determination and without taking his eyes from the plate. He then drank a bottle of water, even knowing that before the day was finished, it will transform into acid urine soaking his pants. But he drank because he had, although very slim, a tiny hope that this woman will contact his partner and let him know where he was, so he must keep fighting to remain strong and alive for Grace and Charlie. Little did he know that the woman had no intention of doing so, her fear for his family too strong. Danny now realized it. The pity he saw in her eyes was also mixed with guilt, the guilt of her for letting every plea Danny made fell dead right away, without the prisoner knowing it and cruelly letting him keep his quote of hope._

"Why would they pity you Danny?"

"What?"

"Why do you fear yours friends to pity you? How does it make you feel?" Dr. Hale tried to make him reflect.

"I fear that they know something that I don´t"

The doctor nodded. Danny recognized it as a sign to go on and explain more.

"While I was there… every day I had that hope that she will call Steve, but evidently she didn´t".

"And why do you think you relate that fact with your friends now?"

Danny felt silent, unsure of what to say and trying to realize why he felt that way. He rubbed his hands together and interlaced his fingers.

"Can you think of an example?" Dr. Hale tried to help him. His patient was on his last strings of mental strength to keep up with this for today.

Danny thought for a moment, and then shared. "Like… for instance, when they encourage me and affirm me that I´ll get better. I feel and I´m scared that they know I´ll be stuck with this trauma forever and not be able to overcome it".

"You are assuming things Danny" He was told in a calm voice, throwing light on this particular behavior that needed to be reviewed. I recommend you to talk to your friends about this feelings, have a nice and open talk and ask them to share their true feelings too. I think it would be good for both parts". The doctor smiled. "Can you do that and then we´ll talk about it on our next appointment? How does that sound?"

"Ok" Danny smiled too, relieved that finally he was to get home and spared of having to dig in his troubled mind anymore.

"We have a deal then".


	40. Hot Steam

A/N: Thanks for the support! Please review.

Chapter 40: Hot steam

After a heavy downpour at the afternoon and then immediately after the sun hitting its rays above the wet island, the humidity level reached a new historical mark and one that Danny couldn´t even compare with any hot humid day on his almost ten years on Hawaii, nor even with the ones he had to endure while imprisonment, where he was forced to suck on the weather unmercifulness against his will. But today he could do something about it, so as soon as the movie he was watching with Charlie finished, he kissed his child´s head and got up.

"I´m going to take a shower now, Charlie. Don´t answer the door unless it´s Steve or Lou or someone you know, ok?"

"Shouldn´t you wait for Uncle Steve to come back?"

Damn! The kid was right and was just reminding him what he had been told and what obviously the child had overheard. The commander, indeed, had left the house to attend a meeting that required his presence without further notice and was obliged to leave Danny alone with just Charlie. Annoyed with that fact and with Danny just ignoring him while he practically begged him to stay put on the couch, Steve had left father and son watching a movie that still had an hour and a half to go, so he prayed the meeting will finish before that time and he could be back before his partner could try to do something that exceeded his actual limited physical capabilities. _"Hey, are you listening to me" "Yes, go I´ll be fine"_ Steve had hesitated, considered calling someone over but decided not to, allowing Danny to get a bit of air and ´freedom´ for at least an hour. _"Call me for anything ok?"_ Danny just had rested his head and sunk further down on the couch, sighing deeply and without taking his eyes away from the TV. Steve had smiled and finally left, considering it would do Danny´s soul good to start being on his own and unsupervised at least for a few amount of time.

But the hour and a half expired, and Steve hadn´t returned yet. Danny´s repaired fingers and ankles bones were aching rather fiercely by now after a long two hours sitting down and not moving and also responding to the high humidity. The last thing he needed was to stay put sitting on the too hot couch, which material was already plastered on his sweat-damp skin and clothes.

"I´ll be just in the bathroom, won´t take that long" Danny smiled to his doubtful child, easing Charlie´s doubts at the sound and sight of his confident father. The kid finally agreed and somehow let Danny permission to get his way by grabbing his toys that lay on the floor and heading off towards his room, leaving Danny on his own.

The detective limped, due to his aching ankle, towards his own bedroom and after preparing for his shower closed the door of the bathroom behind him and then closed the little window to avoid the humidity to keep entering. And that was his mistake. Instead of the external humidity to enter, the increasing hot steam that the mild warm water that caressed his body was slowly creating was unable to escape, creating an irrespirable dense vapor which made Danny´s lungs began to complain. Breathing through his mouth to get as much air as he could take, Danny managed to open the window. The air outside was so dense and hot, that it didn´t really help to improve the suffocating situation. He should open the door. Turning off the water, Danny grabbed a towel and stepped out of the shower area. Apart from the hot steam, his lung capacity was considerable deteriorated already to begin with, so Danny found himself panting miserably while his sight begun to falter at the sides and yellow dots started to dance in front of him. Dread engulfed him as he reached the doorknob and managed to pry it open, not without difficulty. The fresher air that suddenly soothed his skin was not enough to prevent him from passing out and face plant on the tiled damp floor.

"Charl…" The last thing that crossed Danny´s mind before blacking out was his son. _"Shouldn't you wait for Uncle Steve to come back?"_ The child had been right, and now he couldn´t do anything to prevent his kid to find his father sprawled face down on the bathroom door.

The cold current of air hitting his face was the first sensation he registered. He took a deep breath of air; it was easy to breathe now, so Danny filled his lungs repeatedly. Next, it came the notion of lying on a soft bed and being covered with a slight bed sheet. He was so comfortable, that he sank further his head on the soft pillow. Oh, his head. That next sensation was not pleasant, his head felt terrible, and it could explode at any moment. It hurt, inside and outside, big time. _"He´s coming around"._ His partner´s voice was miles away, muffled by a ton of cotton. Danny didn´t pay it much attention, he was asserting his current state. Why was he lying down? Why was his head pounding unmercifully? And suddenly it all came back to him.

"Charlie?" His voice came out weak and anguished, seeking for his son who was the only person with him when he passed out.

"Easy champ, everything is fine"

That grave voice, he knew it… his doctor. Was he back to the hospital? Danny´s heart started to accelerate. He didn´t want to be hospitalized, but the prick on his arm and a hand immediately restraining him when he moved it told him, apparently, that he certainly was. To make sure, he snapped his eyes open, frightened, looking around him to check out his location. Thankfully, he was in his own bedroom, lying down on his own bed. His rather confused eyes travelled the space, fixing first on the IV post and then following the length of the cannula until it reached his elbow flexure, where Dr. Kalama´s globed hand was maintaining him still so he didn´t rip off the catheter. Danny lifted his sight and sought his doctor´s face. The physician was fast to clarify the doubts he found on his patients scared eyes.

"The IV is there to run fluids into your system, because you´re slightly dehydrated, ok? So try not to tear it away". As the doctor saw understanding in Danny´s eyes he let go his arm, patting it slightly. He continued, while Danny started his travel through the room with his sight, reaching his partner´s stoic figure and fixing his eyes with the arm crossed serious man´s. "You took a serious head bump and I had to give you stiches on your upper right temple" After a pause and with his patient still trying to connect silently through his eyes with his apparently angry friend, Dr. Kalama asked. "Do you remember what happened, Danny?"

"Yes" Danny closed his eyes suddenly, as a sharp pain assaulted his temples when his own voice made his head vibrate. "I fainted because I couldn´t breathe… there was a lot of steam…" Danny opened his eyes again when he remembered something important. "Where´s Charlie? The thought of his son and what the kid had probably gone through made him anxious and his voice faltered with emotion. Finally, his serious and silent partner spoke in order to calm his increasingly anxious and nervous friend down.

"He´s with Rachel, she picked him up. He´s ok, relax".

"He´s ok?" Danny asked, amidst a deep breath that almost stole his voice while he tried to overcome his panic, but failing. Suddenly, a rush of relief came through him. Obviously, his doctor had inserted something to calm him through the IV. But Danny fought it back; he fought his heavy eyelids from dropping because he wanted to know now what his kid had been through. Desperately, he sought his partner´s reassurance before he was forced to fall asleep.

"Yes, he is. We´ll talk later"

His friend was obviously not telling him right now what has happened after he collapsed, and he had not the strength to fight to stay awake anymore. With a restless whimpered complaint, Danny had no option but to succumb to sleep.


	41. My stoic friend

A/N: Thank you for reading and posting a review!

Chapter 41: My stoic friend

Danny woke up when he heard and felt a presence moving around in the room. When he moved his head towards the sound, the movement stilled and the mattress shifted as someone sat down next to him. Danny moved his hands towards his face and rubbed his eyes before opening them to found his partner already bringing a glass of water towards his mouth and reaching to him to help him lift his head to be able to drink. But Danny wasn´t thirsty and his head pounded with fierce. Movement and water in his stomach was not an even considerable option for him.

"No…" Danny moved slightly his head on the opposite direction trying to escape Steve´s hand and tried to block away the glass of water by lifting and placing his arms in front of his face. Maybe it was childish, but his pain was not.

"It´s time for your meds. Take them". The flat voice cut off his complaint. But Danny didn´t move. Instead, with probing fingers he started to trace the length of the bandage applied on his upper temple, and winced when the strength he applied was too much. Evidently, it was not only the cut on his temple that hurt, but also his forehead, his right cheekbone and his nose. He was apparently lucky that nothing was ended up broken, or worse.

An open and deep sigh, and then a strong hand squeezing and rubbing affectionately his right forearm. "Come on buddy. They will help with the pain. You´ll feel better". The voice left out its tense and dry edge. Danny lowered his arms, giving implicit permission and made his greater effort not to cry out in pain as his brother lifted carefully his head with a big hand, holding his neck and nape while with the other he gave Danny two sips of water before motioning him to open up his mouth to take the pills, and then intended to give Danny the rest of what was left on the glass, but after three sips that helped taking down the pills, his friend closed his mouth and denied wanting any more water inside him, practically begging to Steve to rest his aching head back down on the pillow. Giving up, the commander placed the glass on the light table and helped Danny to get more comfortable when his friend turned sideways and buried his good side of his face on the pillow. It was obvious that he was in pain.

"The pills won't take long to kick in, relax" Steve arranged the sheets and tucked him neatly, evaluating his friend carefully and making himself ready to react as Danny seemed to be fighting to keep the water inside him. He sat on guard until Danny´s stomach eventually settled and his face features relaxed as the pain seemed to start to recede.

Danny tested his sight opening his eyes to mere slits. His usual blue eyes were dark and shiny with pain and anguish while he made out the figure of his friend sitting at his side. Steve´s jaw was square and tense, very tense, and somehow it urged Danny to apologize, even though he was constantly told not to apologize. But this situation was different.

"I´m sorry" The words chocked on his mouth and for some unknown reason his heart started to pound louder. He was scared. He was scared of what he will find out about what had happened and what Charlie had been put through. He was scared because of Steve´s attitude, which somehow told him indirectly that what he had done was bad and had carried bad consequences with it.

Steve realized the impact his mood was having upon his friend and made himself conscious to ease up a little bit. He stopped cringing his teeth together and made an effort to let the events of the day at the side. When he heard Danny apologize, he broke eye contact and lowered his head, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I told you to stay put. It could have been much worse Danny. You could have broken some bone, and even worse you could have opened your skull on the sink!" Steve regretted his tone as soon as the words left his mouth. He couldn't let his fear and the tumultuous memories of the day to make him loose his temper on his too vulnerable and already battered partner. Steve searched his friend´s eyes again and, hesitating, he reached forward and took Danny´s hands inside of his, and squeezed. "I´m sorry, I´m sorry buddy" Steve tried to calm himself, he really shouldn´t put Danny through more stress and least of all immerse and affect him on his own personal debacle. The impotence he had felt when he found Danny face down and oozing blood from under his head had left him shivering and trembling for the last hours, and he had not yet recovered. He could still hear Charlie crying behind him and himself telling him almost shouting to go wait in his room while he tried to figure out what had happened, and even if his friend was still alive.

The mere thought of that moment, still too fresh in his pupils, keeps breaking Steve´s heart in pieces and frees a fierce battle in his interior between the effort to seem fine and strong for his friend and his true shaken soul which evidently was winning the battle of showing off because Danny´s eyes reflected uncertainty and anxiousness. Steve should prevent that, so he smiled, and kept smiling even when Danny resumed his previous questioning.

"What happened with Charlie? Is he ok?"

 _Charlie left his dinosaur toy on his bed when he sharpened his ear after he thought he heard a noise coming from other angle inside the house. Maybe his dad had finished with the bathroom, so he chose to go check. The rest was admirable, for a kid of his age, although crying and beyond scared, the kid had managed to reach for his dad´s cellphone from the bedroom and coming back running to his unconscious father´s side, after slipping on the humid floor, he looked for his Uncle Steve´s speed dial with slicker bloodied little fingers and managed to make himself understandable among his broken voice as his father´s friend immediately took the call after the first tone._

 _Steve checked his watch for the tenth time during the meeting and sustained himself from doing so many other times, to avoid another questioning and exasperated look from the governor. But as soon as all was finished, he avoided any extra talk and excused himself, leaving the building in a jog towards his truck. It had taken much more time that he had expected and desired, and something inside him told him he should hurry._

 _Just as he climbed in, his phone started to buzz, and he picked it up immediately as he saw the ID caller._

" _Hey buddy, what´s up? I´m on my w…."_

" _Uncle Steve!" The child was crying and desperate, his voice faltering as he continued at an almost unintelligible. "Someth…g´s wrong with dady he won´t wake up!"_

" _Hey hey Charlie Charlie Charlie calm down, I´m on my way, ok? where´re you?" Steve´s heart was outside his chest while he turned on the sirens and entered the street at considerable increasing speed. Expecting to hear his partner´s voice, the unexpected scared child put him on guard and in action at a fierce speed._

" _..n the bathroom" The kid´s answer couldn't contain any additional quote of dismay. "There´s blood…"_

 _Steve´s foot reached the floor of the truck with the gas pedal, the hairs of all his body standing at once at the new piece of information Charlie gave him with an almost inaudible thin voice._

" _Ok, Charlie? Stay on the line ok?, I´ll call an ambulance and will be there in five minutes. I want you to go to the living room and wait for me there, you got it? Go to the living room."_

" _I don´t know…" Charlie hesitated, not wanting to leave his dad alone._

" _Go to the living room Charlie and wait for me there". Steve repeated with authority, hoping the child will do as he commanded, and then immediately called an ambulance._

 _Blood. Why would there be blood? Danny wouldn´t do something stupid. At least not with Charlie there. It must have been an accident. He died to ask Charlie for more details, but he didn´t want to put the child through examining his hurt daddy. On the contrary, he wanted him to see no more, so he sent him to the living room. Steve could already hear the sirens of the ambulance above his own sirens as he turned the corner of Danny´s block at full speed and hit the brakes, making a spectacular parking and leaving the rubber of his tires drawn on the pavement._

 _Charlie heard two pairs of sirens coming closer, making them louder as they approached his house. His small bloodied hands gripping fiercely the cellphone while he looked through the window from the living room. He did as his Uncle has told him, and was right in front of Steve with big scared eyes when the Commander entered the house with his own share of scare emanating from his own eyes._

" _Stay here buddy" Steve said, as he run to the bathroom. Halting abruptly at the half open door, he slowly opened it completely and stepped inside, going to his knees at the side of his partner´s prone body. Making a quick assessment, he discovered the blood was coming from beneath his head and also oozing freely from his nose. Placing a hand in front of Danny´s open mouth, it was easy to tell that he was breathing, so Steve allowed himself to take a deep breath, letting it out slowly to take control of his hammering heart._

" _What happened, Danno?" He tenderly asked to his unconscious friend as he leaned down and with care titled his partner´s head a bit up, finding the deep gash from where the majority of the blood was coming from and the dark bruise already forming and kind of swelling around it. Definitely, Danny had fell and hit his head. Breathing a bit easier now because other dark theories he had mustered during his ride were now narrowed down, Steve straightened himself from examining his partner when he heard the paramedics entering the house and asking for directions._

" _Right here!" Looking at the door, Steve saw Charlie standing there. He had followed him and Steve´s heart, now a little less scared, filled with love and pity for the child. Getting up, he gave the two paramedics room. "Apparently he fell and hit his head. You could take him to his bed. I´ll call his doctor…" Steve didn´t want to leave, but if he didn´t Charlie certainly wouldn't, so he picked him up in his arms and headed to the kitchen while the medics worked and evaluated his friend._

 _After calling Dr. Kalama to inform him and ask him if they could not hospitalize Danny, the Doctor was on his way over to see for himself. Sitting Charlie on the kitchen counter beside the sink, he took the phone that was held with force from the child´s hands and put it away._

" _Ok Charlie" He smiled, achieving a calm and cheerful tone. "Let´s wash those hands, shall we?" Turning on the tap, he guided his nephew´s hands under the water and rubbed them until well after no sign of blood was left._

" _That´s right" Seeing Charlie´s t-shirt was dyed with red too, he motioned the child to take it off, and helped him getting his head out. "Now let's go find a fresh one, come on" When reaching to lift the kid from the counter, Charlie cling and hugged him with force from the neck. Steve hugged him back, stroking the blonde head while he headed to the kid´s bedroom in search for a new t-shirt. Struggling to open one drawer with one hand and picking up a t-shirt, he headed to the bed with Charlie still hugging him with strength. Sitting the kid down and kneeling in front of him, he grabbed his slim arms and unclogged them from behind his neck, and helped Charlie to put the soft cotton shirt. Steve then grabbed his hands in his, squeezed them with love and rubbed the tiny knuckles with his thumbs. The child´s eyes were looking straight at his._

" _Listen to me Charlie, your Daddy is going to be fine. He just fell and hit his head but the doctors are going to make him good again, so don´t you worry" The soothing words were accompanied by a confident smile that supported them._

" _I told him he should wait for you…but he wanted to take a shower" There it was, without pushing it Steve got the reason why Danny moved even though he has been asked to wait. His heart constricted, because there was nothing wrong with wanting to refresh on a very hot day. Besides, he should have returned sooner, and Danny would have had his help. The kid in front of him knew he was pissed with his dad for ´disobeying´, so he tried to ease up the proportions of the mistake. It actually worked, for a minute, but the worry that gripped Steve´s heart won and resurfaced again in the form of annoyance. But now he couldn't let the child feel any remorse or feel guilty for it, so he remained calm and in control of his emotions._

" _You did great Charlie, and nothing of this is your fault. You know your dad, he´s stubborn as they come. So he´ll be just fine as soon as the doctor patches his cut up."_

 _Charlie nodded, taking confidence on the security his Uncle was speaking with._

" _Tell you what, why don´t we call your mom so she can come to pick you up, then I will make sure your dad is ok for you to visit him again tomorrow. How does that sound uh?"_

 _Charlie nodded again, and, although he desired to stay and be with his dad, he didn´t complain while Steve called his mom nor when she arrived and he was hugged, kissed and made to wait a moment in the car while she stayed in the house for a few minutes. He smiled to Steve´s goofy face and waved to him as the car started moving and took off towards his other home._

 _As soon as the car turned around the corner and his friend´s kid in which he had laid his entire attention and care was out of sight, Steve was free to enter the house. With a long and fast strode, he reached Danny´s bedroom where he expected to see Dr. Kalama, whom he had heard arrived when he was in Charlie´s bedroom. The paramedics were gone, but they lent to Danny´s doctor an IV set, which was already pumping fluids inside his partner´s system while the physician was meticulously and carefully stitching Danny´s temple._

" _Doc. Thanks for coming"_

" _Commander" The doctor kept focused on his task. Danny was not moving or registering what was being done to him. "He came around disoriented. After checking there was no risk we gave him a sedative and local anesthesia on the area to allow me start working on his gash. Rest would do him good. I will allow him to stay here, there´s not evidently risk that requires him to be moved to the hospital, so after I´m done with this I will wait for him to wake up and after being sure he´s fine I´ll return to my consults and leave you in charge. I´ll come back tomorrow morning to check on him and clean the wound"._

 _Steve had thanked him, and seated to watch the medic finish suturing and covering the wound with clean sterile gauze. About an hour later Danny woke and because of his anxiety Dr. Kalama chose to calm him down chemically again, but making sure his concussion was not a problem in itself, he left Steve alone with instructions and medicine._

Now, Steve was having a strange case of déjà vu as he was holding his partner's hands on his own and receiving a look coming from scared eyes, just like he had done a few hours ago with Charlie. Both looks shared the same fear for the other: the kid from his father and the father for his kid. Both shared a quote of guilt and fear for the other´s wellbeing. Steve, leaving out details like the blood issue or the super scared look on Charlie´s eyes, put his partner´s up to date of his son´s actions and assured that now he was ok with Rachel and that tomorrow he would visit. Danny´s heart eased with the modified version of the events his partner has colored for him. He allowed himself to rest his throbbing head and closed his eyes. He felt Steve getting up and releasing his hands.

"Don't go to sleep, I´ll bring you something to eat"

Danny wasn´t hungry, but just as Charlie did before, he let Steve decide what was best for him.


End file.
